A Grand Mentor

Far away in the forest, where the sun was warm and the air was fresh, grew a pretty little fir tree. Everything was perfect there, and yet the tree was not happy. ... So unhappy was the tree that it did not enjoy the warm sunshine, the birds, or the fluffy clouds that floated over it morning and evening. Hans Christian Andersen

My paternal grandmother, Dorothy Meyer Phillips, taught me so many things. Even before my sister and I lived with her during summers at the Jersey seashore, memories are plentiful.

The lion’s share of my gratitude to her is for stepping in - almost as a parent – for my sister and me during the sundrenched summers after our parent’s divorce. These were some of the happiest times of my life, but they slid through my fingers much like the sand we frolicked in on the Ocean City beaches. My article Sepia-Stained Memories highlights those cherished days that I wish I’d greater appreciated.

"Rejoice in our presence!" said the Air and the Sunlight. "Rejoice in thy own fresh youth!" Hans Christian Andersen

I wish that I had also valued my grandmother more at the time. I cringe recalling some of the comments I hurled her way as a surly teen. Out of everyone in my life before, during, and since – except for my beloved husband - she offered me the most. Whatever gift I received - love, attention, knowledge, or skill - she was most likely the inciting source. All done without complaint, even when I purposely tested her.

The World of Books

"A story! A story!" cried the children, drawing a little fat man towards the Tree. He seated himself under it and said, "Now we are in the shade, and the Tree can listen too. But I shall tell only one story. Hans Christian Andersen

My grandmother gifted me a treasure trove when she introduced me to the realm of books. And how grateful I am. The stories found within are everything - an anchor to remind me of who I am and a kite to show me who I can be. They are my companions when I’m lonely and my entertainment when I’m bored. They are undoubtedly instrumental in the creation of my oodles of empathy, even producing feelings of sympathy for the bad guys after seeing situations from their points of view. Similarly, books fostered a bonding love for animals and trees, as I also learned to see through their “eyes.” I have since shed many tears upon hearing the slicing sounds of saws through trunks or noticing stripped, barren land cleared of its natural beauty and the wildlife that made their homes there.

In autumn the wood-cutters always came and felled some of the largest trees. This happened every year; and the young Fir Tree, that had now grown to a very comely size, trembled at the sight; for the magnificent great trees fell to the earth with noise and cracking, the branches were lopped off, and the trees looked long and bare; they were hardly to be recognised; and then they were laid in carts, and the horses dragged them out of the wood. Hans Christian Andersen

At only five-years-old, I was practically fluent after my grandmother taught me the priceless skill of reading. The image of climbing into her ample lap with a book in hand is as clear as a freshly-squeeged window shimmering in the morning sun. Then, as the years passed, each summer night my sister and I would plead for her to read us a bedtime story as we snuggled into our twin beds next to each other. "The Fir Tree" by Hans Christian Andersen stands out more than any other. This tale is about a tree so eager to grow up, so anxious for bigger things, that it cannot appreciate living in the moment. Now I discern how similar I was to that fir tree, so looking forward to all the things that being an adult could bring, that I couldn’t fully grasp the fleeting moments of time with my sister and grandmother. I fear that I remain that way today, looking ahead to the end of the workday and the next vacation or event. I wonder if my grandmother was gently offering a lesson after recognizing the impatience and anxiety in my young eyes.

"'Tis over -- 'tis past!" said the poor Tree. "Had I but rejoiced when I had reason to do so! But now 'tis past, 'tis past!" Hans Christian Andersen

Thirst for Travel

In addition to books and our environment, travelling is a prime passion of mine.

"Oh, were I but old enough to fly across the sea! But how does the sea look in reality? What is it like?" Hans Christian Andersen

While my grandmother didn’t travel as much as she wanted, I loved to listen to her talk about her journeys to exotic-sounding places like Scandinavia, Germany, and England where she collected items that decorated our shore house. A painted W.C. tile graced the wall outside the downstairs bathroom. At the time, I had no idea that this room was called a wash closet in the United Kingdom. A traditional cuckoo clock, purchased in Bavaria, sounded each hour of the day with its kooky call. And, my favorite of her travel souvenirs - a pair of painted, wooden clogs from Holland. Even at the time, the decorative shoes were much too small for me. That, however, did not prevent me from stuffing my feet inside – with heels hanging over the edges - and clomping around the house. Luckily, my own travel dreams, inspired by her, are now being realized.

Although I can spell Schuylkill (a river in Pennsylvania) like a spelling-bee champ and always remember to pen a heartfelt thank you letter for gifts received, some lessons didn’t stick. I was hopeless at knitting, no matter how many times I asked her to demonstrate. I ended up teaching school, even though my grandmother advised me never to be a teacher after her own experiences working in the Philadelphia school system. And, of course, there’s the glaring fact that I am still not highly successful at mindfulness and living in the moment.

“Happy!” exclaimed the fir-tree, and then as he reflected upon what he had been telling them, he said, “Ah, yes! after all those were happy days.” Hans Christian Andersen

The story of the fir tree conveys valuable lessons. A great part of contentment is appreciating the blessings we have, here and now. But attaining contentment requires an additional ingredient. We humans are most dissatisfied when chasing happiness with might and mane, looking around each corner for something better to happen. But each of us has infinite power to make someone else’s life happier. By exercising that power, we achieve contentment. Thank you, Grandmom, for being content to exercise that power and immeasurably brighten my life in so many ways.

Take a lesson from the fir tree who never quite appreciated what he had until it was never to be regained. Find the good in every day - starting today - and be grateful for what and who you have.

The boys played about in the court, and the youngest wore the gold star on his breast which the Tree had had on the happiest evening of his life. However, that was over now -- the Tree gone, the story at an end. All, all was over -- every tale must end at last. Hans Christian Andersen