A Mother of an Immigrant

Dear Mama,

Where to start? I mean, of course, I love you, you taught me how to love. I always questioned what love truly meant since I was a kid because I had selfish tendencies, that was a time before I knew that was just a natural human reaction.

Still, I think I tend to take it a little too far. Always been not too easy to deal with, ever since I was a kid. Although you praise me for being a good kid, now I’m in my 20s, I know I was far from easy. I dreamt big, I felt big, I loved big, I hurt big, I failed big. To this day I am the same way, I always take the road less traveled, and at times when I look back at my life so far, I ask myself why I always choose the hard way. I guess it’s my path you know, I can’t help it. But you are my safe space. I’m not saying that we never argued or that you were never worried about me, but you try to understand why I did what I did. And God knows it hasn’t been easy for you being a single mother in a house with 5-6 mouths to feed. But you showed up the best way you knew how. You always gave 100%. You never took the easy way out or shirked your way out of giving your all.

And I know that’s what’s expected of a parent. But, it’s different back home. Everything is warped with tradition and love could be a bit fragile - with conditions and expectations, which if not met means crucifixion of the rebel and anyone else who may offer refuge by tolerating or worse; daring to accept them. So I don’t blame anyone who may sacrifice their relationships, even if it’s with their child, to be safe in the comfort of not being an outcast in their community. Because no matter how old we are, that's what we want, to be accepted. So when your child finds it hard to assimilate into the long-standing rules of the right way to be a woman, a child, a lover, a human; they feel like an immigrant in a place that is supposed to be home. My feelings felt foreign, my sensitivity- foreign, my heart- foreign, my ideas- foreign. But momma you accept me for me. You trust me to do the right thing, “you know best” you always say to me. You handle me with such care and attention. You handle my failures with grace. Remember when I started a business and it tanked in a span of 6 months? But do you, do you know mama? that your grace consoled me from thousands of miles away.

Cause mama, your child is also an immigrant in the physical sense. I could only imagine the hole you hold every day from having a child that lives thousands of miles away from you. A 7-year hole. We haven’t seen each other for that long. Lord knows being an immigrant is hard but being a mother of an immigrant, that must be hell. And I hear your heart ache sometimes when you speak of how much you miss me, but still, I could never understand the pain of a mother separated from their child that long and never knowing when there will be a reunion.

But until we see each other again, I want you to read this poem to remind yourself what you mean to me whenever you need it. A reminder that you are my source of strength, literally. The thought of you alone serves as the north star in my journey and the ups & downs of life as a young adult, as an immigrant.

So My mama,

How can I ever doubt myself coming out of love as precious as you

How can I ever not be enough, when I’m filled with your love



The only thing I fear was fear itself

Until I met the fear that I might have to live in a world that doesn’t have you

A day that I hope is never

I hope I get to go before

But knowing how that would break you

I would risk losing you

Crying till I see you

Hoping we meet again, one day

And my daughter becomes you

You become my daughter

I would give birth

Just to give you all the things you deserved, in a new world

So I can work all my lifetime like you worked yourself out of this one

For me. For him. For them and never yourself



So when I pray; every day I say

"God give her more days than I could count" so you can experience all the good you deserve and haven’t gotten to yet

All the life you sacrificed

All the glory you missed tending after mine

All the money you spent comes a million times multiplied

Cause mama, you deserve all the finer things in the world

Cause mama,

You deserve life

You deserve life

You deserve life

Love, joy, health, wealth, greatness, comfort, enlightenment, respect, and honor

You deserve life



Thank you mama. I love you and I appreciate you my love.