A Day With My Father

There’s a little exercise that my Father likes to do. It’s called, “The Man In The Mirror.” I do not know the beginning of this concept, nor do I know its end. Sometimes, he likes to do this exercise all by himself. Other times, he does it with me or when I’m around. I remember the first time he ever did this. It was Sunday morning, and I was getting ready to step out when my Father stopped me in my tracks. 

“I want you to start taking time to look at yourself,” He said. “Just take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror.” 

"Oooohh… Dad” I replied. “I don’t like staring at myself in the mirror for too long.” I felt like he had put me on the spot, and he had done so just when I was getting ready to step out. In any case, I obeyed my Father and looked at myself in the mirror. 

“Alright,” He continued. “Tell me overall. How do you feel about yourself today?” I was starting to see that this was not going to be an easy exercise. I’m supposed to know how I feel about myself, but why am I uncertain about what answer to give my Father? 

“I don’t really know,” I replied. I don't know what he is looking for.

“Do you feel lovely?” he suggested while fixing his tie. 

“Naaahh,” I replied a little downcast. “I feel alright… I would say I feel okay today.” I gave my Father the safest answer I could give, yet I believed it was a true depiction of how I was feeling about myself. I was feeling okay when I looked at the reflection staring back at me in the mirror. I knew of girls who had a great deal of confidence. They knew how they felt all the time. Sometimes, I try to get that same confidence.

Feeling like his mission was accomplished, my Father stopped me in my tracks again and replied, “There you go!” and left me standing by myself in front of the mirror.

"There you go what?" I thought. "Ooohhh... I can now look in the mirror without feeling guilty." 

That day when my Father first shared with me about the exercise The Man In The Mirror, he said that the mirror is there to tell the truth. If I wanted to be enlightened, I would need to look in the mirror of truth. I appreciated what he shared with me, and I told myself that I needed to give myself more liberty in front of the mirror. I wanted to find truth and to discover what I couldn’t see before. It was an uncomfortable feeling having to admit that I didn’t quite know how I felt about myself.  

There was a time when I didn't believe in the Man In The Mirror. Or the girl in the mirror. I’m talking about the girl I see when I look into the mirror. There was a time I didn't believe that I could look at myself in the mirror and see my Father's reflection looking back at me. That doing this exercise of the Man In The Mirror with him could be something so real.  Something that I could think about and learn.

My Father reminded me of the Man In The Mirror again and again. Once in a while, he tells me to stop and honestly look at myself in the mirror. He did it while I was reciting something I wrote down and filming myself. He wanted me to look at myself as I was reciting the words. I recorded myself earlier on Tuesday, but I held the camera the wrong way and the clip came out horizontal. In the middle of my frustration and fumbling with my camera phone, my Father told me to stop and look at myself. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was leaning against the wall, reflecting on what to do about this horizontal video. I was still wearing my headscarf. I was covered in blue. I loved being like this. I loved being covered and protected by the headscarf my Father gave me. 

"Do you like what you see?" He asked.  

"Yes, I kind of like that pose actually," I replied.  

"Great! Take a picture." I took a picture of myself leaning against the wall. I thought if only my video also looked this good.

“I really liked the picture,” I said.

“Good!” he replied. The lighting was a little strong coming from on top, but there was something about the photo that I really liked. That I took while my Father talked to me about the Man In The Mirror.  

My Father shared with me that he would love to show me how to be able to see things from his perspective. He wants me to be able to see through his eyes. He says being able to see myself from his perspective is also a part of The Man In The Mirror concept.

The other day, I was lying in bed feeling a little sad. My Father asked me,  “What's wrong?”  

"Nothing...” I said. “I just wish the world was a better place."  

He replied, "The reason why you get down about those things is because you take them personally. I know you like to fix things. You weren’t meant to fix certain things."  

"But, isn't that why we're here?" I asked. "Aren't we supposed to change the world?"  

"Yes," my Father replied. "By changing yourself."  

Whew! He's talking about The Man In The Mirror. He's been telling me the more I spend time looking at myself in the mirror, the more my attitude will change about certain things. This is not easy to do at all. It's true, sometimes I get upset. I get upset at some of the things that I wish I could change. My Father said change comes when it does. I suppose I still have a lot to learn. I have a lot to learn about myself, the world around me, and the Man In The Mirror.

One of the things my Father wants me to change or improve is how I see myself. He's been on it for a while now. Today, He asked me, "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?”

“Oooohh... Dad,” I replied. “I have to admit that I haven’t. I sort of forgot.” Or maybe it's just... I didn’t make time for it, except while I was brushing my teeth.