All Thanks to you Mom

Dear Mom,

They say there is nothing quite like a Mothers love, I'm writing to tell you there is nothing quite like the way I love you Mom. You saw me through all these life stages, and all you ever offered was your most pure love. Meanwhile, I offered all sorts of emotions; love, disdain, annoyance, anger, sadness and all the other feels. How could a Mother love me through all the wretched, all the great, all the sad and make love look easy? Must be the superhero inside of you Mom. I'm sorry Mom for ever hurting you, I now would do anything to treat you, spoil you, or care for you and you want to know what's wild about that Mom? Even though I offer all the glory to you, I know you would offer me more, and take even less.

Do you remember that time when my first love shattered my heart? How I described that it was as if my heart was in a million pieces and there was physical pain. I cried and cried to you, I cried so much that you cried to try and take some of the burden for me. I thought I would never find someone that looked at me, or held my hand the same way. Do you remember what you told me Mom? You said;

"Give it time. Time heals all things"

You said it with such certainty, such confidence. Even in your tears for my broken heart, you would mantra it and ease my sorrow. I believed you. It took time, it took a long time. But you were right Mom. Time healed my heart. Now when my heart hurts, I remember that time will heal it. All my break-ups, disappointments, or misfortunes have all healed given time. All thanks to you Mom.

Remember when I lost my house Mom? Remember that whole mess? I was exploring all the options; renting it out, selling it, bankruptcy, consolidated debt, porting the mortgage, changing the title - everything you could imagine! By the end of all my investigations, I had thought my only good option was bankruptcy Do you remember what you told me?

"If you don't know what to do, do nothing"

There you were again, confident and firm in your advice. There was thousands of dollars hanging in the balance and you calmly told me to do nothing. Once again, I believed you and you were right Mom. Had I jumped the gun, I would have went bankrupt and black marked myself for future financial endeavors that would have lasted years. The stress day in and out, money was being lost by the second. Still, I did nothing because I didn't know. Then an option appeared that I hadn't seen before and just like that, everything worked out. All thanks to you Mom.

How about when I found the man I was to spend the rest of my life with? Do you remember how anxious I was? How fear ridden I was? By this point my heart had been through some pretty brutal set backs and I really didn't believe I could offer anyone much of anything. I didn't my trust my ability to find a suitable partner. I had a pretty big financial set back from the house, and I was still healing and trying to find myself in all that turmoil. Do you remember all the nights I would call and be so unsure of what to think, feel, or do? This deep seeded part of me needed to keep trying, but my emotional self just kept sabotaging my chances with this man. Do you remember your advice then? I thought you had given me everything I needed for me to do things fully on my own, and by surprise your Superhero Motherly self kicked in and you gave yet another pinnacle piece of advice.

"When in turmoil, sit in Silence."

For a third time, your gentle approach provided me with a firm stepping stone on how to help manage some of what life throws at you. As time went on, I was able to put all the pieces together. It took a bit, some back and fourth, some heart ache, some perseverance but I was able to gain some confidence in relationships again. I was able to get myself to a place where I could love this man with my heart, and I could allow him to love me back. That has got to be the most precious gift of all. All thanks to you Mom.

You know Mom, I still hear your voice saying to me that when I don't know what to do, to do nothing. Or when I'm feeling anxious about work, I remember to sit in silence and be friends with stillness. When my heart hurts, and I think there is simply nothing more it can handle, I know time will heal it. I feel the confidence you exuded when you first advised me, I feel it in my soul, and there is peace there now. All thanks to you Mom.