In Love with Danger

When it comes to love and dating, some like a chase. But what about those who are chasing the unattainable? Around the world, many women embark on relations with inmates, many whom are on death row. I decided to investigate as there’s legions of women who perhaps find Tinder a little mild.

Many websites act as a gateway to love, allowing many women to “window shop” through the profiles before selecting a person who you may wish to write to. Below, I seek to uncover what drives many women to seek pen pals behind bars.

Websites such as loveaprisoner.com and writeaprisoner.com promote a long list of inmates with photographs that are seeking pen pals, with “Love a Prisoner” boasting a 75% compatibility rate for those seeking a soul mate, with some listed prisoners on death row.

Within the forum on “Write A Prisoner", user ‘Vynte’ admits that she seeks chatty prisoners aged over 40, and avoids those seeking monetary donations. In regards to narrowing down her “type”, Vynte asserts that “as far as crimes go, I write to robbers and murderers, but I do not write to sex offenders.”

Elspeth, a self-confessed “death row darling”, admitted she did not intend to gain a boyfriend out of her pen pal but acknowledged “there are a lot of women on the go for the extra kick of danger in it.” Another online user known as ‘Mystic Mo UK’ explained that whilst it is not easy having a pen pal on death row as many of them have been executed, “each time I am comforted by the knowledge that I helped to make that person feel 'wanted' when almost all others had walked away”.

In trying to decipher why these women would seek friendship inside the four walls, they dispute the notion of being considered “groupies”. They believe that everyone deserves a caring friend when almost all is lost, despite user ‘Pihlle’ admitting that “I love the attention he is giving me”.

Call me old fashioned but the usual qualities one seeks with love is someone who can make you laugh, loves to travel and perhaps makes stellar pancakes. So, what psychologically drives these women to seek love behind bars? Author of “Women Who Love Men Who Kill”, Sheila Isenberg seeks to explain this bizarre world. She found that the large majority of women she interviewed had been hurt or abused in some way by past men in their life, and seeking love with someone who is trapped in prison gives them greater control over the situation. Isenberg also highlighted that most women were quite melodramatic about their affections towards the men, noticing a common thread of expressing they “are madly in love”. To her, the separation behind the barbed wire and security creates a dangerous yet romantic fairy tale for these women.

But do they also feel a bit…weird they’re dating a killer or a sadist? Isenberg found that many of the women found a way to validate their crime or excuse what they had done. One woman she had interviewed was on the jury panel that convicted an inmate for murder, only to later fall in love with him.

Some prisoners have clued onto their suitors real intentions. Charles Manson called off his wedding to long-term pen pal Afton-Elaine Burton once he discovered she had secretly ordered a glass coffin with the plan to charge spectators, should her evil plan come to fruition. On the other hand, many straight male prisoners have sought a ‘sugar daddy’ to fund their lifestyle of drugs and tobacco whilst inside.

My investigation got a little weirder. I jumped on these websites to scroll the profiles, and to just see what this really entails. As I trawled the profiles and photos, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of sympathy for these individuals seeking a pen pal to "assist in helping pass the time”. This is the time until they are executed.

The majority of the men listed on the website are on death row, with profiles including star signs, hobbies, favourite books and tips for visiting prison. It is a relatively simple process to apply to write to these prisoners, with with their prisoner number and address along with road directions provided freely. Many of the profiles profess innocence (I followed up with various internet campaigns that highlighted the injustices of their trials), whilst many of these men also accept their fate. Others, such as that of Andrew Brown who is currently on death row for murder and alleged robbery in California since 1992, admits that it is “the most horrible, debilitating and nightmarish experience of my life”.

I then stumbled across the online forum on the writeaprisoner website, which is flooded with entries relating to various topics such as housing upon release, games, trivia, legal issues and counselling. Many women have also written in expressing their concerns that their inmate pen pal is cheating by writing to other women after deleted their profile, which is sending them crazy on the outside world.

User Monica submitted a thread that expressed her concerns that she would be murdered by her pen pal upon release after watching far too many YouTube documentaries, and also due to the fact she had given her address to this particular inmate. This highlights the risk that comes with initiating relations with a convicted criminal, and the cost that may come with seeking love behind bars.