How I learned to set boundaries for myself and others

The route to self-love can be a lengthy one, and it should be consistent because it is a lifelong journey.

As I would like to believe, the final year of high school is the most amazing moment in most students' lives, but it may have taught many as myself grief, and self-assurance, and led me to love and appreciate myself even more. As an introvert, I am more shy, quieter, and non-reactive in many situations and with individuals.

People walked all over me because they thought it was all right and that I would not complain, and they were correct, I would find myself crying and feeling sorry for myself for being treated so terribly rather than standing up for myself and being assertive.

This went on for a long time until I became tired of always being the victim; now when I look back on my high school days, I realize that the reason I was treated that way was because I allowed it. Everyone could sense a sense of low self-worth. I didn't think I was gorgeous enough, intellectual enough, cute enough, or likable enough; I just didn't think I was enough. All this came from my insecurities I guess. They saw what I saw in myself and that was my lack of confidence and boundaries.

I used to believe that the problem was that I am an introvert and that if I were more outgoing, expressive, witty, and loud, they would accept me. However, this was not the case, and the only reason was that I lacked limits, self-worth, and respect for myself.

One day while browsing the internet, I came across a blog post discussing boundaries and how people with boundaries are treated with a lot more respect. What piqued my interest was that boundaries were not something people were born with but learned and implemented. I love the fact the people set their own rules, which was something like “Hey I am not allowing that or I am not accepting that type of behavior from you or anyone else”.

The first day I used this method of making it clear to someone that I wouldn’t accept such type of behavior in class was when people started taking me a lot more seriously and I said these exact words when I was disrespected by my classmate in front of the whole entire class for speaking vernacular in instead of English, I stopped her right there and said: “I don't like being spoken to like that because that’s not how I speak to people, I can't appreciate that, please don't do it again”. Both I and she were taken aback because the old me would never have said anything like that, and I can see she never expected those words from me either.

My confidence rose that instant after saying those words, and from then on, I learned to speak up for myself and never let anyone disrespect or bully me for fun.

My confidence developed as I established better boundaries, as did my self-love, and I also realized that the only one who can determine my self-worth is only myself.

Along the process of setting boundaries, I began to surround myself with positive influences such as mentors, and friends, watching self-improvement YouTube channels, and resources that boosted and encouraged me on my journey. Their encouragement and support were crucial in increasing my self-esteem and equipping me with the tools I needed to face hurdles.

Looking back on my journey, I see that gaining confidence, self-love, and having boundaries is a continuous process. It takes dedication, self-reflection, and a willingness to take risks in order to understand oneself, what one likes, dislikes, and what one will not tolerate.

And with that being said thank you for reading.