Jeffrey Epstein’s Salty Dinner Party in Damnation - Based on a 2003 Article by the New York Magazine

Jeffrey could have easily reached across the table to obtain the salt but Dershowitz was so close that he decided to risk asking him again. Epstein asked politely, “Sorry Alan, could you pass me the salt shaker?” Dershowitz didn’t react straight away, he was trying to cut through the tough steak which lay like a slice of compressed ash on his dinner plate. Alan looked up from under his questioning brow, “I’m sorry Jeffrey, I don’t have the salt shaker.” Dershowitz continued sawing into his slice of meat/dolomite, he didn’t like to be bothered while he was busy concentrating. Epstein looked up towards Peter Mandelson who was sat on the other side of Dershowitz. Mandelson smiled at Epstein as he picked up the salt shaker, “Do you want this Jeffrey?” asked Peter as he poured the salt onto the floor. Once every grain had been shaken onto the damp slate floor, Mandelson screwed the shaker top back on and threw the empty glass container to a slouched and ever frustrated Epstein.

This was Jeffrey’s choice. He had told New York Magazine, published on 25 April 2003, who his perfect dinner guests would be. He had confirmed to the journalist that Alan Dershowitz, Donald Trump, Les Wexner, Peter Mandelson, Doug Band, Mort Zuckerman, David Blaine, and Sergey Brin would be his choice for the perfect evening meal. It had been noted down for his afterlife and immediately enacted as punishment for his many sins. Donald Trump watched on from the other side of the table. “You made a mistake by not asking me,” said the grinning Trump, “a huge mistake Jeffrey! You’d have salt now if you had asked me.” Epstein let out an audible sigh. “Can you pass me your salt shaker then Donald?” asked the weary Epstein. Trump picked up his salt shaker and put it underneath the table, “I don’t have a saltshaker Jeffrey.” said Trump sneering with devilish delight.

Luckily for Epstein, he had also selected creepy street magician David Blaine for his eternal dinner party in hell. Blaine was sitting to the right of Jeffrey. “Do you want some salt?” mumbled Blaine while offering Epstein a playing card, to which Jeffrey nodded. “Eat the card...” said Blaine, “...eat it quickly or it won’t work.” Epstein quickly stuffed the King of Hearts into his mouth, chewing the card until it was mushy enough to swallow. Gulping it down, Blaine smiled as the card turned to salt in Epstein’s stomach. Epstein vomited and spluttered as his body rejected the sudden internal influx of sodium chloride. Leslie Wexner belly laughed at the retching Epstein, slapping Trump on the back and causing Alan Dershowitz to start paying attention. “Do you want my shaker?” asked Dershowitz, before realising that his salt shaker wasn’t there anymore. Alan huffed at being distracted from cutting his endlessly tough steak.

Mort Zuckerman had been watching the events closely. “Your problem, Jeffrey…” said Mort, taking a little chance in between words to swig his yellow water, “...you’re too liberal with your salt.” Sergey Brin hadn’t been watching the tomfoolery, “I have found a hair in my beard?” said the Google co-founder slowly, puzzling over his mysterious discovery. Doug Band took the opportunity to take his clothes off. “Class of 1990!!!” shouted Band as he swung his penis in a circular motion with the use of his rash covered gyrating hips. Trump started laughing in between his bitter sneers.

Epstein looked at Peter Mandelson, who was busy watching Doug Band’s meaty Catherine wheel rotate. Dershowitz’s plate and steak knife began to make a scratching noise that caused Jeffrey’s fillings to vibrate and electrify. “Alan!” shouted Epstein as the porcelain screech grew in volume. Soon there was silence. Epstein had his eyes closed and awoke laying face down on a massage table. He already felt waves of relaxation pass through his stressed body, until he heard Trump breathing in his ear. He suddenly found himself lying on the dinner table, naked. Peter Mandelson began to touch his legs and apply cream that smelled like a mixture of Old Spice and Gasoline. Epstein was stuck down and unable to move and then suddenly he was sitting back in his dining chair, watching Dershowitz cutting into his charred steak without any success. Jeffery looked down at his plate. The chicken breast which adorned his fine china was still pink. He felt that salt would help. “Sorry Alan, could you pass me the salt shaker?” Alan didn’t react straight away. Leslie Wexner cackled as he threw his open pepper pot into Epstein’s eye’s. “Salt?!!?” Wexner screamed maniacally, guffawing at his own actions. Epstein’s eyes began to burn and so he reached out for his water glass. The fresh liquid would suppress the searing pain a little if poured onto his brow, but the glass was full of salt.

“You made a terrible mistake Epstein!” shouted Trump as he grabbed Doug Band’s penis to stop it spinning as it had been causing him to become dizzy. Trump held on tightly as Band increased his gyrations in a vain (or vein) attempt to break free of Trump’s tiny grasping paws. This behaviour had Mandelson ripping open his own tuxedo to free his tiny throbbing miniature skin flap thing. Sergey Brin had put the hair he had found back into his beard. “That was close!” he said with his eyes wide open.

Jeffrey could easily have reached across the table to obtain the salt but Dershowitz was so close that he decided to risk asking him again. Epstein asked politely, “Sorry Alan, could you pass me the salt shaker?” Alan didn’t react straight away. Repeat for eternity.

The Actual Article

I spend a lot of time researching archived sites and looking for information people may have missed. The article above, that has become Jeffrey Epstein’s reoccurring hell is based on a selection of interviews by Sarah Bernard and Deborah Schoeneman, and was published on NYMag.com on 25 April 2003. The magazine had asked some of the most wealthy New York socialites to tell them who would make their preferred dinner guests. Jeffrey Epstein’s choices are a very interesting selection of people to examine.

There are a couple of names missing that you would’ve expected Epstein to say. Instead of his good friend Bill Clinton, Epstein chose to invite the ex-presidents former aid Doug Band. It isn’t a surprise to see that Les Wexner, Epstein’s boss and mentor, would be present, and Alan Dershowitz was also a regular Epstein dinner guest in reality. Media mogul Mort Zuckerman appears in a few of the various socialites top table lists and seems to have been a major part of the New York elites wider social network. Google co-founder Sergey Brin, according to Yahoo News and others, “attended an elite private dinner with Jeffrey Epstein just 2 years after he served a prison sentence for soliciting sex from a 14-year-old girl.”

David Blaine's mentioned in the notes at a previous Epstein dinner party. "At a recent dinner organized by Ghislaine Maxwell, Blaine amused a group of barely clad models with card tricks." They even find it note worthy to mention Jeffrey Epstein's many security cameras by saying, "Alas, Clinton—around whom the evening had been organized—never showed, though his Secret Service would have appreciated Epstein’s numerous security cameras." This article is packed full of little hints to what life was really like for the New York elites.

One of the most interesting people found around this flaming table of torture is Peter Mandelson - or how they refer to him in the article - "disgraced British Cabinet minister Peter Mandelson." The man nicknamed "the Dark Lord" is also mentioned in Sky News's “The Prince and the Paedophile,” and reportedly phoned Epstein while he was in jail.

In a documentary by UK Channel 4's Dispatches, it was revealed Lord Peter Mandelson called Epstein, while he was in jail in 2009, trying to arrange a meeting with the boss of JP Morgan bank. Epstein affectionately referred to Mandelson as "Petie" and the controversial pair had obviously become close friends.

In this NYMag.com article, they also ask the same question to Alan Dershowitz. He chose Harvey Weinstein, William Styron, and Larry and Laurie David to attend his party.

Although this article only gives us a taste of the social lives of the New York elite, it should be noted in the archives for the record. But since I first found this article, NYMag.com have removed Epstein and Dershowitz's pictures from the piece and partly deleted their names from the section titles. Even though it is definitely not the most noteworthy article relating to Jeffrey Epstein, it may soon be completely removed by the publishers and that saddens me. Any online history can be deleted as easily as this, so it's vital that we archive some of the oldest examples now.