Thursday

It all kicked off when we was walking down to the estate to buy pills. It was early evening like when it’s still light but not dark and I felt really calm and happy and I was thinking about all the girls I was going to shag that night.

Damien was holding all the shopping bags from Co-op. I remember thinking he looked like a cunt. He always looked like a cunt.

He asked if I thought he was a snake.

“No I don’t.”

“Okay.”

We carried on walking and we were walking toward where the Nigerian boy got stabbed, they have a fuck off flag tied to the railings and loads of flowers. I remember thinking if I died that’s what I’d want, proper flowers and that.

“Na, na it’s just coz of what Callum said about me, he said I was-“

“It’s fine, you ain’t a snake.”

That’s what I told him, sir. People don’t even like Damien, he just messes things up, man. We just string him along because in every group there’s always that one thick twat that everyone takes the piss of. Don’t take that the wrong way sir — I did like him, he was an alright lad, we use to have a fag together at the bus stop every morning together at school and he use to say some funny things sometimes. You know what I mean? It weren’t my fault no one else liked him.

They all came round the corner in a big group like they was waiting, I thought they might of been waiting because they wanted to ask us if we had any pills so I didn’t say nothing I just let Damien stand there, looking like a prick.

“So is this where you go then at night you bunch of batty boys?” That’s what Callum said like he was talking to the both of us but he was only staring down Damien.

“We’re going to get pills for tonight, we’re going up to Alex’s house and he’s setting us halves for it.”

“I didn’t ask for your fucking life story, you ginger prick.” Yeah. He definitely called him a ginger prick. You can write that down.

“Sorry.”

I just remember feeling bare uncomfortable, because Callum and the rest were all proper staring and it was just us and a couple of co-op bags. And it’s just, it’s — Damien did actually proper snake them. That’s why they was looking for him. He was a snake. And that’s why they said he got was coming to him.

Callum shoved him, sir. Proper hard. They was all calling him a ginger prick when Callum stabbed him, too. And they proper shouted it when he was kicking his head in. I was just stood there. I was stood there coz I was scared, init.

There was so much blood. I wanted to run but Jack was staring laser beams into my head. They said I had to stand here and watch coz this is what happens to batty boys that grass. And they said I could be next if I snake on them too. I had to stand there and be Callum’s mate, Jack said. Coz sometimes, I would hang out with Jack and Callum and that lot at school. If we was mates at school then we was mates outside of school. And mates don’t walk away from mates. Mates back everything that mates do.

I thought I saw a bit of his brain, sir. Callum shouted at me GO ON THEN FUCK OFF and I dropped my co-op bags and started running. I just ran away like a pussy. I was thinking the whole time whilst I was running about how maybe if I wasn’t such a wuss then maybe I could of told Callum to do one and stop picking on Damien before it had even got bad. Then he’d still be here. He was a really nice lad. And now he’s dead.

But I ain’t cried yet, sir. He was my friend, but I ain’t gonna cry. I ain’t no snake either. Write both them things down.