A Narcissist, the Holidays, and Extraordinary Selfishness

Narcissists are inconsistent creatures at best. Holidays are not even a certainty to the narcissist. After all, the narc only wants to celebrate himself/herself. Therefore, the times of gathering and celebrating a holiday means nothing to them.

Let’s be real clear. The narcissist does not care about others. Or anything else that does not directly relate to him and his narcissistic agenda. The only time that the narcissist wants to do a holiday is for self-fulfilling reasons; not for the cause.

Narcs either celebrate themselves. Or other people’s misery. This is why they are notorious for ruining holidays.

My child’s biological father is a full-fledged narcissist. We have been no contact with him for years after a series of tumultuous events.

When he was in our lives, the holidays were always upside down because a small child has expectations to be acknowledged. Particularly on the holidays. No surprise there.

Sometimes he would; sometimes he wouldn’t. He might call. He might leave a gift on the porch. He might not. It always depended on what he was doing, who he was with, and how he wanted to portray himself to others.

If he bought his child a birthday gift or an Easter basket, he thought he was a king who deserved a standing ovation. If he didn’t, he blamed it on me, or work, or something.

If I got angry because my child was disappointed, he loved it. In fact, he probably couldn’t imagine a better outcome. He would use my heated emotions as another opportunity to deflect responsibility, project on me, and still do nothing for his kid. Because the child’s disappointment was not in the realm of concern to him.

Naturally, I became extremely protective of my kid’s feelings, since her father was willing to crush them whenever he felt like it. My mama bear instincts kicked in and I’d be furious. My heart hurt for my child’s.

I would once again waste my time explaining basic humanity to him. Nothing would change. A narcissist loves conflict of any kind. He used this as an opportunity to ruin both of our days.

Eventually, I realized that while I was being protective of my child, I was also fueling his sick, disturbing ego. He did not care about the holiday. He did not care about the child. Nothing and I mean nothing, is sacred to the narcissist.

He’d rather piss me off than be good to his child. He got more narcissistic supply from my protective, mama bear rage than he did from the tiny human he created. It is a disgusting level of selfishness.

As I mentioned, we have been no contact with him for years now. It is far better for a kid to have consistency, positivity, genuine love and support in their lives. Children need to know that they are important, special, valuable, loveable little people. They need that reassurance consistently.

A parent picking and choosing when/ if he is going to acknowledge his child, is ludicrous. The kid needs to depend on you, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. My ex’s behavior was/is absolutely inexcusable.

I finally said, “either you’re in or you’re out.” I told my ex I was not going to allow him to toy with my child’s emotions; she deserves better. She’s an innocent child. She shouldn’t have to prove she is worth something. Nor wonder why sometimes he comes through, sometimes he doesn’t.

Sometimes he’s nice. Sometimes he’s mean. Everything was always up in the air; at his will. Fuck that. My child is observing all of this and if I let it continue, it would most certainly affect her negatively.

Things have been so much better since he left for the last time. He is not welcome back. He can take me to court. I refuse to bend anymore for this man, who couldn’t care less about anyone else. Not even his own child. Narcissists are the epitome of selfishness.