"The Fan" Gets Another Chance...

Here is the original poem:

There are some Challenges where I feel that the Vocal Gods are smiling down on me. There is work that I have produced that has brought out the best in me; sometimes it has brought out things I did not know existed in me. And I feel that I really do have something to say with this one.

I am going to talk about “The Fan”.

Now, I know that not many of you have read this particular poem – one of my earliest entries on this page – so, let me introduce you to the first draft of this particular poem:

“Just let me finish with the game, honey.”

My wife just sat there, staring into space.

“Last time I checked, the score was 3 to 3,

*

And could you pass me my beer if you see

it by the lamp…with the bulb I will replace…

Just let me finish with the game, honey.

*

“That last goal was disallowed, but tell me

why he’s still on?” (She had started to pace.)

“Last time I checked the score was 3 to 3.

*

And I didn’t see the damn referee

until they passed to…what’s-his-face…

Just let me finish with the game, honey.”

*

I guess she must have heard. I knew that she

had to go out tonight (no time to waste)…

“Last time I checked, the score was…3 to 3.”

*

(Very stupid words to repeat, believe

me.) She left with her purse (and suitcase?)

“Just let me finish with the game…honey?

Last time I checked, the score was 3 to 3.”

Do you recognize the form? It is a villanelle, most famously used by the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas in one of his best and most well-known poem, “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night”. Do remember that one? It was written by the poet to commemorate the power and loss of such in his father as he aged and approached death. It remains an epic poem on a grand theme.

Now, with my poem, I went down a different road. I was part of a writers’ group that was charged with producing work every week. My villanelle was read out to a group of my colleagues and friends…and I got torn apart.

“What does this word mean?” “Why did you choose this form?” “What are you trying to say?” And on and on and on…

I was really floored and knocked out windless when I heard the critique. There were changes that I was willing to make so that the non-fans in the room could understand what the story was (the version I included here is probably the third or fourth version I’ve created). And I still found myself having to explain it.

I put it away and realized something very interesting: you should be very careful about what you choose to parody if the audience is not ready to laugh.

Yes, I did want the audience around that table to laugh. Most of the poetry and stories we had to sit through were so dour and pretentious I was tempted to prod myself with a pen just to stay awake.

But, I put it away, accepted what they said, and licked my wounds. Other poems would come and it was good to realize that I had a limit on what I could get from readers, even ones I considered friends and colleagues.

And then, many years later, I found Vocal.

It was in the middle of the Covid era, and I was stuck at home spending even more time in front of a screen. After attempting to dump some unwanted files, I found “The Fan”, reread it again, and decided to give it another chance.

Here is another draft:

“Just let me finish with the game, honey.”

My wife just sat there, staring into space.

“Last time I checked, the score was 3 to 3,

And could you pass me my beer if you see

it by the lamp…with the bulb I will replace…

Just let me finish with the game, honey.

“That last goal was disallowed, but tell me

why he’s still on?” (She had started to pace.)

“Last time I checked the score was 3 to 3.

And I didn’t see the damn referee

until they passed to…what’s-his-face…

Just let me finish with the game, honey.”

I guess she must have heard. I knew that she

had to go out tonight (no time to waste)…

“Last time I checked, the score was…3 to 3.”

(Very stupid words to repeat, believe

me.) She left with her purse (and suitcase?)

“Just let me finish with the game, honey…

Last time I checked, the score was 3 to 3.”

If you compare the two, you might notice a few things. One, I have turned certain statements into questions and questions into statements. Two, I have kept the humour intact.

Some might argue that this is an inherently sexist and insensitive character to give voice to such a beautiful poetic form…and they would be right. And that is the point I wanted to make. The voice here belongs to a man who clearly does not deserve anyone in his life. He would be happier with just his TV, his beer and the results of the latest game.

No, I do not think that it is perfect, but I do think that the only way that good writing works is by challenging what came before it. This seems to be a form trapped in the textbooks that needed a little jolt to get it back to its former relevancy. Dylan Thomas be damned. I want to try and bring it down to earth.

Any thoughts?