Accept - A Play

Note: This is another example of something that I left on a drive and forgot about. It is a play about the world we live in...and I think you might find something to relate to...

-K.D.

*

• Setting: Suburban basement. It has been transformed into a home office. On the lower stage, we see a desk, laptop and desktop computer, table lamp, chair behind the desk, pictures facing the chair (family) and around a window facing the backyard. The window behind the desk has open blinds and looks out on a beautiful day. On stage right, we see boxes, files, assorted material people would leave and abandon in a basement. On stage left, a door leading into the room. There is chair next to it facing the desk.

• Time: Mid-week (Tuesday or Wednesday morning; around 10 am); it is early September.

• Cast: Man I (middle-aged man; he is working at the desk facing the audience; there is a project due soon; he has to use his desktop to load a new program) ; Man II (younger man; late twenties; well-dressed professional; he will appear eventually)

Man I is looking over the terms and conditions as the stage lights up.

Man I: (reading the screen in front of him) Okay, here we go. “Terms and Conditions”, blah, blah, blah… “Do you accept…,” blah, blah, blah. Easy when you have no choice. And, boom.

He clicks on the screen icon in front of him and proceeds to work. After a few moments, we hear a car pull up and a loud screech as it stops. A car door is heard opening and slamming shut. There is a loud rap on a front door. Man I pays growing attention to each noise and looks at the door as the knocking grows louder and louder. We finally hear wood splintering as the door is kicked open. Man II now enters the room. He is younger than Man I, better dressed and professionally mannered (has suitcase and suit, tie with pin, polished shoes, etc.). Man I is briefly in shock, staring at Man II (not really sure how to respond to this intruder). In shock, he picks up his phone without really looking at it.

Man II: Well, I’m here.

Man I: What the hell is this? Did you wreck my door?

Man II: Here I am. You know why.

Man I: Know what? What the hell…

Man II: Oh, the thing. That thing (he points at Man I’s computer). You clicked; I came.

Man I: I…

Man II: (Realization hits him) Oh, wait. You’re one of them.

Man I: (Now getting angry) One of what?

Man II: A clicker; not a thinker.

Man I: Okay. Okay, wait a minute. Did you wreck my door? And what is all this?

Man II: Yes, and am I wrong? Didn’t you click on the agreement without reading it all the way through? Would explain why you’re shocked to see me.

Man I: (Looks at computer screen) What the hell…? (He realizes that he is hearing the truth) Jesus…

Man II: See, I told you. Never read it. Very few people do, so we have to deal with these kinds of situations in person. Far too often, I think.

Man I: (Numb) These situations…

Man II: Let me explain. (Puts on his salesman voice) After clicking the “Accept” icon on the “Terms and Conditions” page, you will have access to all the material provided online, along with all of the other extra services and tools provided by our group. As you can see (Proudly gestures to himself).

Man I: (Pauses; takes it all in) So, you mean to tell me that because I agreed to use some online program, I have to deal with you?

Man II: (Hurt) “Deal with you?” You don’t have to “deal” with anyone. You are a very lucky man.

Man I: Lucky?

Man II: Yes! I’m here to help you.

Man I: (Violently shrugging this off) Look, I just wanted to get some work done and I wanted to try some new software. So, if this is some sort of prank…

Man II: (Takes a card out from his suit) Please read this. (Hands card over)

Man I: (Hesitant, but curious, he takes the card, reads it quietly; shock on his face; he cannot believe what he is reading) This makes no fucking sense!

Man II: It does, if you think about it…

Man I: This is insane!

Man II: Well, what is more insane: people who just accept whatever appears on their screen and click on it without reading the terms, or the people who never click on anything and never have any technology that is up to date?

Man I: (Pauses to take this in) Still makes no sense!

Man II: And yet, I am here.

Man I: Okay, okay… (Goes back to his desk; picks up his cell phone) I am going to give you a head start on getting the hell out of here before I call…

Man II: (Confidently) …the police?

Man I: (Frowns) Yes?

Man II: Yes. Now, you should look at your most recent text.

Man I: (Looks quickly at phone screen; there is a new text message; starts to read it; sickly expression) “Indemnified against...in perpetuity…in the home of…” (Stops; silent briefly) This is insanity.

Man II: It may seem so, but you are a very lucky man.

Man I: Stop saying that!

Man II: Okay. (Reverts to his professional tone) You have an assistant for your project. Your boss will be happy.

Man I: (Quietly) He’s never happy. Never.

Man II: Fair point, especially after your last meeting, right?

Man I: (Glaring at him) What did you say?

Man II: You remember? Mr. Barron told you go and fix those figures or else he’d staple your ass to the table…or was it tits? (Pulls out a paper from his briefcase; sits down) I really should review all of this more thoroughly (Continues in professional mode) And then you got HR involved, so they sent you back home…

Man I: (Gets angry; grabs Man II by the collar and almost picks him up) Who the hell are you?!

Man II: (Calmly) Read the agreement.

They both look over at the desk and the computer for a moment; they then look briefly at each other; Man I, still angry, releases Man II, walks over to the computer, plays angrily with the mouse while standing in front of the monitor; as he reads the screen, he slowly drops into the chair; his energy seems to be gone.

Man II: (Adjusting his clothes, now standing) Told you.

Man I: Jesus…

Man II: We are very thorough about the terms. We have to be.

Man I: This is just… I don’t have…

Man II: I know how odd this all seems. We have done this many times before for many different clients. (Proudly) In fact, we are quite a growth industry. No other group would go this far to make sure our customers are happy.

Man I: (After a moment) I really don’t understand what is happening to me today.

Man II: (Trying to help) It is called “good luck”.

Man I: Okay. All right. As long as I can get my work done… (Begins working at his desk, occasionally looking over at Man II)

During the above, Man II begins looking around the space of the office; checks out the photos; picks up a paper or book; goes back to the spare chair eventually.

Man II: You have a nice space here. (Man I ignores this) I think that I should do this with my own place. Maybe a new chair and desk…

Man I: I said that I had work to do.

Man II: I know.

Man I: So?

Man II: I can help out, if you like.

Man I: It’s just some spreadsheet… (He pauses, looking at the screen; he starts clicking the mouse, visibly shocked by what he is seeing) This is wrong. (Man II looks at him, smiling; Man I notices this) This is you, right?

Man II: (Picks up a book, flips through it; not looking up) Yup.

Man I: You finished it.

Man II: We finished it. (Puts the book down) Well, most of it. You still have another project due.

Man I: (Dazed look) Jesus…

Man II: We left you a lot on your plate. You should be thinking about how much free time you have now.

Man I: Right. That’s what’s on my mind.

Man II: No, really. You and your wife were having problems, and this could…

Man I: (Getting up; furious) Just stop it! I don’t need this! Why the hell are you here? And I don’t need any more B.S. about clicking on some page and suddenly you show up to help me with work. And then talking about my wife…

Man II: (Standing up; apologetic) I am sorry. I should have warned you about this. When you click, we do an instant search on who you are, where you come from…and what is happening in your life. I only had a chance to look over the material while driving up, but one thing stood out to me and that was the…situation with you and your wife.

Man I: (Coming out slowly from behind the desk; stands at a distance; never breaks eye contact) Okay. Okay…I am done with this. Just leave.

Man II: I cannot do that, sir.

Man I: Leave!

Man II: Sorry.

Man I and Man II stare at each other for a moment. Man I picks up cell from the desk.

Man I: The police will be here if you don’t…

Man II: Actually, no, they won’t. We already discussed this.

Man I: (Calling a bluff and the police at the same time) Yes, yes, I’d like to report an…intruder. (Smiling) Yes, that’s right. (He stops smiling) Wait, how do you know my address…and name? (Looks hard at Man II) Yes, he’s here. But I don’t see… (Pause; painful look on his face) They want to speak to you. They want to speak…to you. (Hands phone to Man II)

Man II: I know. (Takes Man I’s cell phone; clears throat) Yes, officer? That’s right. I know, another one. (Pause; looks at Man I) No, I think I’ll be okay. (Smiles; laughs) Yes, yes… And how’s your wife? (More laughter; it might be audible over the phone as well) Okay, okay. Speak to you later. Bye. (Hands phone back to Man I; MI is completely dumbfounded; slowly takes the phone) Sorry. Now, about your wife… (Man I does not speak) Okay, as you have already figured out, we have some information on you that might be…sensitive. We have contacts who fill us in on what the client is up to at work and that includes…private material.

Man I: (Staring at his phone now) Private information…

Man II: Yes, that’s right. We all do it. We download, read emails and…click on pages without really thinking about what we are doing.

Man I: (Painful smile) Hmm. That sounds right. (Rising anger) But that doesn’t give you the right to…

Man II: Tell me about her. You have been together for…ten years? Two kids?

Man I: Fuck you.

Man II: Sorry. (Pause) One kid. We know that much. (Pause) A girl.

Man I: Shut up! (Tearing up) You are doing this to just hurt me. Hurt us… (Choking up) My wife went through enough when we lost her and I am not going to let you put her or me through any of that again. (Walks over and grabs Man II; tries to drag him to the door; Man II, very quickly, puts Man I in a headlock; he is clearly stronger than Man I; Man I struggles for a moment; he submits to the grip; they fall to the floor; Man I cries) Why do this now? Why do this…? (Man II lets Man I go; Man I continues to cry) Why…?

Man II: (Standing up, adjusting his clothes; reverts to professional tone) I went too far. I see it now. But I did want to know what happened. (Pause) All that information and still we don’t know… (Gets down on his haunches) She passed away just before her sixth birthday. Your other daughter was born two years later. The wife…your wife is very protective of her; she is about to finish kindergarten… And now you work at home. It took you some time to set yourself up like this, but you did it. You made it. (He helps Man I get up and then returns to his seat during this speech) We know that you use her name for your password on many things, including our system. (Man I wipes his face; stands by himself and finally looks at Man II) We are impressed.

Man I: (Pause; slow walk to his seat; looks at his computer; stares at Man II) You wanted more information, right? You said that you only had so much information saved?

Man II: (Smiling) Yes, that’s right.

Man I: You want to know more.

Man II: We do. (Catching himself) I do.

Man I: (Smiling) I have conditions.

Man II: (Stops smiling) What?

Man I: Conditions…

Man II: (Uncomfortable now) That’s…not how this is done. Nobody does this. No one…

Man I: Stop. And listen. (He walks over to Man II, who begins to shrink to his knees and tries to find the chair) Sit down. (Pushes Man II into the chair)

Man II: (Broken now) No one…

Man I: You already said that. And since we are trading stories, I want to know about you. Talk.

Man II: (Quietly) I don’t think that’s fair.

Man I: Fair? You break into my home; you tell me that you’re part of an acceptance click on a random program…and then you talk about my fucking family (Grabs Man II by the collar). Don’t tell me about fair. Don’t do that. (Lets go of Man II) Besides, I have work to do and you are really screwing up my schedule (Looks at his watch) So, talk… (Man I sits in front of the screen; waits)

Man II: (Stands up slowly; adjusts clothes, hair; he is on the verge of crying; gathers himself together; wipes his face) This will be my last speech. (Pause) I love this job. I really do. I was in school when I found out about this kind of work. I was not a great student and I could not even think of something I liked enough to do for the rest of my life. No skills at math or writing. Not even good at reading and analyzing a text for a paper. But I was good at one thing: I could talk. I could speak to anyone without tripping over my tongue. Got me out of a lot of trouble. Even teachers who hated me were impressed when I spoke. I had that… (Pause) So, one day, I’m talking to an old friend who’s a genius with computers…and nothing else. Didn’t really understand why he was calling me – hadn’t seen him in five years. I was working in retail, living at home; not happy being around the folks. He offered me a job that was totally new and he was willing to pay well for my time. After another four, I could actually train others in what to say and do. It was second nature. And we got big. Really big. (Smiling now) I didn’t even have to go out on call like this. (Pause) I didn’t… I read your story. I read quickly about you and… I wanted to meet you. Too often there is no connection at all when we have these…meetings. (Picks up his briefcase) You don’t need me. If you have any questions, you can call…or just send an email. Good luck. (Leaves)

We can hear the front door open, a car starting up; it moves off slowly and peacefully.

Man I: Wow. Impressive. (He picks up his cell phone, scrolls through the numbers and begins texting; reads it out loud) “Agent read out the prepared script; needs to make sure not to improvise; advise more training at staff office; should not work in field until situation resolved.” That works. (Puts phone down)

So sad. (Goes back to the computer; moves hand to mouse and begins to click on documents; stops at one point and looks at the door; we hear a very loud click)

Lights out.

The end

*

*

Thank you for reading!

If you liked this, you can add your Insights, Comment, leave a Heart, Tip, Pledge, or Subscribe. I will appreciate any support you have shown for my work.

You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

Give it a look...