Memoirs of violence

A lot of people ask me, "What made you hate?". That is easy, nothing. I do not hate. I never did. Sure, I was filled with hate. I had a very traumatic childhood. A very troubling adolescence, and an even harder time as a young adult. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and for the longest time, it was not treated, nor diagnosed. So, my rage and hate was false. But, I never intentionally set out to join a hate movement. The only reason I even accepted the oath, was that the recruiter swore it was not a "Hate based movement." Which it clearly is, and always was. And at my young, and hostile age I collapsed, and ranked up.

Then I will be asked, "Why stay in so long?" I don't know. I personally despised most actions and disagreed with the tweaked out decisions of idiots. And in most physical confrontations, for me, it was another Confederate Hammerskin I was fighting. Unusual behavior for a "brotherhood". But, that is just it, it is all false. Lie after lie told, only to enlist another idiot in the process. And after I got out of prison, I wanted nothing to do with it. I have literally driven state to state to find somewhere it doesn't exist. Sadly, I find nowhere. I see it in country towns. I see it in cities. It even takes place at rest stops and heavily traveled tourist areas.

When I realized the crimes crept into territories much bigger than me, I backed away. Or in some cases, simply, turned my back. I became disgusted to learn of the organization I blindly joined represented so much evil. Human Trafficking, Methamphetamine distribution and manufacturing, Arms dealing, robberies, murders. It really got to the point that I had to make it right. I had to inform people and be a voice in breaking the walls down to these crimes, organizations, and the implication that it is okay to even behave in those manners. What is my voice? Nothing. Just experience, and deep concern. I never implied it was right for me to be involved in something so evil. It wasn't. Which is exactly why I can comfortably speak of my involvement in hopes people can avoid the crimes and behaviors altogether.

I do not expect my voice to erase a life of crime. But I will say I lost more than my freedom here folks. I have lost my kids, my rights, my very name is marred from years of stupidity and ignorance. I have lost everything, and had to re-build from the ground up. Gang involvement never once paid my bills. Nor can I say I ever witnessed a "Brother" prospering financially. It was always a personally motivated event. Usually anger at someone for some reason or another. And crimes I personally witnessed others commit were 9 out of 10 times motivated by the idea meth was at the end of their rainbow for their part. And we coddle the gang members like babies. I have personally seen officers a bit too friendly with inmates, always gang members. Like babying them and being on a first name basis will prevent their next crime, genius.

I have released my book on Kindle and Amazon.com. Memoirs of violence; Breaking the walls down, by P. Wood. This is sort of my pre-release self-interview. And my opinion. Yes, I discuss crimes from murder, to home-invasion. I, in no way, glorify these moments. I admit my roles so folks in society have a chance to see the types of behaviors to be watchful of. And to be diligent in calling Law enforcement. I cannot pretend my crimes never took place. But I can say I am not the man I was pretending to be. The swastika on my chest is meaningless. As my best friend Japelle would guarantee you. The marks on my body mean nothing. The stories I have to share are a once upon a time tale I am only glad I get to tell, instead of live. I have a family, friends, a college career, and mainly, above everything, ties I can happily say are long ago severed.

I realized long ago, watching caskets fill around me, to respect my place in life. And that was not as a gang member. Or some violent thug for hire. I knew I was meant for more. I had to. I could not just be that unlucky type that was dealt a bad hand in life altogether. My childhood sucked, but, it is what it is, I am an adult now. And I have been an adult for 20 years. It was time I accepted myself and moved past my chaotic life. I have the markings, the record, and the stories, and that is enough for me. I hope my degree will allow me to be a important voice in the Anti-gang movement and community but, we shall see. I can admit this, no matter what happened in my past, it was inexcusable to ever allow that to be a motive for my life of crime. To those I have hurt, that love me, and that resent me, I apologize so very much.

It is different walking down the street with a different perspective though. I personally was dressed in normal casual wear, walking in downtown Spokane, and grabbed by some random idiot flashing gang colors. Granite, I am still not the one for that, so I usually respond with a straight jab they won't soon forget. I am 100%, Don't tread on me, or I will kick your teeth in. But, in the good American sense we should all have deeply instilled in us. Would it have been different if my shirt were off and they saw all the gang markings and White Supremacist tattoos? A big, fat, resounding NO. It doesn't matter. Civilian, gang member, cop, kid, lawyer, anyone and everyone is all a target. What is the one thing always present? Some crazy, tweaked out idiot on a power trip needing your cash for dope. Period. The colors don't matter, age, sex, nothing. Your loss is their gain period.

Why do we turn and walk the other way when we see a large group of thugs blocking our destination? We shouldn't. But, by doing so, it leaves the impression we cowered to them. Some idiot walks away with some God like power-trip that decides, "Based on my performance, I will upgrade my crimes." We get the shaft as society every time. Take back our towns and our cities. Is anyone else tired of seeing graffiti litter the city-scape? Even a farm silo in the middle of fields is often times victim to gang graffiti and vandalism. I personally am sick of it. And being from the opposite side3 of the fence I can tell you personally that 70 percent of gang members are cowards and will run at the thought of confrontation or the law responding to it. Blue lights emerge and the constant stays the same, they scatter like cockroaches.

I was a thorn in several communities sides for years. I was a dangerous criminal, because in most cases, I had some idiotic point to prove and the fear generated from my behaviors would give me this false sense of satisfaction. An adrenaline rush so to speak. So, I was very tactical in my crimes, and in most cases, wouldn't have been charged if I hadn't been honest and told them my roles in what crimes they asked about. Most detectives would leave stumped wondering, "Why did he tell on himself?" Simple, I either made my point, or I was ordered to commit crimes in which case, I would plead guilty, and accept the punishment. That does not mean for one second that I was ever proud of my roles in crimes. By nature, I am a peace-loving hippy. I believe the world would do better if we all adapted some compassion. I think the government is doing all they can for piss-poor conditions, And I am pro-marijuana and global legalization.

At least I stay true to what I am now. For a time, I was concerned even of myself. I was afraid of myself and who I had become. And in time I naturally let my fists fall to my sides and stopped fighting for nothing. I walked away from hate and the organization altogether. With some very horrible secrets and memories. I hope now to only inspire and move past a life of crime and violence. If you are facing a choice to join a gang, please, realize your true worth now before you make that step. I don't care how poor you are or how you live, you can always rise above that. Think of the real you now. And think hard of your future and your family. Now, imagine all that ripped apart by gunfire. That is all your heading for. You will never stop running. Realize your potential is real and you are better. Walk away. Thank you