Just Another Interview

Pardon the interruption but – and I don’t mean to be rude – I have to be going soon. If this is going to take a long time I could leave you with my number and I’d be happy to get in touch with you later. You understand, I'm sure.

[Question]

Oh, well, I have a bus to catch so as I've said I need to be out of here shortly but do not worry - I’ll answer each and every one of your questions, I assure you, we'll just need to keep them short.

[Question]

I can’t seem to find my ticket at present, but I do know that the bus is one of those generic kinds. I’m taking a guess here because I don’t know all that much about bus models so I guess I can’t be regarded as an expert in ‘Name Brand’ or “Off Brand’ commercial vehicles. Perhaps maybe the bus line – commercial line? Perhaps the bus/commercial line shares the same sorts of vehicles with its competitors, and it is the company itself that is generic.

[Question]

I guess what I mean is how, like, when you get right down to it, there are ‘Name Brand’ and ‘Off Brand’ cereals whose ingredients are practically identical. There has to be some difference between them though.

Ah! Here is my ticket. As you can see by the departure time I’ll need to be gone here shortly. The time is right there underneath the picture of that tremendously ugly bus. Although perhaps the interior is nicer than the outside? Experience says no, but I’m nothing if not optimistic!

I do find it interesting that we are in land-locked Iowa and yet the mural painted on the busses starboard side is that of a ship on the horizon. I don’t see any land in the picture which could be a consequence of the perspective the artist took- but there is something about sailboats that forces one’s thoughts towards saltwater bodies.

Perhaps there is a message there as the bus company is called ‘Karon’ -though they chose a font which makes the word appear to be ‘Karen’- which brings to mind the phonetically similar ‘Charon’, the psychopomp of Greek fame. Though the association is rather unpleasant if you look beyond the mere ‘ferrying’ aspect of the entity and to its other, prominent associations.

Hm.

The bus is rather small looking though, don’t you think? But perhaps this is a regional line – I haven’t had a chance to examine the reach but I can assume it is regional due to my having never heard of this company before this morning.

[Question]

Speaking of which, did you know that literally every single hotel was booked? At least, the ones within walking distance of the bus stop? I arrived here last night from Colorado – a whole thing I don’t want to get into because I don’t have the time – and couldn’t find a single room to take me in and I had to sleep right there on the bus stop like some clochard while two actual clochards went about their erotic affray right there in front of me. Like I wasn’t even there!

[Question]

No! There was nothing artful or romantic in their movements and even the woman’s callipygian display did not render the scene more palatable. And when I entreated them to perhaps take their copulation somewhere more private-- I was met with such a degree of brickbat that I can feel my face going red even now at just the memory of it. They made me a peeping tom against my will and then had the nerve to accost me about it!

[Question]

Yes, well, at any rate, I’m afraid that I really must be going now, and I apologize for not quite getting around to your questions but if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just be off. Not a moment to waste! I have many things that need doing since Colorado turned out to be such a failure. I cannot afford to marinate in it lest my will shrivel up like my finances or like the admittedly marvelous baculiform member of the gentlemen at the bus stop last night after he presumably climaxed in/with his partner.

[Question]

I mean I tried to tell him so. I was initially shocked at the scene but I thought that perhaps I had been too judgmental. I cannot, after all, keep track of every cultural trend and so I thought that maybe I was just simply out of the loop with what's popular.

And so I commented on how impressive his manhood was as well as the woman's physique and the look they gave me in return was almost feral – I swear to you they growled! And the stink from their mouths was, while not wholly unpleasant-- well it reminded me of the smell of spray paint or perhaps burning electrical wire. Come to think of it I don’t recall how I got to be close enough to them to smell their breath.

[Question]

Well I mean yes, some words were exchanged. But I promise that was it. I couldn't just leave, you know. I mean, do you know what that man called me? What that sack of --- I’ll refrain from expletives, but do you have any idea what that derelict son of a --- what that man said to me? Do you know what that woman suggested I do with my mother? Do you see how red my face is getting just talking about it? How dare they! HOW GODDAMN DARE THEY!

[Question]

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I seem to have punctured my skin with my fingernails at the memory, I apologize, but could you get me some bandages. Or at least a band-aid?

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You are truly kind, thank you.

[Question]

No, I cannot say what happened to the two of them. As I said, I recall the distinct smell of methamphetamine forming a miasma about the pair so it might be prudent to adjust your inquiries to whatever part of town is home to—

[Question]

Oh, I guess I just assumed that’s what it was. I've heard it described as smelling like burning electronics or spray paint which was how they smelled. It's not like I've ever tried the stuff - I mean look at how well I'm dressed!

[Question]

Yes, well, I suppose the Nazis did use the stuff, but I don’t see how that’s relevant here. Excuse me though, I really must be going before my ship sets sail.

[Question]

Yes, I mean no-- I am taking a bus. I was making a joke about the mural. The one painted on the side? I don’t want to be stranded here you know, with that ship getting even more distant than it already appears—

[Question]

YES! I WAS MAKING A JOKE ABOUT THE GODDAMN MURAL! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A JOKE IS YOU--

[Question]

No, no, there's no need to get that out. No need to get that other gentleman in here, either. I’m sorry for my outburst. It’s just I really must be going now so if you would be so kind as to just uncuff me here?

[Question]

The blood? Yes, well, I suppose it’s mine if it’s on me, right? Ownership is 9/10th of the law! Although I’ve never really understood what that specifically meant.

[Question]

No, I’m not owning up to anything you dolt. I didn’t do anything! I don’t know where their bodies are or how many times something impacted their skulls or—

[Statement]

Come again?

[Statement]

A s-security camera you say? And it was, I presume, functioning well? A clear picture and all that?

[Statement]

Shit.