A Letter To My Dad

My Dearest Daddy,

It has been 1 year, 2 months, 3 days, 5 hours, and 49 minutes since you died. You changed me and my world forever. Nothing is the same anymore. I feel so alone most of the time. No matter what was happening in my life for the last 16 years you were there. You were always there when I needed you most. You were my one true hero for most of my life, even though we were not really around each other for much of my childhood, but that all changed as I became an adult, you were there for me when I screwed up. You helped me any time I asked. That’s not what makes you my hero though. When I had Ryan you were there, you took care of me when I needed it while I was pregnant, and you were there from the moment he was born. You watched him so I could take care of his dad while he was sick. You made sure that our baby was not alone and had everything he needed. I could not have done everything I had to do to take care of Jamie if you hadn’t taken care of Ryan for me. My baby wouldn’t have his dad if you hadn’t helped us. We got through that and then you had a stroke. Thank heaven’s it’s was not worse than what it was. I tried to take care of you as much as you would let me. Then when Jamie and I separated and I was truly a single mother, you watched Ryan so I could work and provide for him. Because of you, we had a roof over our head. You never let me or Ryan down when we truly needed you. You were my best friend. The one I would turn to when I really needed company or someone to talk to or just laugh with. We had our ups and downs as any relationship does but at the end of the day, nobody could ever take your place. My heart hurts so much now that you are gone. My heart shattered into a million pieces when I got the call. My hero was gone and I couldn’t believe it. My life will never be the same without you here. My heart will never be whole. Somehow even in death, you managed to show me what a hero you truly were. I respected your wishes even though in that moment, I was so lost and the grief so unbearable, I honored your choice to donate your organs. Not only are you my hero but you are a hero to every person that received a piece of you through organ donation. You made me change my mind about being an organ donor. You helped many people, and that has inspired me to do the same. You truly are my inspiration and the person I most want to be like when it comes to helping people. You may not have been perfect, but you would have given someone the shirt off your back or your last dollar if they needed it more than you. I will miss you til I draw my last breath, daddy, but I am so proud of you and to be your daughter. I know we will see each other again some day but for now your memory lives on through all the people who’s lives you touched with your generosity and the gift you gave.

With Respect and Love,

Billi