"The Little Black Book of Betrayal"

It was 11pm, I had just laid down on my bed after an exhausting day of work and food preparation. My phone began to ring. I glanced at my cell phone that was placed on my nightstand and saw it was Star calling me again! I was drained from her constant venting about her messy marriage, I needed a break so I deliberately ignore her call. Suddenly, I hear banging on my door, with her voice saying, “Brittney open the door, I need to speak to you now!” I get up from my bed and open the door. Immediately after opening the door I notice the frantic look on her face. Startled I yell out “Star, What is going on?” she quickly enters my apartment and shuts the door. “Brittney, I have just learned of something horrendous; you are the only one I can trust!”

It was autumn of 2005 in New York City. The holiday scenery was in full display. The Macys Thanksgiving parade and its spectators, the family host shopping for forgotten last minute items, getting prepared for their annual feast; along with early Christmas shoppers filling the streets. It was a typical holiday season afternoon in Manhattan but the air suddenly got brisker than usual. I thought about her and the reason she stopped by my apartment last night. The news I would receive later on that day will not only be atypical but will make my soul feel as brisk as the New York City weather that day.

It was Star’s second marriage and Stan’s first. She knew there was another woman, they have been separated for over a year now. Star knew their 15 year age difference will soon take its course and he would start to desire younger women. What she didn’t know was Stan would one day come home and demand a divorce with no explanation! They had been married for five years now and have a four year old son together named Aaron. Why would he want to leave her and his only child without trying to work it out?

Star was a strong, successful and a prideful woman. She never really showed it, but I often wondered how she was really feeling inside. Sure, she displayed slight sorrow and disappointment to me but she always had her guard up. No one really knew the intensity of what she was thinking or feeling. She knew how to mask her emotions well but, I knew that a second failed marriage and three children was innerly destroying her! I knew Having to share the business that she built, with him wasn’t sitting well with her! Not implementing boundaries, wasn’t sitting well with her! It didn’t sit well with me either I was never fond of Stan. He was Inferior to Star, and the way he balanced out the playing field was to make her feel as insecure as possible. He was a 24 year old boy that was just starting to get his dick wet. I was vocal about my feeling about him to her. As a reward for my brutal honesty, our friendship became as limited as possible.

later on that afternoon after having my first helping of turkey, I received a phone call that will forever change my life. I answered while staring out my window, smoking a cigarette and watching the light showers damp the city street. I wished that I was somewhat prepared for what I was about to be told, or had an inkling of how I would feel in her situation. My best friend and confidant, had taken her own life. I dropped my cigarette, while the feeling of numbness confiscated my body, like ice running into my veins and organs; freezing any emotion or empathy that would make me considered as human. After registering what had transpired All I thought to myself was “ how could you Star? why would you do this!”. As I asked myself, I answered, acknowledging how shattered and humiliated she was discovering that her husband was now shacked up with her nineteen year old daughter that had recently birthed him a child. Coincidently, Her daughter Crystal had been accepted to Buffalo State University and moved to a dormitory in August of last year. Turns out she left college in her first semester, Stanley had gotten an apartment for her in Brooklyn, New York and they had been shacking up ever since.

At the funeral I watched in total inner rage as Crystal cried and Stan held both of his sons, who will now openly be brothers instead of uncle and nephew. How can they sit mourning a woman they had no regard for? How could they be so bold to sit and act as if they cared? How could Stan sit there holding Aaron and Nathan in front of his deceased wife, after leaving her for her daughter? He was aware I thought, he knew his infidelity broke her and lead to this demise! I felt enormous disgust for them both.

After the funeral I sat in my living room contemplating how Star could just kill herself. Like I stated before she was an emotionally distant person but for some reason I couldn’t come to terms with her committing suicide. I just couldn’t see it, it wasn’t In her character, and then my eyes met with the leather purse.

It was Star’s bag for sure, high end designer was her motto. It was placed in a way that didn’t catch attention right away, hidden to the plain eye. I opened the purse and seen nothing but green, a large amount of money. It was neatly stacked $100 dollar bills, rubber banned into four bundles totaling to $20,000; at the bottom of the purse there was a key.

I start to analyze our last interaction that thanksgiving eve. Did she leave it by mistake? Than I thought no, that couldn’t be it by the way it was placed that wasn’t an option. Why would she secretly leave this? What was her motive? Did she premeditate her suicide and this was my payout for our friendship?

The key had a number engraved, number 128. Which was the month and day of my birthday. Immediately I knew the purse was purposely left for me, the only thing I had to figure out was the reason. Star and I always visited Las Vegas on my birthday, and stayed in her Vegas apartment. It was a ritual we had established for years. Sometimes we had other friends join other times it was just us. I would stay at Star’s apartment from time to time. Mostly, when I wanted to go to Vegas with my boyfriend for one of our rendezvous weekends. My birthday was about five weeks away. This would be the first time in years, I wouldn’t have Star with me. I knew I wasn’t going to celebrate my birthday this year. I mean, how could I? My grief was far to fresh. I decided to book a flight spontaneously and go to Las Vegas.

Arriving in Las Vegas gave me a sweet and sour feeling. Thinking about all the good times we shared in this city and then coming to the realization that they will now be just memories. I hail a cab and head over to the apartment.

I open my eyes and see the time is 4am, a three hour time deficit from Eastern Time. Always felt my body was on Pacific Time. I would never be up this early if I was in the East Coast. Entering her room felt eerie. I start to look through all her things, which was a lot. Several hours later I discover a black box hidden behind a pair of shoes in the cubicle. The box had a lock and proceeded to use the key she had left me to open it. Eureka! it worked!

The box contained a little black book; in the book was a ledger of numbers and a note. Star had written in detail what the numbers specified, and had proof that Stan was a notorious drug smuggler and distributer for the Mexican cartel. She also confessed her knowledge of money laundering through her business, an escort agency which had 70% cash based revenue. With this new found information I began to convince myself that her suicide was really a homicide. When she came over to my apartment late that night, she told me about Stan’s infidelity with Crystal, but she also confided that she had gotten inside word that he was trying to take over her business.

Was the $20,000 she gave me payment to be the new keeper of this secret?, or was it a trump card she was holding as collateral, to protect herself from the roofless wrath of Stan?

What would I do with this information? Was this my moment to obtain revenge for Star; to provide myself with the satisfaction of serving justice? “ I could get my revenge on them both!, I thought.” If I turn this evidence over to the FBI, he will go to prison for sure. For Crystal it would leave her without the man she stole from her mother, in disarray and in financial hardship. It would also destroy Aaron and Nathan in the process. “it’s not their fault, I pondered to myself”. Was this the reason she left the responsibility up to me, without my consent? I screamed out “Star, Dam you! You Bitch! How could you leave me in this predicament!