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What We Have Learned From Talking About Bill Cosby

"What Do You Think Of When You Think Of Bill Cosby?"

By Coco Jenae`Published 2 years ago 6 min read
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Before I say anything, I want to say something without sugar coating a single thing.

I am sick of talking about Bill Cosby.

I am sick of seeing his face.

I am sick of hearing how he was “America’s Dad” and that the women who have come forward have “tarnished” his name.

I am sick of hearing the horrific details of the horrific things he’s been accused of doing to his victims.

I am just sick, sicker, and even sicker of talking about him.

This all being said, I also know we have to keep the conversation going.

Why?

We need to do everything we can to keep this from happening again. We need to be able to be the adults we’d like to think we are and have these difficult conversations. We need to be able to stand up and say “No. Let’s be better than those who came before us.” What this means is we need to be able to rectify the false notions the many within the older generations still think is okay today. That patting a random girl on the butt is okay. That firing a woman is okay when this woman simply didn’t want to have sex with her boss or didn’t want to be made uncomfortable any longer and demanded it be stopped. For blaming the victim who was raped while unconscious for taking that drink or taking the pill, for wearing that skirt a little too short or showing a little too much cleavage, for blaming these women for not being the nice girls and giving their predator everything they wanted.

We need to be able to tell the older generations “Enough Is Enough”, and do the work to make the changes for the generations to come.

These words have come in response to the excellent Showtime docu-series “We Need to Talk About Bill Cosby” by filmmaker W. Kamau Bell, who in my opinion has put together a very grounded piece of that doesn’t demean the man or just goes on and on while saying nothing at all. Everything that needs to be said is said.

Everything from start to finish is talked about. The start of Cosby’s career in the club scene, then how he slowly geared his image to being the teacher, to being the dad, to being that figure the world thinks they know well, even while behind closed doors hides something more sinister.

Side by side with this biography side of the film is the history of not only sexism in show business and outward, but also about the racism that was taking place at the time Cosby’s career began. All of it paints the image of a man slowing making it easier for him to get away with what he would ultimately do. In my opinion the accomplishments he had in regards for opening the doors for his peers meant nothing to him. All he wanted was the power to do what he wanted and still be loved by everyone for it.

I’m sure everyone and their Grandma is probably already publishing their reviews for this series, which I don’t blame them. There’s a lot to unpack with this series. With this being said, I felt it was important to speak about this film, not just what it means on a grand scale, but what it means for me because I was raped by a neighbor.

Brief history on myself and my own experience:

I was raped by a neighbor in the apartment complex where I was living. I was intoxicated, much from the vodka my attacker provided.

This event doesn’t come to my mind in a cohesive fashion, like a movie. Instead it comes to me in snap shots that are tied with intense feelings.

A figure looming over me. The expanding sensation of pain. Me saying “Stop! Please Stop! I’m on my period!” Him not stopping, instead he continued and completely ignored my pleas and my crying.

Seeing a fallen autumn leaf floating across the top of the lit pool that glowed almost as bright as a full moon.

My hand reaching out to touch this leaf floating by, believing in that state of mind that if I somehow touched it with my finger, all of this would end like a horrible dream.

Of course it didn’t end. It never would no matter how much alcohol I would use to try and drown it.

Watching this docu-series brought back memories and feelings that have laid dormant for a long time. I’ve talked about my rape with people very close to me but in a more clinical way than what’s healthy. Most times it’s easier to just deliver the facts if it comes up and then move on. With watching this series with my significant other holding my hand and rubbing my back as the emotions came flooding in, as I leaned over and wept for the girl I was before that horrible night I was assault. I wept for the girl who died as a result of that horrible act.

I remembered how I was blamed for my own assault by more than one person, many of them being my own family members.

How the manager of the apartment complex where I lived and where I was attacked told me “He pays his rent on time, you don’t. We’re not going to make him leave.”

How the detectives told me “We believe him. His account sounds much more likely.”

How the DA didn’t want to push forward because he felt it wasn’t a case that could be won easily because I was drunk.

In short, being reminded of how small I felt, how little I seemed to matter in what I thought and always would see as the murder of my soul. The murder of the piece of me that trusted people. I was already a pretty broken person by the time my assault happened, so trust me when I say I really didn’t need anything else to accelerate the process or make things worse. That’s what a rapist will do though. Predators like Bill Cosby will hunt for those who look and seem the most broken, the most vulnerable, the ones who are often so naïve they can’t bring themselves to believe what’s right in front of them. They’ll blame themselves because everyone else is blaming though, even though they did nothing wrong.

All of this wasn’t even the hardest part. The hardest part was doing the math.

Sixty women came forward. There are believed to be a number of other victims who haven’t come forward for fear of being attacked by strangers on social media and so on.

This had my partner and I thinking…how many victims are out there?

My partner with his history in the world of law enforcement and is also good with numbers figured it’s likely he attacked at least two hundred and fifty women a year. Times that by the fifty three years of being in show business, and you have a number that’s closer to ten thousand woman all together, with sixty of those women being the ones to step forward. This may seem like an extreme at least until one considers all the traveling he’s done over the years. That’s ten thousand women with their lives shattered from the acts of one man, who had little to no care for what his actions would do to these women.

To answer the question: What do you think when you think of Bill Cosby?

I think of a hypocritical wolf in sheep’s clothing. That is what I will ALWAYS think when I think of Bill Cosby.

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About the Creator

Coco Jenae`

Fiction Writer

Drag Artist

Reader

Film Lover

A Lover

A Pursuer of Wellness

Nomyo ho renge kyo

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