My Fairytale Murder - Hometowns

A few years ago I was recording a fairy tale podcast with my friend, both of us inspired by our favorite podcast, My Favorite Murder. Ever since the beginning we wanted to do an homage episode with My Fairy Tale Murder. We each picked a fairy tale that featured a murder and covered the story in a similar fashion to the way that Karen and Georgia cover a true crime each week. Part of the episodes in the first couple years of MFM was reading home town murders that were written in by listeners. For our homage episode, I imagined what it would be like if some of our favorite fairy tale heroines & heroes wrote in their own home town murders...

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Hello Ladies!

The craziest thing happened in my hometown to a friend of mine growing up, let’s call her Red. Red had a really cool grandmother that lived out in the forest away from our busy village-town. Red and I would go visit her to get the best gingerbread cookies you’ve ever eaten in your life. On the way up we would make lots of spooky noises trying to scare each other, like the punk kids we were. One day Red was going to visit her Gran with some spiced wine and cookies her mom had made. I was bummed because I had to stay at home and work on a bunch of house cleaning my step mother insisted had to be done that day, no sweets for me! Red went up on her own but this time when she got to her Gran’s house the door was ajar and when she went in there were red splotches in places. Red just figured her gran was painting and had spilled a bit. It looked like her grandmother was sleeping in bed still but Red noticed that her Gran looked a bit odd and had grown some whiskers. A WOLF HAD BROKEN INTO GRAN’S HOUSE AND WAS HIDING IN HER BED FOR RED TO GET THERE!!! The wolf had attacked Gran who had crawled into the closet and shut the door tight. Red ran out of the house with the wolf chasing her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to outrun him and gran’s handyman had left an axe by the porch. Red grabbed it and swung it right at the wolf’s head. I don’t want to get too graphic but the wolf didn’t make it. It turns out that the wolf was actually Gran’s handyman! He was a shapeshifter wanted for similar murders in other counties! Fortunately, Red and her grandmother stayed sexy, didn’t get murdered and lived awesomely ever after.

Yours Truly,

Cindy

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Hi Ladies and Assorted Pets,

Just had to tell you about the murder that shook our town, literally. I went to college in the archaically named “Giantsburg”, is known for this enormous beanstalk. It had appeared about a few years before I went to school and no one was sure where it came from although a few full hearty adventure seekers had tried to scale it. Fast forward a couple years to when I was in school and all the girls had the hots for the popular young economics professor, Jack Schuster. Yes, that Jack. He was one of the first adventurers to climb the beanstalk and his best sellers “Giant in the Sky” and “Beans and Cents” made him the local hero until the vertically and creatively gifted, Benek Engel, fell (or was pushed?) from the sky. His landing caused a small earthquake that took everyone by surprise, to say the least. Ever since the realization that there were actually giants living on the beanstalk and that Jack may have had something to do with the death of one the town is still split as to whether or not Jack is guilty of murder. Jack claimed that his silent partner and ghost writer was depressed and suicidal but Benek’s wife insisted that Jack and Benek argued constantly about how Jack was stealing from them. The investigation is still open while Jack is serving time on fraud charges causing many a heartbreak amongst the student population. Hope you all enjoyed the story!

Hansel Becker

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Salutations!

My hometown is the setting of a vintage murder, the Unsolved Case of Humpty Dumpty! Humpty Dumpty was found on the main street bridge in pieces and surrounded by goose feathers, as the legend goes, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put him back together again. Known to be a regular at The Cat & Fiddle Tavern, Humpty’s death might have been chalked up to a tragic accident if the King’s men hadn’t found a bent spatula covered in egg on the river bank not far from the bridge. Over the next few years on the anniversary of Humpty’s murder a cryptic messages referring to the case popped up around the town. One year after the message “Those who sit on walls will have great falls” was painted on the side of the bridge and another year a message in the daily paper read “Little boy blue, Come blow your horn, for good ol’ Humpty, who is still gone”. (Rhyming was not this criminal’s strong suit.) Eventually the messages stopped, just as suddenly as they’d appeared. To this day no one really knows who did Humpty Dumpty in although the theories speculated range from a possible gambling dispute, a crime of passion or even a one night stand by a roaming cereal killer. If you’re ever in town during Halloween you’ll see Humpty Dumpty portrayed in our town’s festivities, goose feathers are thrown from baskets and you’re sure to see at least one black cloaked figure wandering around with a sinister spatula!

SSDGM and Live Awesomely Ever After!

M. Goose