‘There’s a silver tint on the cloud of doubt when it comes to parenting.’ I wonder if every mom randomly cries because they’re fearful of doing parenting wrong. Do all mums and dads get nervous of their child getting badly influenced. It seems a little early for me to have these thoughts, especially as my child isn’t even a teenager. I do believe that influence can happen at any age but for different circumstances.
All I want is for my daughter to be respectful and happy. I have a letter below that I’ve written for my daughter. I hope when she reads it, she’ll know mummy tried.
I don’t know when you will read this, but I want you to know I’m always living in fear of doing things right for you. Reading this you may ponder why I would be scared after all I’m trying my best. However, I am fearful because there’s influences out there that can be harmful. All my fears come from my past experiences. Getting involved with the wrong groups of people, not concentrating on my education, drinking, smoking and not taking on other’s advice lead me to some weird situations. Mummy however learnt from her mistakes and is still trying to make them right.
Of course, there are positives that will inspire you to better yourself. These positives will come in the form of education, occupations, experiences, travelling and relationships. I pray hard that whatever you experience doesn’t hurt you or change the way you are. Mummy has experienced hurt and pain that has made her numb to certain circumstances and at times I can appear to be miserable because of it. My main downfall has always been my insecurity and emotions. I can cry for days from memories or the smallest argument.
I do question myself daily, what if I get things wrong for you? Could I perhaps be picking the wrong choices for you that could affect you later? I do hope I’m doing well by you. My reassurance currently is how well your progressing, I see you learning, and I see you constantly smiling. You’ve gone through nursery where I saw you come out of your shell; I now see you daily coming out of school happier than you went in. You’ve made loads of friends and your ever so loving. The teachers always give feedback that your willing to learn and support others. I never tap myself on the back because I believe it’s all down to you.
You're five now and your so intelligent. Everything you say and do makes mummy smile. I know you can be talkative, and you hate being wrong. There are positives in your little ways, and I hope one day these blessings can shine out to the world. I try to strengthen you up for this world because difficulties come in all shapes and sizes. Your emotional just like me and when someone says boo you cry, in my arms this isn’t wrong, but I often tell you to be strong because society may view you as weak. Every day I ask you were you happy at school because I never want to hear your experiencing bullying or anything hurtful. The older generation try to encourage me to force education on to you as its what’s important to get by, I don’t disagree. Mummy just wants to make sure your happy an I want you to know I’m always here to talk and listen. Never feel like you have to keep anything in. If you’re going through something, we can go through it together.
Sometimes my heart beats fast when I think of you being away from me. I would hope that individuals who are supposed to protect you keep you safe like I do, I don’t want your mind to be tarnished or you to pick up ways that can affect you.
Mummy will always remind you to be kind towards others and love yourself. I will always love you deeply because when I look at you my girl, you are me in a much more beautiful form.
• Things may go wrong but can always be corrected
• Life is filled with highs and lows
• You have to love yourself
• Ask for help if you need it
• Mummy and Daddy will always be there
• The world is your oyster, use it and have fun
I wish I had loads of money to give you everything in the world but the lessons we learn from nothing at all is what matters. I’ll always love and care for you, my purpose in life.
I love you baby girl.