Slippery Slope

Penny watched true crime shows not for entertainment, but as research. She would take mental notes of mistakes the murderers made that led to their downfall. It surprised her how murderers would often make obvious mistakes that she planned to avoid. The best ones made the killing look like an accident. Where they would mess up was when they wouldn’t account for one little thing that the police would notice later. Penny believed if she planned carefully, she could finally be rid of her husband.

Bobby had been a mistake since high school, but it took a long time for her to admit it to herself. He was older, popular, athletic, and the best looking boy in her school. All the other girls were jealous. Even her parents seemed to be proud that she was with Bobby. Back then, Penny thought she was in love. They stayed together even when he went to the local community college. What people didn’t realize was that he was incredibly dull.

Bobby was a “good guy.” in almost every sense of the word. Right out of school he had started working as an electrician. Within two years he had opened his own business. Two years later, he added another location. At a very young age he had made himself successful. Bobby was also active in their church and was loved by the community. Everyone always told Penny she was lucky. After being married for six years, Penny didn’t feel lucky. She craved excitement and Bobby wasn’t delivering.

Things briefly got better when they bought a house on Miller’s Pond. It was the location everyone in town coveted and the house was large with direct access to the pond. Miller’s Pond was more like a lake and the view from their home was impressive. The house needed a lot of work, but Bobby did it all, with Penny telling him exactly what she wanted. She was very happy with the house when it was finished. She felt that it was the showplace she deserved. It even made her think more kindly about her husband. After a few months, though, her affection for him had waned and she was back to feeling he was only a hindrance to her.

Penny considered a divorce, but that really had no appeal. She knew the best she would do is get half of what they had, and that didn’t seem fair to her. Bobby always said that everything he did and everything he acquired was for her. She assumed he said that to be romantic, but Penny was more pragmatic. If they were gifts, she should be allowed to keep them, all of them. Divorce was not an option, so she got to work planning Bobby’s murder.

Right away she eliminated poison or a blow to the head. For some reason people thought those were good options for a fake accident, but they always got caught. They would hit someone with a baseball bat and then claim the victim fell. Then the coroner would find traces of the Louisville Slugger in the victim’s scalp and the killer got life in prison. Poison was just as bad. The coroner would always figure it out, even if the killer claimed it was an accidental poisoning. The best faked accidents were the kind that barely even involved the killer.

The method Penny chose was presented to her almost like a gift. On Thursday nights, Bobby would play poker with his friends. He often drank too much, but drove home anyway. The driveway from the street to their house was quite steep and it led directly to Miller’s Pond. On this particular Thursday, Bobby was driving his pickup too fast as he came down the driveway. He slammed on the brakes and managed to stop just at the edge of the frozen pond. If he had been going just a little faster, his truck would have ended up on the iced up surface of the pond.

When Bobby told Penny what had happened he noticed her visible reaction. He thought it was concern for him, but what she felt was excitement. He had just handed her the method of his own demise. All she needed to do was figure out how to recreate the circumstances and make sure his truck went just a bit farther.

Penny studied the footage from their doorbell camera. She saw that Bobby’s truck had hit a tiny patch of black ice on the driveway. It was small enough that Bobby was able to regain control, but just barely. Penny realized that if the ice patch had been even a little bit bigger, the truck would have gone right out on the ice, and possibly to the bottom of the pond.

The ice on Miller’s Pond could be pretty thick, so Penny worried that it might not break, even with the weight of the pickup truck. She decided to investigate. She looked at the driveway and determined that she should be able to make it adequately icy with just a few buckets of water. Then she checked the pond ice. As she feared, it was pretty thick. On the night of the “accident”. It would be necessary for her to crack the ice in the area where the truck would end up. She estimated that even a few cracks would be enough. The weight of the truck would do the rest.

If for some reason Bobby didn’t end up in the lake, she needed to have an explanation for anything that might look incriminating. She considered her plan and thought the only problem might be cracking the ice. If she chipped at the ice to make cracks, that might raise some questions. She thought for a while and came up with a solution. If she were to use hot water to thin out the ice, it would accomplish the same thing without leaving evidence. Even if he survived, Bobby would never notice a difference in the ice.

Penny also tried to look at the murder the way an investigator would. She had been careful not to do any internet searches. So many times killers were caught because they Googled something like, “Best way to murder your wife.” She also had made it a point to be extremely nice to Bobby for over a month. If authorities questioned his friends, they would say how happy Bobby was and what a great relationship they had. She also casually told her parents and friends how great everything was. No one would ever be able to find a reason that she wanted Bobby dead.

The only thing she would have to eliminate was the video from the doorbell. It was vital that after she iced up the driveway and melted the pond’s surface, she delete that footage. The doorbell only recorded when there was motion, so she would just need to find the video of herself running back and forth with buckets of water. Once those were gone, she would be in the clear.

The next Thursday night Bobby called as usual when he was leaving work. Penny was extra nice to him. He told her he would be home by 11:00. The weather forecast was perfect. Temperatures were expected to drop to single digits by nightfall with blustery winds. At 9:30 pm, Penny set her plan into motion.

She filled a large bucket in the garage sink. She threw the first bucket out on the driveway and was pleased to see how quickly it iced up. She threw three more buckets of water before she was satisfied that she had created a large enough ice slick to send Bobby down to the pond. She then filled the bucket with hot tap water, grabbed a flashlight and carefully made her way down to the frozen pond. She poured out the bucket and heard the ice cracking, but when she examined it, she wasn’t confident it was enough. She hurried back to the house.

She took two big pots and started boiling water. She was annoyed because this was not according to plan. It was after 10 pm when the water reached a boil. She slowly poured the water into her bucket and made her way out to the pond again. The steam from the bucket trailed behind her as she walked.

Penny moved very slowly to the spot she had found before. She put down the flashlight and with both hands started to empty the bucket. For a second she was almost giddy as she heard the ice start to crack, but then she lost her balance. The water all spilled in front of her as she fell forward right on top of it. As she landed, her face was scalded by the hot water. Before she could even scream, the water all started to freeze. Penny tried to scramble to her feet but she just slipped again. Her torso froze to the surface, and the side of her face was also stuck. She tried to push herself up, but her wet sleeves were now frozen in place. It was hard to breathe and the pain on her face was intense. She couldn’t get enough air to scream. Her only hope was that Bobby would come home in time to save her.

As he turned into his driveway, Bobby stopped well short of the property edge. He did not want a repeat of the previous week. When he got out, he had to catch his balance. Parts of the driveway were surprisingly icy. The garage door was open, so he went in that way. He noticed that Penny’s car was there.

Bobby entered the kitchen and found two large pots on the stove. He called out to his wife but got no answer. He decided to check the doorbell camera to see if Penny had gone somewhere. There were several clips of Penny throwing water on the driveway. Then he saw her walking down to the pond with a bucket two times. The second time, steam was coming from the bucket. There were no other videos until he saw himself getting home. Whatever she was up to, Penny was still down by the frozen pond.

Bobby found Penny lying face down on the ice, a bucket and flashlight a few feet away. He knelt down to see if she was ok and found that she was barely breathing and completely stuck. He shook her and she opened her eyes. “Bobby!,” she said in a slurred voice. “Help me!”

“What are you doing out here?” he asked.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you. Please help me!”

“What do you mean kill me?” Bobby asked.

“It was a mistake. I’m so cold! Why can’t I move?” she said. Penny was delirious.

Bobby stood up. He surveyed the scene and realized she had iced the driveway hoping he’d end up in the pond. He shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know if you can hear me anymore, but I assume you found out I haven’t really been playing poker on Thursdays. I’m sorry about that, but you could have just asked for a divorce. Don’t worry, I’ll call for help.” He called 911 and told them to hurry. They freed Penny from the ice and rushed her to the hospital. He showed two police officers the video of his wife icing up the driveway. They shook their heads when they realized Penny was trying to melt the thick ice with hot water.

A year later, a true crime show did a story about the “Killer Wife Who Slipped Up.” They interviewed Bobby and his new wife. The re-enactment featured an actress comically falling on the ice and getting stuck. Fans of the show agreed that Penny was one of the dumbest failed killers they’d ever seen. From her prison cell, Penny heard other inmates laughing as they watched the show. Penny covered her ears and buried her scarred face in a pillow.