Love that Dies

Jim was someone that some called meek even though deep down inside his soul he was a strong willed young man in his twenties. He was still finding himself in the world, uncertain of his worth, filled with self doubt while being above average in many respects. Jim had his problems like anyone else. He struggled with acceptance in the world, mostly because he struggled to accept himself, as many of us are guilty of doing. Jim was also unsure of his sexuality and had begun a few years ago to believe that he might be gay, even though he never put a label on his sexuality the way the world around him insisted on doing. Jim’s worst day came quite out of the blue.

Jim had taken up with a young man named Andy. Andy was not perfect, nowhere near being above average in most respects and already putting on chub weight and losing his hair. He was very much a class B personality type, never taking life all that seriously and not caring much for his own well being or that of anyone else. Jim, however, believed he found someone he could love as the two shared an emotional and even spiritual connection. They could talk about anything, be open with one another about their thoughts and fears and even though Andy was slightly domineering, even a bully at times, Jim overlooked his shortcoming because they shared a connection.

The two enjoyed a great sex life. It was warm and caring. Andy’s touch would drive Jim wild, often getting him into a frenzied orgasmic state he had not found with women. To Jim, when they were together, it really felt like the entire world around them ceased to exist and time would come to a stop. Perhaps it was because the slightly domineering Andy was someone effeminate the way he approached his life and even the way he handled Jim. Perhaps it was because Andy accepted him as he was, not out as a gay or bisexual, just enjoying his life for the first time and doing it with someone he cared for.

Jim’s worst day would take him by surprise and reveal a part of himself that he did not know existed. It all started after a wonderful day together. Jim and Andy had gone to dinner and a movie. They stopped at their favorite bar near Andy’s and had enjoyed drinks and several games of pool, Jim beating Andy nearly every time. The night had grown late and Jim fell asleep almost immediately after getting home and the two men getting into bed together. As they were sleeping, Jim began to dream he was suffering and started to thrash around in his sleep, finding himself trapped in his nightmare. His body was crying out in pain, even as he struggled to wake up from the mix of too many drinks and his slumber. He felt like he was being stabbed, over and over, his body being bludgeoned by some sharp instrument tearing at his flesh. Tears ran from his eyes. The shock, and pain of his situation, initially too much to bear. As he experience what felt like a blade slicing him from the inside out, leaving tiny, pain filled cuts, his agony becoming too much for him to take...Jim woke up.

To his heartbreak, Andy was raping him, his over sized cock shoving in and out of Jim’s ass repeatedly and with abandon. Andy was fucking Jim, fucking him hard, vigorously and with a careless abandon and lack of concern for what he was doing to his friend and lover. He had not asked, had not hinted at wanting to fool around, made no passes at Jim. He was simply raping him for fun. That strong connection they shared was gone as Jim realized, turning his head back and seeing the disgusting look on his lovers face, Andy knew he was hurting Jim. He simply didn’t seem to care.

“Get the fuck off of me!” screamed Jim, only to have his face shoved back into his pillow.

Jim’s heart broke. Andy knew what he was doing to him and Jim realized that as much as he thought he meant to Andy, as much as their closeness, their friendship, the affections for one another meant to him, Andy was now hurting him in a way Jim never fathomed. Part of him wanted to let Andy finish him off, to smother the life from him as he forced Jim’s face down into the pillow, keeping him from getting any air as he continued his assault on Jim’s rectum. Every bone in Jim’s body was scared. He felt like some monster invaded his life, attacking him with one goal, to inflict this sadistic form of pain on another person.

The shock gave way to the reality that he was dying. The fear gave way, being replaced by panic and anger. Jim’s arms were still weak, much weaker than normal. He struggled to move, trying to push himself upwards, to push his attacker off of him. In that moment of fear, Jim released his bowels, giving way to feeling more below the waist, more control of his legs. The rancid smell of shit mixed with sweat attacked his attackers senses, causing Andy to roll off of Jim, ceasing his assault. As Andy rolled off, he pulled Jim onto his back and yelled at him.

“What the fuck did you do that for?”

Jim couldn’t move well, his body still aching from his assault. He struggled to find words, the fear and heartache confusing him as he looked into the face of his assailant, someone he loved. His eyes felt like they were swollen already, from all the crying. Then, Andy slapped him hard across the face. His slaps were not to be the end of the attack as his open hands balled up and he began punching him in the face.

“Get off me!” Jim screamed, reaching for Andy’s hands.

Jim felt like his eyes was bleeding as his eye lid began to swell from being punched several times. Andy was screaming, violently screaming at Jim, leaving poor Jim to fear he was about to die. Jim finally punched Andy, striking him hard in the chin and pushing him back.

Andy seemed shocked but the hit to the chin gave Jim enough time and space to move. Jim forced himself to his feet, his own shit running down the back of his legs, mixed with blood and semen. His tempered anger began to grow, his hands shook and Jim started to see Andy as the enemy, as someone he hated for what had just happened. With one kick, striking the side of Andy’s face, Jim laid Andy out, nearly unconscious.

Jim straddled Andy, the two men still in a state of undress, pinning him to the ground. Jim, being the stronger of the two, began to punch Andy repeatedly in the face and torso, some of his fevered punches going off target. Jim saw red, the world stopped and time stood still. After what was done to him he was starting to enjoy inflicting pain on the man that attacked him, that broke his heart, that raped his body. Then Jim wrapped his hands around Andy’s throat. He saw only rage! He felt only anger! As he squeezed, tighter and tighter, Andy’s attempts at resistance began to wain into nothingness. His attempts at breaking from from Jim, striking weakly at his face, pulling at his arms, all fruitless. Andy’s breathing became more labored and Jim reveled in hearing the struggled breaths becoming fewer and farther between. The madness had taken hold and all Jim knew was that he wanted this, he needed this, and this need was a more instinctive need than anything he had ever experienced in his life. Jim felt the desire growing inside him as Andy’s attempts to stop him faded into nothingness, as Andy faded into nothingness. Then, it all stopped.

The madness stopped, sadness overwhelmed him, mixed with a feeling of peacefulness. Peacefulness felt like it flowed through him slowly, carving a path through sadness, a path that would take as long as a stream or river to carve a canyon in what was now his stone heart.

As for Andy, he was nothing now, just simply a dead thing, laying on the ground surrounded by their mess. The same of Jim’s hands were etched into Andy’s neck. Jim wasn’t the type and nobody in the world would imagined he could kill someone, could take a human life, much less with his own bare hands. Jim cried, struggling to handle the mixture of emotions he felt. He was sad, as he felt the loss of a loved one. He believed that he loved Andy, that Andy may be his soul mate. On the other hand, he felt the peace of knowing that the monster was gone, that he could never again hurt him that way. Jim was at peace knowing that the feeling inside him was part of himself had died, had been killed by Andy, perhaps even the best part of him.

Jim considered calling the police. He could tell them the truth, that it was Andy’s fault. Why though? Why ruin his own life, out himself to the public, over this? Why face all the criticism and judgment? A crime had been committed and a punishment had been delved out, an appropriate one by his standards, even before he was a victim. Nobody was going to miss the predator. Andy had no family and Jim was his only true friend. Jim needed to figure out his next move, but first he needed to clean himself up.

Jim stood in the shower, steam filling the room around him, hiding the remnants of waist coming off his body as they were washed into the drain. He thought long and hard, of what to do, standing in the shower until the water turned from nearly scalding temperatures to cold enough he couldn’t stand it any longer. Eventually, Jim found clothes to put on, his body still aching as he moved through Andy’s apartment. After putting on a black jacket, blue jeans, and a black v-neck tee-shirt, Jim found some old tennis shoes that he could get into. Then he went to the kitchen. There were rubber dish gloves in the sink that he could use to protect his hands. He needed to wipe away any evidence that he had ever been in Andy’s apartment.

Once Jim had gloves on, he moved the bed in Andy’s room and rolled Andy’s body onto the area rug. It was large enough he could roll the portly Andy up and tape off the ends. Jim felt some sense of shame but it was a shame that he decided to carry with him. As he bounced the body of his former lover off the sides of the walls, carrying his carpet wrapped corpse out to the garage, Jim chuckled.

“It’s serves you right, you son of a bitch.”

Jim got the body out to the truck in the garage and threw it into the bed. He laid a couple of spare tires over the body, making sure it wouldn’t jump around. There was a hat in the cabin. He wasn’t as much of a hat guy as Andy but he put the hat on as he rolled the truck out of the garage, the engine quietly purring. If anyone saw him, they’d think it was Andy going out on one of his late night escapades. Jim made sure not to make eye contact and once he got to the street stayed focus on getting out of the neighborhood as quickly as possible. Just before midnight and he had an hour drive to get to Taylorville Lake. This was the place that would serve as Andy’s final resting spot. It was a beautiful place, somewhere that they’d visited before and someplace that Jim would never come to again, so it would serve him well.

Jim arrived at the boat ramp area. It was nearly one in the morning. He picked the body up out of the truck and walked down to the dock, setting Andy down. Then it struck him, how was he going to dispose of the body? He had no expertise in body dumping but knew he couldn’t just push him in. Looking around, there were several large bricks near a couple of construction vehicles. They were obviously there to do work on the new boathouse. Fortunately, a couple of bricks might go unnoticed.

Jim brought back a brick. He unrolled the body enough to see Andy’s face. In every movie ever, dental records would tell the coroners who the person was, so Jim had an idea. He took the brick up and brought it down with all his might. There was a slight splashing sound as he splattered Andy’s face with the fifty pound brick. The lower half of his face nearly shattered. Andy struck his skull several times, nearly flattening his head as gray matter mushed out of the fractures. His arms tired, Jim reached into the mess, feeling for his jaw bones. They’d both been successfully separated from the rest of his skull. His teeth were all over the place. Andy picked them up at pitched them one at a time, throwing them into the water, imagining the small scavenger fish would consume them if they didn’t just lodge into the murky, mud and sand covered bottom of the lake.

At the construction area, Jim found a tool box that was easy to pry open. He also found a hacksaw. Jim used the hacksaw to take off Andy’s hands and feet. He separated his fingers from his hands, then threw his remains in multiple places along the edge of the lake, throwing them all as far into the lake as he could muster the strength to throw. Now, what to do, what to do, thought Jim.

Jim had taken all of Andy’s most identifiable parts and fed the fish with them, he just needed to get rid of the rest of his body. He knew the waters and he knew, along the north side of the boat ramp, there was a forty foot drop in the waters. He could easily roll Andy’s body into the water and it would drop to the bottom before sunrise. So, he picked up the body and walked it to the north side. Setting his headless, hand less and feet less body at the top of the ravine, he gave it one final kick as he pushed it down the hill, listening for the splash. Jim came back minutes later, after getting a flash light from his truck. The carpet wrapped and taped body had sunken as he expected. It would hit the drop off point and roll its’ way to the bottom of the lake, forever wrapped in the carpet that would no doubt draw in fish hooks and lures long after Andy’s rotted flesh wore off his skeletal remains. Other than cleaning up the apartment, Jim had done what he set out to do.

After two thirty, Jim finally made it back to Andy’s. He’d had a lot of time to think, developing justifications for his action. Had anyone else been raped by Andy? Was this going to protect others? Probably, he accepted as likely the truth. There was far too much forensics at his apartment. Jim had one problem, a problem that he was coming up with a solution for while he returned. Andy, for all the things Jim thought he saw in him, was capable of dark acts. He had enemies and people he owed. As Jim stood in the rancid apartment, taking one look around, he realized what he needed to do.

Jim went out to the garage. He found what he needed in the tools and on the work bench. Andy was an avid fireworks fan and had plenty of fuse and det cord laying around. There was two ten gallon canisters of gas in the garage. Jim spent twenty minutes, a rag over his face, as he soaked the entire apartment in gasoline. He needed to delay the blaze until he was far enough away. So he took an aerosol can and set the microwave by the front door. Sure, the arson investigator would know it was arson, but if he wasn’t in the apartment, there were no bodies and Andy just suddenly doesn’t come in to work, it would look like he burned down his own place.

Jim went over to Andy’s computer. He typed in a search engine, opening up a chat in a seedy chat room. He immediately got a message and responded.

Andy: No, I don’t have anything I can send you but I was kind of looking for some if anybody wants to share.

BooBoo420: Age you prefer.

Andy: The younger the better baby.

BooBoo420: Sure, I’ll hook you up.

Second passed and some disgusting images began popping up. Andy, once the police and arson investigators looked at his web use, would see he had a reason to disappear. Jim walked over to the doorway, took a look back at the place he’d spent so much time at, remembering when they were good times. Reaching down, he pressed the start button on the microwave and ran out to the garage, pulling away in Andy’s truck.

It wold be hours before anybody was really looking for Andy. Jim could dump the truck anywhere. He thought about taking a drive, he had a few days off at work so he could literally make it to Texas. He could dump the truck there and fly back. Sure, at some point he’d get asked about Andy, if he’d seen him lately. By then, Andy would be just a memory, one that Jim would not forget.