Drama Saved Me

Before I entered high school, I already knew that I was a quiet and shy person, mostly liked to keep to myself. It wasn’t until I went to high school that I realized that I had zero confidence and self-esteem, so I knew that I needed to do something about it. Especially, when I heard that a girl didn’t like me for that very fact. Quite a few people I can believe had the same opinion. My sister had been taking drama classes in Glasgow at the Scottish Youth Theatre for some time. One day, my Mum and I went to go and see a sharing that had been put on in the Brian Cox studio and I knew that this was it. I began classes at some point after that and it forever changed my life. Unlike school, this was a literal judgement free zone and not only that, they encouraged you to wear comfortable, loose clothing. So much better than a constricting uniform.

I remember during break I just sat on my own, not confident enough to talk to anyone but Scottish Youth Theatre is all for raising kids up to feel comfortable in their own skin, so they have drama assistants. She came and sat next to me and talked to me. It was amazing. Then, the next week one of the girls called me over to sit with them and they were so nice. I had the best time. During those years I did courses during the holidays as well where we would put on shows. I even did musical theatre which I found out that I had no talent for whatsoever but at least I know now. The best was probably the murder mysteries during the October holidays. That first one I performed in really did change me. By the end of the week, I felt that tiny flame of confidence grow into a roaring fire. I no longer had to be in my room to let my guard down and be myself.

I stayed in that class until I was fourteen and I felt ready to leave and try other places for a change. First, I just focused on school and I was studying drama there anyway so I was keeping it up but after a while, I did sign up for classes somewhere new and it just wasn’t the same. The environment didn’t feel like you could just do a cartwheel around the room and no one would bat an eyelid. They would probably join you if they could. This felt very judgmental and there was this group that acted like the popular kids and wouldn’t interact with anyone else and I just felt stupid. Luckily, I had a friend there who also went to SYT but even so, I couldn’t finish the term. It was also on after school and at this point, I was in my final year studying both French and Spanish. Stupid, I know.

After that I didn’t perform anymore, I solely focused on school and things were good as they could have been. I had a great group of friends to sit and have lunch and to spend my free time with. To this day, I still keep in contact with a few of them. I actually didn’t do anything acting related until I was eighteen, dropped out of university. Again somewhere where I had to start over in a new place and I wasn’t comfortable about it so I did the same thing again, except this was much bigger. Every year they had a course going on during the summer called the Summer Festival, where there was a range of course for different ages. The one I wanted to do was the longest, four weeks and the most expensive but I really wanted to work on a show that wasn’t devised but got to work from a script. The play was The Tempest by William Shakespeare for his 400th anniversary from his death. Though you had to audition.

The audition went terribly. I was so anxious running on no sleep the night before and no food for breakfast. I fluffed up my lines a lot. The director recognized from when I was a kid and that was nice but I left feeling so down. I knew I hadn’t gotten in. I did though and it was the best summer of my life. I gained and learned so much from the rest of the cast and the character I got to play was so fun to mess around with.

After it was over I definitely went through withdrawal symptoms. I found out that confidence for me was like a drug, the buzz only lasts for so long. Luckily it lasted long enough to audition as a club dancer for Trainspotting at the Citizens Theatre which I got. Dancing isn’t my strong point either.

Throughout this journey, I realize that you can only work with what is there. Sure you can change and evolve but you’re still going to be the same person. I’m a naturally shy person who has found ways of turning it around sometimes but that’s the way I was born and that’s how it will always be. I don’t know how I would have gone through high school if I hadn’t had SYT. Things were so low for me and many times I didn’t think I would make it through to the end but I did and I know exactly who to thank.