5 Things Every Mom Should Tell Their Daughter

My 13 year old daughter told me that she compared herself to her cousins. She has a cousin only eight months younger than her. They are close in age but can’t be any more different. She told me she felt inadequate when she saw her cousins life. As a mom the most important thing for me was to reassure my daughter that she didn’t need to compare herself to anyone else.

It wasn’t until after this conversation that I realized she wasn’t alone. There are so many of us who have been on social media and seen friends or influencers and felt inadequate. Perhaps someone you grew up with whose life seems to have turned out better or appears that way. It could be you follow someone on social media who we think has it all together. They travel all over the world, they look beautiful, and never seem to have issues. Instead of letting the envy get to me I am going to follow the advice I gave my daughter. It's a conversation every mother should have with their daughter.

1. You can’t see what is behind the scenes.

We don’t know what is going on in another persons life. The piece of themselves that they allow us to see is not the same as what is actually going on. No one advertises the bad things in their life. Everyone wants to appear like life is good and things are perfect. No one’s life is perfect.

2. Their life is not the same as your life.

We all have different lives, we face different things at different times. Our families are made up of different people, even our cousins. I went through a divorce when my daughter was small and while remarried have subsequently worked her entire life. The choices I made put me in a position where I needed a job and had to keep working. It has given me the ability to provide things for my kids that they wouldn’t have had.

3. Don’t downplay your own experiences.

I have been able to do some amazing things with my kids. When they were little I would put them in the car and we would drive to the ocean. We would only stay a day or two, but it was an adventure, nonetheless.

They’ve been deep sea fishing, watched a sunrise from a volcano, traveled the Pacific Coast Highway, just to name a few. Their experiences are more than some people will ever do. It’s not all about how much they have done, but to not take what they have done for granted.

4. This too will pass.

The things we go through in life are temporary. We will not always be where we are. It can also apply to good things in life. When I was younger I was in much better shape, then life circumstances changed and I gained weight. When I was thinner I wanted to go back to when I was my thinnest, that didn’t happen. Instead of living and enjoying the moments in life I was focused on the scale. The number on the scale has not gotten better but my outlook has. We all have seasons in life, they will pass.

5. You have your own talent that makes you special.

My daughter told me that she didn’t feel as talented as her cousin. She has talented cousins, but my daughter is talented in a different way. She isn’t a musician like them but she’s a great artist. She paints and does it very well. At her age I couldn’t put paint on a canvas and do what she does. She is amazing. Everyone has different talents. It isn’t worth spending time wishing we had someone else’s talent when we could be honing ours.

For anyone who struggles with comparison and doesn’t feel worthy, I want you to know that you are. Being you is what you were made for. Do not let anyone else determine your worth. At the end of the day when you are wishing for another persons life, someone may be wishing for yours.