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The Reality of the DarkWeb

by Cilange about a year ago in investigation
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What I saw Brought me to tears

The Reality of the DarkWeb
Photo by Caspar Camille Rubin on Unsplash

I surfed through the dark web, yes I did! I was curious, can you blame me? or even judge me? Wouldn't you be curious to visit the devil if someone told you that he lives at "247 Palace Street"?

Well, I was, I say was, because I completely regret even thinking about it. I heard stories about how dangerous it is, that everything is illegal, and you never know who is behind the websites. So, before I dived in, I did my research, I understood I had to get some sort of shield to be able to navigate without exposing my identity. So that is what I did, I downloaded Tor internet research tool and selected the safest option on the security level.

My source shared some links that can only be accessed in the dark web, so I did, copied and pasted the links, added .onion and pushed enter. I saw everything, from drugs and guns to contracted killers. Yes, you can actually get someone killed, simple as counting 123 or buying a t-shirt from You only need to provide information about the unfortunate that you want to make disappear. I didn't actually make a "purchase". So, I don't know exactly what information they require. But I can imagine that they would need, a picture, a name and address, common-sense information I guess. Well, I was shocked, to say the least, so, I decided then, not to upset people as you never know who has access to what.

But what really shocked me and brought me to tears was a porn site. Yes, I checked that too. I was aware of child pornography, but one thing is you hearing about it, another is seeing with your own eyes. I didn't click in any of the videos or pictures, but what was showing on the first page was enough for me to decide that I had enough, that this was a bad idea.

The worse thing is that I can imagine what goes through those children's mind because I went through something similar. Although I wasn't videotaped and it wasn't random men, I was abused from an early age, so I know a little of what those kids were/are experiencing. Once I closed the page and the Tor search tool, I sat on my bed crying. I couldn't hold my tears. I wasn't crying for me. I was crying for those kids. I kept closing my eyes and could see their faces behind my eyelids. I was crying because although I saw something wrong and illegal I was powerless, I couldn't do anything to help them, feeling powerless is the worst feeling you can have.

I kept thinking and wonder how the fuck (excuse my french) these men or women get access to children. Is it by kidnapping them? I wouldn't be surprised if a mother who lost her kid goes to those websites and finds the child there. I also think that another way of getting access to kids is by breeding them like dogs which is a shame and inhumane, to say the least. I imagine that a big percentage of the kids there were born in that environment. They were probably being touched by men/women from a very early age. It is heartbreaking to think that kids born into this environment and this way of life, think that this is normal, they don't know any better, they don't know how to be kids, they only know how to be porn stars, and they probably get rewards for doing the job.

I kept thinking if there is a way of stopping this. There should be a way of giving those kids a choice, right? But if there is, wouldn't the police or secret services or whatever famous police authority there is, be in track of stopping those predators by now? Or at least find a way of stoping websites like these from being uploaded?

Well, I don't know, all I know is that I had my 6 months old beside me sound asleep and my 3-year-old in her bed probably dreaming about princesses dresses. Yes, that is all she wants to wear now. At that moment when I looked at them unaware of the danger that lurks outside our home, I promised that I would do anything in my power, to keep them safe.


About the author


In this life, I am a daughter, mother, cousin, sister, and wife.

Life turned out to be pretty good, even though I didn't have the best start.

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