Coyotes in the Wild

My fascination with coyotes began when my ex and I would drive out to Stinson beach, to have bonfires, smoke pot, and talk about life. We would always hear coyotes during our night walks. I found their calls thrilling, terrifying, and fascinating.

In spirituality, coyotes symbolize trickery, playfulness, and adaptability. They can also reveal the truth behind chaos and illusions, if you pay attention to the message they are trying to teach you. Despite tomfoolery, Coyotes are full of wisdom, even with their subtle passivity. They are both cunning and clever, even in stealth.

Coyotes can also symbolize hidden feelings. These hidden feelings are the very ones that we have pushed down and avoided for years. Coyotes remind us that when you are ready to confront your inner demons, it is only then that true healing can begin.

If you are seeing a coyote in a dream or in the flesh, it means that someone around you is not who they say they are and you should approach with caution. It also means that you will need to remain present so you can use your mind to choose what is real and what is an illusion.

Coyotes are strong, mystical and known to survive in packs, however they don’t work in harmony. They operate in packs that can be alone but together. Their pack rely on each other for survival, they use their pack to defend themselves against enemies and nothing more. I identify with this behavior, it is what I have done to survive. I have been in survival mode for so long that I don’t know any other way of living. My crew has also been in survivor mode and we run deep, that is until it comes down to you or me. We understand each other because we will always choose ourselves.

Denying my troubled past is not helping me. It’s hurting me and I’m ready to confront my inner demons, it’s the only way I can set myself free. For the first time in a long timeI don’t want to be in survivor mode anymore. I want a partner that will have my back through thick and thin, not just when it’s convenient for you. I’m working on forgiving myself for the awful things I did when I was in survivor mode.

Hence, why I am looking for a coyote.

I packed my car with a tent, a flashlight, a sleeping back, and food for the night. I want to find the coyotes but I know I have to be strategic about my plan, since they are known to roam at night.

The moon is glowing in the dark sky, as I set foot on the woods.

Should I be worried, I thought to myself, as the green light flickers from my flashlight. What am I doing? Deep down I know why I’m doing this, but is it safe?

My parents would be appalled by my decision to go on a night walk to learn more about coyotes. The words of judgement and hatefulness ruminate my thoughts, “Why are you doing this?” “What were you thinking?” “Are you stupid, you could have died!”

To them, it seems stupid, but I want to understand these mystical creatures. I’m curious what they do, how they live, and more importantly how they are going to help me face my fears.

Maybe, my parents are right. Maybe, this was stupid.

Why didn’t I check my flashlight before leaving the house? Well, it’s too late now. I’m already here and I have to make a decision. Should I continue on my night walk or do I turn around and go back to my tent?

Did you even remember batteries? More deprecating thoughts enter my mind as I start to walk back to my tent. More than anything, I wish you were here. You would have thought to check the battery before leaving the house. You were the brain behind our operation. I was merely the one with crazy ideas and you were my faithful sidekick.

The green light begins to flicker more, right as I hear more coyote screams. You can do this, you can do hard things, I murmur to myself. It’s just one night. You are almost safe in your tent, morning will be here soon.

Just as I make it back to my tent, my flashlight dies completely. I’m grateful, I made it back, just in the knick of time.