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Shots fired...

A twisted tale of violence

By Steven MawyerPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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Senseless violence erupts every minute of every day across the globe. (google image)

The crew 38 Confederate Hammerskins is one of the worlds most violent, feared, and hated criminal organizations. I joined Crew 38 in the year 2007. When I entered the organization I was young and filled with unnecessary rage, hellbent on my own destruction. I felt attracted to the organization because of the destruction and chaos I witnessed the members savor daily. A level 4-5 prison in Virginia is classified as a "Major Compound", or, more commonly referred to as maximum security. I spent the better part of a decade in many cages. A monster behind iron bars and doors. Guards man the birds nests armed with high powered rifles, pistols, and shotguns poised high for all of us cons to see. They never missed the battle flags and bald heads, let alone the enormous population of the Blood and Crip gangs. Surenos, Latin Kings, Gangster Disciple, Dead Man Incorporated, and more gangs controlled the yard.

Crew 38 Battle Flag/Patch (google image)

The guards never had control unless it was the goon squad force responding to violent attacks and riots. It was almost mind-blowing how many skinheads walked the yard. The Confederate Hammerskins very name made the other offenders respect anyone bearing the patches, no matter how much they had despised "us". I do not claim it today, so if I say "us", that is why. In time, I learned quickly how false we really were. But, that didn't matter. "We" ran things simply by numbers, force, and the amount of drugs "we" flooded the prison . If anyone angered the skinheads, the drug supply would "run out", in order to prove points to those that bucked up. If cutting off the drug supply didn't have effect, violence reigned supreme in it's place every time. But, nobody was following any sort of Honor code, ethical behavior, or even half-decent behavior.

The biggest lie (google image)

When I made the decision to step away and stand against hate, I made the best decision of my life. I walked away from prison and gang life. I have married. I am on the Deans list in multiple classes in my Bachelors for Business and Entrepreneurship course plan in college. I have beautiful step children and also kids I wish to reunite with soon since making the step towards bettering myself. And it feels incredible. To live right, and do right. Work hard and take care of my family. I never did that as a gang member. I alienated my entire family and every friend. I gave up on everyone and even life. I blamed all my faults and hardships on everyone but me, and I consoled my anger and rage through crime and violence. I lost everything every time I went to jail or prison. I became a hateful monster, fueled by the fear instilled by my actions.

My actions catch up with me (google image)

I used to think violent acts would make people respect me. Of course, it didn't and I never made the connection that I would never be respected unless I learned to respect myself. But, I hid behind drugs and alcohol and let that influence even worse behaviors. I looked at myself long and hard in the mirror one day covered in another's blood. My knuckles were all broken and split open badly. That was the only blood of mine on my entire body. And the sight sickened me. I was not that monster. I was not a violent man. I was a very emotionally disturbed man and it required a lot of medications and therapy combined. For several years I attended D.B.T. Therapy. The most diabolical form of therapy there is. Yet, it seemed to only rip off scabs of wounds I never wanted re-opened. And I spun out of control.

Like this above photo of the Berlin wall, I had walls to break down. (google image)

It took a very long time and a long hard road through hell before I realized I had many walls within to break down. The first, was to turn my back on a organization I had zero parts of. An organization that time and time again, proved to be as false as the patches I wore on my body. They say, "Everything ain't for everyone." and man, that sure is true. Some people may very well be able to thrive on crime and violence, but, me? No, it is not in me to hurt people for zero reason. I have done it time and time again, and I refused to ever take part in physically harming anyone ever again. I have literally walked away from situations since, that I should have knocked somebody out, but, I haven't. Many times over now. There is more to life than hate, violence, and even rage. And I had battled back and forth with my decision, but, in time, I realized I was over spending time in cages and with people that couldn't have given me any less care in the world.

Shocking and sad. (google image)

So, I stepped back from the picture. When I caught myself glorifying horrible memories, I would stare at prison photos of myself to remind myself what the real outcome was every time. One day I was a 24 year old thug, the next, a 37 year old convict with nothing to my name and nobody that gave two thoughts about me. My record was shot, my credit was non-existent, and I had to start from the bottom all over again. It was o.k. once or twice, but, after 15-20 long-term incarcerations, you start to get old real fast. And I opened my eyes and saw it was not 1860 anymore. It was 2017, and I realized hate was pointless. We as a whole, have way too much at stake to waste time hating senselessly. I also realized I did not "Hate" anyone but what I had become. Color doesn't matter to me, and it never has. It does not make a difference what color we are, we all bleed the same color. And, we all stand in the same fight everyday these days.

(google image)

We all have Covid-19 to worry about. We have to face realities that our economy may very well crash if conditions don't change. Who knows what is to come and how long Covid-19 will threaten us and our economies. Hate seems to be pointless with so much at stake. There are much, much more pressing concerns that should have all of our focus. Every man and woman, no matter the race or sexual orientation, or religion, all serve a purpose and our place in society. This is the time now, more than ever, that we should let our differences go and unite, to secure the existence all of our futures on earth, not only the Aryans as their 14 Aryan words state. We all stand to lose our lives at any moment. Covid-19 is not racist. And we can only overcome something that serious through unity. And if we can unite to live through a global pandemic, then why can't hate just be left dead?

(google image) Represents Unity

My hat is off to everyone already overlooking differences and uniting through trying times. But, why should it take a global pandemic to set aside something we can live without anyway? Why should potential global death cease hate and wars only? I only see crime and Covid-19 deaths on the news. War is probably coming as a result of all the Covid-19 drama anyway, but, it is absolutely pointless for anyone to war during a global pandemic. Besides, social distancing laws wouldn't allow it. (Haha) I only hope others that claim the gang life, and even the criminal life, just wake up and see how desperate our world needs to stand together to survive anything coming our way. Crime, and hate is costing communities much needed money. We all need to pull our heads out of the sand and stand together. If not, obviously we won't have to worry about it much longer as we are destroying humanity and our earth. We owe better of ourselves and to ourselves. The earth deserves better. Thank you for reading. Be kind to one another, and never be afraid to have compassion and lend a hand. Stand together!

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