The Fair

Saturday was overcast, and there was a little chill in the air. I thought about forgetting my jacket so I’d have a reason to snuggle up to Trey, but if he didn’t bring one, I’d be cold, and I didn’t want to wear long sleeves.

I wish my boobs were bigger and thought about wearing my water bra, but I only have one, and I decided to save it for our first dress-up date. My mom has a bottle of Estée Lauder’s Beautiful on her dresser, and I dabbed some on my heart, behind my ears, and on my neck.

I was extra careful with my makeup, wishing my eyes were big enough for a smoky eye. After that, I used the contour brushes with my blush, and it almost looked like I had cheekbones. Should I wear lipstick or just lip balm? I wanted him to kiss me, but I didn’t want lipstick smears messing up my makeup after I took so much time with it— three whole Pearl Jam songs.

Blair’s boyfriend was taking her to the fair, and I talked her into going earlier than they planned. I didn’t want to take my car; I wanted him to bring me home, and I definitely didn’t want Seth there.

We had to listen to Robby's crappy Rage Against the Machine all the way to the fairgrounds, like he has anything to be angry about in his beamer.

Oh, God! What if he wasn't there? I'd have to be a third wheel with Robby and Blair, ride rides with strangers or by myself. Dammit, I wanted a big teddy bear like all of my friends had. It was bad enough that the only class ring I ever wore was my own and never wore anyone's letter jacket in high school. I wasn't Josie Grossie, but Seth took me to prom.

We had to park way far away, and I was glad I wore my new boots until we went through the livestock exhibit. I hate the way the animals smell. It's kind of sweet, but mixed with something else that makes me feel weird.

Trey was waiting for me by the gate, and he paid my admission and got hand stamps for both of us. I wondered what game he would win something for me at. He said fair fries were one of his favorite things, with the malt vinegar. I'd never tried them; we always got a turkey leg and cotton candy. The vinegar was so sour that I almost made a face. When he asked me how I liked them, I said I understood why he always got them, even though it made no sense to me to ruin perfectly good fries with vinegar.

I should've left my jacket at home. He had one, and now I wouldn't have a reason to borrow it. I had to reapply my mascara three times because it kept clumping. I hoped he appreciated the trouble I went to.

We walked around first. I could hear the hip hop from the Himalaya and was looking forward to it, the way it squinches you up against who you're riding with. When we got to the midway, I asked him if he wanted to win me that teddy bear now.

"Let's wait a while until some of these kids clear out, and you don't want to have to carry it around all night. I'm going to win you the biggest one they've got."

Don't want to carry it around with me? That's the whole point, for everyone to see that I have one. That a guy won one for me. I told him I wouldn't mind.

"Why don't we get a candy apple? Get the sour taste out of our mouths."

I hate candy apples; my teeth always get stuck, but wait. Did he want to share one? I smiled and said that sounded great, but he needed to take the first bite so my face wouldn't get all sticky from it, and he said okay, but getting sticky is half the fun.

Then he said his mom always took him to the carousel first, so that's what he wanted to do. It was a tradition. I wondered when I would meet his mom. That's the real test; that's what Cathy and Mary Elizabeth say, that if you don't meet his mom, it's not serious.

We got horses next to each other on the carousel. I hated how fat my thighs looked sitting on the fake horse and hoped Trey didn’t notice. He reached across to hold my hand. It was so sweet. I could see myself telling my grandchildren about our first date. If I can have children. One of my aunts couldn’t, and it might be genetic. I’m not going to ruin this by thinking about that.

The carousel finally started moving, and I saw some people from downtown. I hoped they saw me, too. Trey wasn’t talking much, but he squeezed my hand every now and then. I could tell he really liked me.

The sun was just starting to set, and I asked him if we could ride the Himalaya next. He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked over to it.

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Susan was wearing another print top; I guess she thought she was one of those women who can wear print, but she isn’t tall enough to not look upholstered in it, like a chair or loveseat. At least she had a blue jean jacket to cover most of it up. She was wearing a really flowery perfume, reminded me of how it smelled over by the cows.

After we had fries and rode the carousel like Elizabeth and I used to, she said she wanted to ride the Himalaya. That might time it right for it to get dark on the Ferris wheel. I couldn’t wait to see if she freaked out or cried.

She was kind of tapping her foot to the music, and I saw that she was wearing boots. Who wears boots to the fair? The line was long, but we only had to wait two cycles. I got on the inside and she sat down next to me, leaving space for her thighs to spread out on the seat. I hoped they didn’t make anyone get in with us, especially some kid. I wanted her to forget anyone else was there. Then, it would be easy to talk her into the Ferris wheel while the sun was setting. Girls love dramatic sunsets. I wondered how she would act after I calmed her down, probably by winning her a bear.

The carnie came around to check our safety bar, then the lights came on and we started moving around the undulating track, faster and faster, squishing her up against me. I put my arm around her and looked down. Did she really think I was going to kiss her here? That’s crazy.

When we started going backwards she looked a little green. Perfect. She’d need something slower after this. No way was I getting on the Gravitron with her if she got like this from the Himalaya.

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After the Himalaya, he said I looked like I needed something slower, and wouldn’t the Ferris wheel at sunset be perfect? I’m terrified of heights, but a first kiss at the top would be really romantic, and everyone would see him kissing me.

The line was kind of long, and the sun was setting faster and faster. Maybe the kiss would be so magical that I wouldn’t even get scared.

The smell of funnel cake in the air was so strong that Trey probably couldn’t smell my perfume. I probably didn’t put enough on. I could barely smell it anymore. A big gust of wind whipped up, blowing my hair all over the place. Good thing we didn’t get that candy apple. My hair would’ve stuck to my face. Sideshow barkers’ voices competed with the hum of the generators, and we kept getting closer. The clouds were moving so fast it looked like someone was painting the sunset in real time.

Trey laced his fingers through mine and gave my hand a squeeze. “Scared?” he asked.

My heart was hammering against my chest so hard that I could feel my pulse in my ears. “A little,” I replied. Only two more buckets before we would get in ours.

The bottom of the little dangling bench in a box, painted yellow, was littered with discarded candy apple and corndog sticks, gum wrappers, cigarette butts, and a used condom. So much for not looking out. We went up on the back side of the wheel then stopped for the red bucket to unload and reload. Our bucket swang precariously. I was terrified, but Trey had such a radiant smile that I swallowed my fear so I wouldn’t ruin this for him.

We went up again, the abrupt start and stop making our bucket swing more dangerously. My hands started sweating. Trey smiled, and I felt a little better. We had one more stop before we reached the top. I could do this. It was worth the sunset kiss at the top of the wheel.

The last one was the worst. We were so high up, and the bucket was making a creaking noise as it carried itself back and forth like a porch swing. I never heard of a Ferris wheel death. Next stop is the top.

Oh my God, when we were swinging back and forth at the tippity-top, Trey took both of my hands. Then a hawk swooped so close that it made the bucket swing faster. I thought I would die from the bird or the ground. That’s when Trey asked me if I’d be his girlfriend. I smiled and said yes and waited for him to kiss me, but the ride moved and stopped again.

This time, I couldn’t see anything between me and the ground. I felt the tears burn the backs of my eyes, and I couldn’t make myself stop breathing so fast. Trey saw that I was scared and kissed me, very softly, on the lips. Then we moved again. He moved in the seat, and it made the bucket feel like it would fly off its hinges and smash us on the ground. I started screaming.

“Stop it! Stop it! You’re making it worse!” The tears came spilling out over my eyeliner and mascara, ruining my makeup. I felt the sobs in my chest and tried to choke them back. Trey got out his phone.

The wheel moved again, and we weren’t at the bottom yet. “Goddamn it, Trey! If you take my picture right now, I’ll take that phone and throw it!!!”

He put the phone away and put his arm around me, telling me to shhhhh. He said I was beautiful even when I cried, but no one at work would believe him. Then he asked if I wanted to get off at the bottom. I nodded and said please. But when we got to the bottom, it didn't stop, just kept moving, and we were going up again with that damn bucket swinging. Trey kept moving closer to me on the bench so he could hold me, but it made the bucket even scarier, the erratic motion terrifying me, and I started crying again, couldn't hold the sobs back, and there I was on display for everyone to see. I hid my face so no one would see my makeup running all over it. My face gets all blotchy when I get upset and makes me look ugly.

I’ve never been so scared in my life, and when we finally made it back around again, it stopped and one of the guys running it came over and helped me out. When Trey hopped out behind me, I thanked him for making them stop it to let me off. Then something weird happened.

The guy who helped me out said, “Yes, ma’am, my pleasure. We don’t want no lawsuits.” I wasn’t even talking to him.