A Moth to Flame

It’s a tragic thing, the life of a moth.

Long ago they were creatures flittering around in the night, using the radient moonbeams as a beacon for their navigational systems. Sometimes these creatures would be attracted to the crackling lights of a fire, hence the phrase “like a moth drawn into the flame.” Once the invention of the lightbulb was created, these creatures got more and more confused with where they were supposed to be. Attracted to things that were never meant for them. Dying in places that they never should've been.

Most people get uncomfortable with my fascination with moths. Most twist their faces into ugly sneers, or stare at me confused about how I could love such awful things. Few people have asked me what my fascination is with them. Apart from their beautiful diversity in size, shapes and colours, the answer is simple. I could never hate another creature that continually lives the same life I've lived through.

I'm honestly not so different from the little moths that get lost just trying to follow their navigational systems, getting swayed by forces beyond their comprehension. You only know what you know, and like the moth - I didn't have all the information. To the moth, the light fixture on the porch at the end of a hot summers day looked like the dazzling brightness of the moon. They were just trying to find their way home. To me, the boy in the grey sweater with piercing blue eyes looked so much like love. Both creature and human desprately stayed where we were, clinging on to things we were attracted to - but not meant for.

We both ended up being destroyed by things not meant for us. While the moth burned up in the false flame of a false moon, I burned up in a destructive, consuming flame disguised as love. Pieces of our bodies, hearts and souls dying in situations we never should have been in.

To this day, I glance up at the flourescent lights in any building. I get overcome with a wave of sadness for all of the moths that died — alone, confused, and scared. My heart aches with a pain I've not yet found the words to express. I find myself wondering just how many people I know are sharing a similar fate. I sigh as I mourn for the creatures that were just searching for home and ended up somewhere foreign. A place they don't understand. A place that looked so inviting from afar, but trapped them inside - never escaping. Just left to become shells of who they once were. Slowly decaying.

Another wave of sadness rolls as I see the moth being drawn into predatory traps that will shock them to death. The shock trap is no different than the guise my ex-love wore. An artificial light that burned so bright that I mistook it for the real thing. I thought he was love. Turns out, he was just trying to lure me in. I thought about other insects and animals being tricked into traps of man-made design, but I realized that humans are no different. We come into these relationships unknowing, expected to trust. Dazed by the person weilding the brightest light in the room that is screaming it loves us. We follow blindly, and that's when it happens. We get stunned, confused. We're shocked, and we plummet to the earth. We get hurt in countless ways, in the end - we're just outright depleted. Sometimes we can bounce back, sometimes we can't. It's barbaric.

It’s a tragic thing to happen, no matter the species, in the end.

Eventually we learn to adapt, survive, and overcome. If we make it out alive, we know what love isn't. No longer will we be guided by the false light of love. The Moth now reminds me of a time where I was naive, innocent - easily swayed, and blinded by things I didn't understand.

So when I see a moth in a place it does not belong, flittering around a light it shouldn't be - I scoop it up gently. Taking great care to not touch the creatures wings, and cause further damage, I relocate the moth to somewhere it'll have a better chance at finding its true light. I can only hope that one day - if I ever find myself in a situation again where I am drawn to a false light - that someone will show me the same mercy.