The girl who married far abroad, the war broke out, glad she lives in China

I am Olga, a 90-year-old Ukrainian girl, and Chinese daughter-in-law.

Since I was a child I studied well and got into a famous Ukrainian school to study English. I heard that teachers of German as a second foreign language were very strict, so I chose to study Chinese, and since then I have had an inseparable relationship with China.

At the age of 21, I gave up my postgraduate exams in tome to China, and my mother was so angry that she didn't talk to me for two weeks. Then I came to Beijing as I had hoped, but I accidentally fell in love with a Chinese airline pilot online, ad then married him without a second thought.

Today, I have been living in China for 7 years, and have a 5-month-old mixed-race son, living a quiet and happy life in Qingdao, Shandong Province. My family, on the other hand, is deep in the whirlpool of the Russian-Ukrainian war, and at this moment I go back and see them.

I was born in 1994 in a small city in western Ukraine. My parents divorced when I was very young and I followed my mother, not remembering much about my father.

My mother had to work, so I grew up with my grandparents. My grandmother was a capable and wise woman. There is an old Chinese saying that "a good woman can prosper three generations", and she was that type.

She paid special attention to education and often tutored my mother and uncle when they were in school, and later they both had good jobs, and my mother became a nurse.

My grandmother was very strict with me, and when I went to school, if I didn't get an A on a test, I was afraid to go home because I would be criticized by my grandmother. At that time I was upset, watching my friends who only got Bs or Cs, but they could go home happy, so why couldn't I?

Later, I went to China to study and had a better life, while some of my friends were facing all kinds of difficulties in their lives, I realized my grandmother's good intentions and appreciated her strict teaching.

My grandmother is a person with a knife's mouth and a tofu heart, and she only scares me when I don't do well in exams, she doesn't beat me. Besides, my grandfather was very kind and always protected me at all times.

The economic situation in Ukraine was not very good and the salary was low, so my mother went to Italy to work when I was 5 years old.

My mother didn't come back for the first three years, so I usually talked to her by phone. Whenever we talked, my mother would not ask me about my academic performance, but only about how I was doing at school and how I was feeling.

Sometimes she would ask the truck driver, who was close to her, to pick me up and take me to Italy for a month or so during the holidays, so I knew a little Italian too.

In 2011, thanks to my grandmother's careful teaching, I was admitted to the Kyiv State Linguistic University, one of the most prestigious universities in Ukraine, where I studied English.

Because of my excellent grades, the university waived my tuition fees and gave me living expenses, but the first year was very painful.

The teacher of the major was too strict with us and said that everything we had learned before was garbage and now we had to learn it all over again, and also required everyone to speak British English. If you answered a question and accidentally said an American English word, you might fail the final exam.

The teacher said that we had to be broken down from head to toe and reshaped. As a freshman, just being in a major class made everyone's heads spin and tremble.

In our sophomore year, we needed to learn a second foreign language, and the school usually made us take German and Spanish. But the German teacher was also a tough guy and very demanding, so there were a lot of people who failed the course, which led to many people not wanting to take it.

At that time, the dean came to the class and talked to us, saying that if we wanted, we could also learn Chinese as a second foreign language.

A strict English teacher already made us walk on thin ice, and we didn't want to live like that anymore, so we decided to choose Chinese.

The Chinese teacher had been to Beijing and had studied in Harbin. He was like a friend to us during the class, and there was a lot of laughter in the class because of the cultural differences in learning Chinese.

The Chinese pronunciation of "Wei, hui" means "to curse" in Ukrainian. Although we all knew that there was no negative meaning, when we started learning, we all laughed so much when we spoke similar words.

It was really hard to learn Chinese. For us, German and Spanish were just as Spanish as English, and it was not so hard to learn.

But Chinese is very different from English. It is hard enough to learn Pinyin, not to mention the tones, and there are many homophones, so sometimes I can't tell which word to use.

By the time I was a senior in college, I could read and write Chinese well enough, but I couldn't hear very well and I couldn't speak very well. At that time, although I studied Chinese, I had no idea about China, let alone that I would study in China and marry far away from there.

To have a better future, I wanted to go to graduate school. If I did well in the exam, I could go to university without spending money, just like I did, and my mother wanted me to continue my education.

Once on the Internet, I overheard a German company recruiting people. The company had Chinese clients, usually rich families, who wanted to find a tutor for their children and live and eat at home. The client also provided tuition and living expenses for learning Chinese, and they would help with all the paperwork.

I thought the offer was very good, it was like studying for free, and I could go abroad to see the world, so I was very excited.

However, at that time, I was also afraid of meeting a scam company, but the company showed me some photos of previous clients and also introduced me to the family I was going to apply for, and also saw their family through video, and it was indeed real.

I told my mother about this and she was very much against it. She wanted me to go to graduate school in Ukraine and become a teacher. After all, if a girl is too far away from home, the elders will not feel at ease, and if something happens, the family will not be able to take care of her.

After a long struggle, my mother gave in and told me to concentrate on my graduate studies if I passed, I would stay in Ukraine, but if I failed, I would go to China.

At that time, I had already made up my mind, and I didn't like the major I was studying for, so I didn't even register for the exam. When my mother checked my results, she didn't see my name and was very angry when she found out what I had done, so she ignored me for two weeks.

At the time, my mother had a boyfriend, who was sort of my stepfather. I told him about the conflict with my mother and tried to get my stepfather to help me persuade my mother.

He knew that my mother had gone to Latvia at the age of 15 to study medicine and only later got a better job opportunity. So she was advised that now that I was an adult and wanted to pursue my own life, she should support me by letting go, just like my grandparents did back then.

With my stepfather's persuasion and peace, my mother finally compromised. My grandparents always loved me, so they also supported my decision.

In 2015, I arrived in Beijing, China, and the moment I got out of the capital airport and got in the car, I felt very close because the buildings around me were similar to Ukraine.

However, when I waited until the city and saw the towering buildings and some very Chinese buildings, I felt that it was another country.

The people from the company received me, took me to the school to finish the formalities, and sent me to the client's house. The couple were highly educated, spoke good English, and had a 6-year-old child in elementary school.

Once everything was in place, I started my life as a tutor while studying.

I woke up at 6 am every morning, took the bus to Beijing Union University for my Chinese class, and followed the driver to pick up the kids from school in the afternoon. After coming home and having dinner, I then do homework, watch animation or read books with my child. If she has a problem with English, I tutor her, and then I do my Chinese homework around 9:00.

When I first arrived, I didn't know the language and I didn't have any friends, so I felt very lonely. All the students in my class were foreign students from Korea, Thailand, Japan, etc. I didn't speak much Chinese and they didn't speak English.

The good thing is that the Chinese couple treated me very well, took good care of me in terms of food, clothing, housing, and transportation, and cared for me when I was sick. If I had any conflicts with my children, they would deal with them objectively and fairly and take care of my feelings.

I have been to Singapore, Indonesia, and many other countries in China with them. I am also very grateful for this, the Chinese people are really warm and generous.

When I first arrived, my child was too shy to talk to me much, but within six months, she was able to talk to me. Originally, the couple only signed a six-month contract with me, but after seeing my good performance, they renewed it for another year.

When I came to China, besides this kind couple, I also felt a lot of kindness in a strange city.

When I went out alone to shop, I often got lost. Whenever I asked for directions, both men and women, young and old, would answer me very patiently. If they didn't know, they would use their cell phones to look up directions and then tell me where to go.

One time, a lady even took my hand and sent me back enthusiastically. She didn't go the same way as me at all, but she probably thought that I was a foreigner and it was not easy to be in a foreign country, so she was very kind to help me.

Of course, as a Ukrainian, I had a lot of discomforts when I first arrived in China.

When I went out on the street, people often stared at me or secretly took pictures of me, and some people wanted to take pictures with me. They said I was very beautiful, with big eyes and white skin.

Althoughdium to good-looking, I never had people staring at me in Ukraine. Maybe there weren't many foreigners in China at that time, so when I was on the subway or out having fun, I often heard people whispering: look, foreigners.

In terms of food, I don't eat animal offal, chicken feet, stinky tofu, etc., and I still find it hard to swallow. But there are so many Chinese cuisines, excluding these, there are many others I like, such as braised pork ribs.

Because I had no friends, I would spend my free time on the Internet in addition to shopping, and I never thought I would meet my current husband.

He is a national airline young man, born in 1990 in Qingdao, English is very good, also in Beijing work. At that time, we chatted online, and within three months of knowing each other, we had two dinners and had a good feeling about each other, but no one showed any intention to develop further.

Six months after we met, after New Year's Day 2017, he suddenly asked me to watch a movie, and from then on, started dating frequently.

When my mother found out, she didn't take it too seriously, thinking that our kind of cross-border relationship, with its big cultural differences, might just be a momentary novelty and wouldn't go all the way.

My boyfriend has the simplicity and kindness of Shandong people and respects me very much. When I was with him, I was very happy and willing to share anything with him. During the relationship, I was affectionate and also very responsible.

Since I met my boyfriend, I haven't been a tutor. The couple felt sorry for me, but they respected my choice. After all, I couldn't stay in their home forever, and sooner or later I had to leave.

Later, I applied for a job in a Ukrainian Internet company, specializing in teaching English to Ukrainian children, which was relatively free, but because of the time difference, sometimes the classes would be held until 1:00 am.

After a year of love, my boyfriend proposed to me. His parents liked me a lot and treated me like their own daughter from the first time we met.

My parents came to China and after meeting him, they foe down-to-earth and stable, not a playboy who cheated on my feelings, and were very satisfied with him.

My mother did not want me to marry far away, but she and my biological father are both Ukrainian and their marriage broke up long ago. So a short distance doesn't guarantee that two people can stay together for a long time, while being miles apart may not be unhappy. And seeing as I liked him so much, I said yes.

Although both parents were happy with us, they still had some concerns in their hearts. The good thing is that they are both more open-minded and know that children cannot live their whole life according to the wishes of their elders, so they held a wedding for us in 2018 and sent their best wishes.

I didn't expect that marriage customs would be so different between Ukraine and China.

Most Ukrainians are married naked, parents will only finance a small part, the young couple rent their own house and live there, and then buy a house and a car when conditions are good.

The bride and groom are married in a church, and when the guests arrive, they take pictures together, eat, and sing, dance, and games until 4:00 at night, which is very enjoyable.

During the whole process, the couple is not tired at all, but also very enjoyable, and will not spend all the time and energy on entertaining guests, not to mention the need to toast, are the guests take the initiative to carry a glass of wine to see the couple.

In China, parents are more supportive when getting married. My mother-in-law gave me a large sum of money at the time, and I was a little flattered. But we never touched it, saving it for emergencies.

We got married according to Chinese custom, all in big red dresses, and there was a send-off session with my Ukrainian friends from China.

The wedding was very lively, full of guests and friends, and there was no wedding drama, the whole process was a bit tiring, but I was very happy.

After the wedding, my husband and I both lived in Beijing. in the fall of 2019, my husband jumped from Air China back to Shandong to continue working as a flight attendant, and I followed him back to Qingdao from Beijing. We live in different neighborhoods from my mother-in-law, a half-hour drive away.

Before I got married, my friend learned that I was going to marry in Shandong and carefully and quietly reminded me that Shandong's in-laws are very powerful, so I must think carefully.

When I got married, I found that my mother-in-law was really good, but she was very good to me.

Sometimes there is a small conflict with my husband, my mother-in-law does not ask the reason, and does not care who is right and who is wrong, but only criticizes my husband. Any problems between us, my in-laws and my husband's relatives, would put themselves in my shoes and never made me feel like an outsider.

Christmas and New Year's Day are both very strong holidays in Ukraine, and my mother-in-law takes care of my tastes, and we cook a big table together with a mix of Chinese and Western food.

During Chinese New Year, I would also follow my husband to visit his friends and relatives. When preparing the meals, the relatives would consider my eating habits and prepare my favorite Western food.

Although my husband is very good to me, he is a straight man and does not know much about romance. However, knowing that I am more ritualistic, he will send me flowers and gifts on holidays. Sometimes I get angry and when I come home from work, I will buy myself a cup of myself ffeel tomake up for it.

When he travels, he will bring me food and gadgets from around the world. My husband buys all my cosmetics at duty-free stores, and he tells me strange stories about the flight.

Feelings are mutual, couples should be understanding of each other, you and I, to run a good marriage.

On my husband's birthday, I also prepare elaborate gifts for him, such as making him a cheesecake with my own hands.

After 7 years in China, my cooking skills have improved a lot and I can cook Chinese hard dishes. Sometimes, when I am alone at home, I will make a braised pork ribs to treat myself.

Our son was born in April this year, and I am currently staying at home with the baby until he is about one year old before going back to work. After having a child, we still have a good relationship. However, sometimes he blames me for putting all the time and energy into the child.

My husband and I felt that it was better to live alone after marriage, so we didn't live with my in-laws, and even when we had a baby, we didn't ask my mother-in-law to help with it. But bringing up a baby is a big job, so sometimes there is no time to take care of your husband.

It is so tiring to bring up a baby alone, and when I have time, I just want to rest. But more often than not, we are understanding of each other, he will come home and take care of the household chores, I will also pay attention to his mood, and.

Now the days are uneventful and full. lling. What worries me most is the epidemic and the war.

Because of the epidemic, flights were reduced and my husband's income dropped a lot, but he still has some savings and is usually frugal, so he can still get by.

Due to the epidemic, I have not been home for three years. I used to go home once or twice a year to see my grandparents, who were already old and old, and every time I called, I would cry because I missed them, and it was very hard for me.

From toddler to college graduation