I can see your memories (Chapter one)

Its Christmas 2013, I’m sitting in the back on my mother’s old oversized chair, watching everyone gather around the tree on the snow-covered morning. None have yet to notice me. Though, they never do. I watch diligently as I pass out gifts and they are opened one by one. A huge smile lights up my face as I watch my mother open the gift, I bought her. She has a small smirk on her lips, already having an idea of what was in the long slim box. What she did know was how I wrapped it, but for how often I visit this memory, you’d think she would know by now. If only they knew I was sitting right here, watching my favorite memory. I listen to my mother laugh as she opens the box and finds another wrapped package.

“How did I know you were going to do this to me?” She says opening the final product.

“You should know me by now, mom.” The memory me laugh, wrapping her hands around her knees, rocking back and forth.

Tears are brought to her eyes as she takes the new laptop out. She mouths a thank you as she slides her hand over the unbelievable present. I remember he always talking about getting a new laptop, as her old one had grown old and unreliable. She brought it to her chest and hugged it. Making all those in the room laugh, including me. None of them are taken by the extra body in the room. Its nice that they can’t see me. It means I can do whatever I want, but all I ever do is watch the memory.

I close my eyes for a moment and once I reopen them, I’m sitting in the same chair, but the lights, the tree, the happiness is gone. The room is dark and cold. The colors seem to have dulled and I can’t help but frown. The laughter that once filled the room is gone and everything is silent. Just like every other time I end the memory. I’m sitting waiting for it to be real and not just the past that lingers in my head. A lone tear glides its way down my cheek, and I wrap myself in the blanket, cuddling close to myself.

I close my eyes again, knowing I won’t be going to sleep, but to relive another memory. Something I have been doing a lot more lately. I never used to go back in time so much, but now it feels as though I live there. The past was such a happy place. A place I never want to leave. This time when I open my eyes, I’m out in the yard, sitting at the picnic table. My mom is sitting to the side in a lawn chair, a drink in her hand as she watches the ever-growing fire in front of her. I’m over on the other side grabbing logs and branches and throwing them into the fire. We are laughing, I’m not sure what about. I joined in the middle of the conversation.

A can of Mikes hard lemonade sits on the table in front of me. I don’t stop my hand as it reaches across and grip the cold can in my hand. I pull away and it phases through the original can, making a second one appears in my hand. I don’t question it, as it’s happened so many times before. I take a sip and like always, there is no liquid flowing down my throat. I don’t know why I bother, there never is any alcohol or a kind of drink. I’m always parched while I watch my family and myself drink and have a good time. I’m always yearning for what they have. Something that has left me very empty inside. Alcohol can’t fill that hole anymore. Nothing can.

Myself comes and grabs the drink I just tried for and chugs down half the can. She finishes with a satisfied sigh. One I wish I could give. She takes a seat, one arm resting on the table, the other holding her drink. She crosses her leg over the other. Relaxing into the spot, staring over at the fire. It crackles and flickers against the open area. The trees blur in the background from the invisible flames, so hot you can’t see.

I watch the two interact with each other. They chat and throw their heads back in laughter. Its not long and they are joined by two more figures. A man taller than the younger women walking next to him. He has to duck for a low branch that is sticking out as they walk down a path to the area of the fire pit. He adjusts his glasses on his soft wrinkled face and leans down to give his wife a kiss. The two girls both lean back in disgust, but this only makes the couple kiss harder.

“Ewww” I say with the two daughters. Though now I’d take them kissing over where they are now. Six feet underground.

Next thing I know the vision is shaking. No one else seems to feel the ground shake beneath my feet. I grip the table tightly, not ready to leave the past. I know what’s happening. Something that happens when they think I sleep to much. The vision blurs even more, my body vibrates, trembles and it takes me away from my happy place.

“Jesse…Jesse” I hear my name called out and my eyes close.

I let myself be taken away from the memory. Pulled back to the real world. The world finally stops shaken and I’m awaken to darkness again. Well, my own kind of darkness. The world I left is now light and there is a face staring down at me, her hand resting on my arm, where it was used to shake me awake. Her long blonde hair hangs down over her chest, her gray-blue eyes staring down at me.

“Have you been here all day?” She questions, her tone accusing.

“What’s it to you?” I growl from my ball of comfort.

“It’s my house.” She snaps, pulling the blankets off of me. I whine in protest, pulling them back. She is stronger at the moment and has more leverage, making it easy for her to pull it from my grasps.

“It’s mom and dad’s house.” I grunt before sitting up.

“Well they aren’t here anymore, and it was left in my name. It’s my house now. You need to go back to work.” She argued leaning back on her left leg and crossing her arms.

“I don’t want to go back to work.”

“You sitting here, sulking and going back into the past. You need to be using your gift at work.”

“There is only one past I want to go back to.” I look to the ground.

“I know that, and I wish I could go with you, but you need to keep busy. Crying around here, visiting the past isn’t going to bring them back and you know that.”

“Yeah let me go visit other people’s past and see their pain.” I stand up and walk past my older sister. I hear her sigh behind me. I pull on my gloves waiting for her to speak.

“You don’t just see their pain, you see their happiness too.”

“Well I’m tired of both.” I don’t give her a chance to speak back and I leave the room. More like I leave the house. I guess it’s time I go back to my equally empty one.

The sun is still shining down on me as I walk out through the garage and out to my car. A simple four door sedan, black with dark tinted windows. Sunlight has always been hard on my eyes. Gives me migraines. I like to stay in the dark, no matter how much I enjoy spending time outside. I sit down in the driver’s seat and grab my phone that’s sitting in the center counsel. I turn it on and almost immediately, it begins to light up with notifications. Phone calls, text messages, emails, you name it, its blowing up my cell. Not something I want to deal with right now. I go through the list anyway. Work, work, work and more work. My boss, colleagues, even my boss’s boss. They must really need me. To bad they won’t get me anytime soon. I have no plans on going to work. I throw the phone into the passenger seat after selecting a playlist.

Its not a long drive, but its long enough to let me think. Not enough to go into the past, I still have to focus on the road. I still think about how things could have gone differently. What I could have done to change the fate of my parents. Losing them is the reason I won’t go to work, won’t leave my house or my parents house. The reason I’m stuck reliving the past over and over. I normally live the past find the answer to the problems. Find out what the suspect doesn’t want us to know. Find out who murdered the victim. It’s a gift I’m not always happy I have, but it does catch a lot of cold-blooded killers. Even sometimes the petty thief. Though I try not to take all the jobs away from the other cops.

I pull up to my dull home and there’s a car waiting for me in the driveway, blocking my way to the garage. This is just perfect, just what I need. I recognize the old jalopy and I’m not sure how I feel about it leaving rust on the concrete in front of my house. I pull to the curb and park. I turn the key back and the engine shuts off. I have to take a breath before I get out of the car. The old man is now leaning against his car as I walk up. He has a smug smile on his face as I eye him down. I stop in front of him, ready to ream him for parking in my driveway. Just as I open my mouth, he speaks.

“If I had not parked in your driveway, you would have gone in and totally ignored me.” His voice is gruff and tone full of amusement.

“You got that right.” I snap, not liking this at all.

“We need you back at work.”

I let out an huff and go to storm off until my arm is grabbed. I stare at him in hatred, pure hate. He blows it off likes its nothing, gripping tighter as I try and pull away. He stands there shaking his head at me, waiting for me to stop fighting. For an old guy he sure is strong, but he’s also been a cop for over 40 years. He’s very physically fit. We’ve trained together and I know he can lift two of me put together.

“Jess, I understand. But it’s been almost a month and we just had a body come in and it’s not looking good. We won’t be able to figure this one out without you.” He pleads.

“I’m getting real tired of death. Can’t you find someone else to do this shit, Dan?” I whine. My shoulders slouching forward.

“If I could find someone else who can see the past, then yes, I’d happily go to them, but you’re the only one I know that can look into other pasts. So, I need you.” He looks despite, this must be a good one. Wait I don’t want to do this, I can’t get interested.

“Look, we found a body on Monday. It was badly mangled and charred; we haven’t even been able to get identification yet. Teeth were bashed in, half the skull was crushed, we can’t get any DNA because the body is so badly burned. If you can just work your magic, we can attempt to identify the body and maybe even its killer. Someone out there could be looking for this missing person. A family who loves them very much, but we won’t know unless you help.” He loosened his grip but held on. I hate when he does this to me.

He always manages to dig in deep with his words, hitting my heart strings and playing them like a violin. He’s always been good with words, it what makes him such a good detective. It’s also how he got me to work with him in the first place. He knew about my gift before I joined the force. He was close friends with my father who told him about it. No one believed me at first, it took a while for the skeptics to end, but I proved my worth. No one doubts my ability now and it’s all thanks to him.

“Fine.” I huff out, “I’ll follow.”

“No, you’ll ride back with me. I know you and I know you won’t follow.” He lets go of me and points a finger at me, knowing me all to well.

I cross my arms and look away, knowing he’s right. “Fine.”

I don’t give him time to say anything else and I go to his passenger side of his car. I yank the door open and hop in, waiting for him to do the same. He gets in and doesn’t wait for me to buckle and it already backing out of my driveway. The ride to the station is quiet, we don’t have much to talk about now. I don’t speak much anymore. I know he wants me to start pouring my soul out. Talk about what is on my mind, but he also knows I won’t do it. I’ve become a sealed vault. I have nothing to say anymore.

It takes us a mere ten minutes and we pull up to the gated parking lot. We pass through with flying colors and he parks the old jalopy. I can’t help the hesitation I make before I get out of the car. I don’t want to get out of the car. I don’t even want to be here. Why did I come? Oh yeah, because I was guilted into it. I felt I had no choice. Why do I let this happen to me? Dan is out of the car first and I slowly follow. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was even holding in as I take a look at the old building. One that has been standing for over century it feels like. It could use a nice upgrade.

I’m barely through the door, when a body crashes into me, almost sending me to the floor. “Jesse!” My name is yelled into my ear, blonde hair falling into my mouth.

“Hey Zip.” I say nonchalantly. She continues to hold on, squeezing my ribs tighter and tighter, “You can let go now.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just been while, and I’ve missed you. Well we’ve all missed you. It’s been crazy without you here. You have no idea.” She speaks quickly. Making it hard to make out.

“Zip…Zip slow down. I can barely understand you.” It’s not hard to figure out where the nickname came from, but she’s also fasts with her job and she holds the fastest record of getting a suspect to confess.

“Sorry, I’m just so excited to see you. Did Dan loop you in on the case? It’s a good one.”

“Well he explained the lovely burned shell of a body that no one can ID.”

“Yes, we do. It’s awful. Poor thing. I feel bad for her.”

“Her?” Dan never gave me a gender. Not that I asked.

“Yeah the guys down south were able to figure it to be a female, but that’s all we got.”

“Where was she found?” We walk into the office area.

A large area with five desks sit in a semi-circle. All facing a white board and big screen TV. Two men are seated at their desks and they give me a small wave of welcome back. On the board I see…very little. Usually it’s filled with faces, pictures, names, places, you name it. They really don’t have anything. The only thing on the board is the place they found the body. Which was in Delphi County off Hwy 62. The pictures showing the dying flames dancing over the body. Then after the body has been extinguished of the blazing orange rage. All in a ditch off the side of the road. Half the trees and brush around it were on fire too. Someone had revenge on this person. I can just feel it.

“Take me to the body.” I order, but they all stand and look at me in surprise, “What? You want me to find out what happened, let’s go.”

Dan nods to Zip and we move to go downstairs to the morgue. We take the elevator down two floors and walk down a long white hallway. It’s always eerie and dry down here. I always hate coming down here and now I do even more. The last time I was in a morgue I was there to identify my parents’ bodies. A memory I wish I could forget but haunts me in my nightmares. The doors slide open to the entrance of the sanitized open space. Where multiple metal slabs lay awaiting their next member of the dead.

“Jessie how nice to see you. How have you been? I’m sorry that’s a horrible question. I know you haven’t been well, but I’m glad you are out of the house now.” Dr. Cleo Manns gets up from her desk the moment we walk in and comes and gives me a hug. I hug back, but it’s not a full hug.

“I’ve been dealing. I’m here to see the body that was found burnt to a crisp.” I answer after letting go.

“Ah yes. She’s over here.”

We follow her to the other end of the mortuary, and she opens up the cold chamber and rolls out the damage corpse. If I had never seen a body before, I might have flinched back at the sight, but I’ve seen to many bodies to be grossed out anymore. I pull off one glove and get ready to touch the body. This is the only way I’m able to see their past. I have to be physically touching them. It’s the soul reason I wear gloves all the time. Otherwise anyone I touch; I’ll be able to see their past and most people hate that. I’ve seen far too much pain that most people want to hide. Everyone around me is silent as I reach to do my job. My fingers just barely touch the charred skin and I’m transported to another time.

I have to maneuver through certain memories until I get to the one, I want to see. I soon hear a scream and I know I’m where I want to be. I watch from the outside as a beautiful blonde is pushed to a wall. Her curly hair is disheveled, covering part of her face. Her clothes are torn in some places, her white v-cut t-shirt is ripped down the middle showing her white bra. The jeans she is wearing has holes in the knees and blood is running thin down her shins. The person shoving her has brown hair up in a ponytail, but some of her hair has fallen in front of her face as well. She’s not nearly as disheveled as the woman she is attempting to murder. I watch as the brown-haired female bangs the blondes head into the wall. Griping tightly to her hair and shoving her head back. Multiple times she does this, the girl crying out, tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes squeezed shut and her hands trying to grip her captor.

“This is what you get!” An angered voice screams throughout the area.

The other girl says nothing, but whimpers in agony. Trying to hold on, trying to get her stop. After the fourth or fifth hit, the girl collapses. Her knees give out and she crumbles to the ground. Her attacker does nothing to stop it, instead she continues to give her blows. Kicking her while she’s laying on the blood covered ground. Screaming at her that this is what she deserves. I don’t know what the beaten girl could have possible done, but the attacker was not letting up. I want to rush closer, check on the victim, but it wouldn’t matter if I did. This is, after all, only a memory. Anything I try and do will lead to nothing. I do take a step closer; I need a closer look at the victim and the attacker.

The attacker leans down, closer to the victim. I lean in as well. The girl’s eyes are swollen shut, her jaw is slack. Her chest is just barely moving. How is she still alive through this. I watch the brown-haired women; she has a knife this time. I take a good look at her face, imbedding it into my mind. I need to give her look to the sketch artist. Her dark blue eyes are filled with rage. A snarl is formed with those plump red lips. Dirt covered her face and she has a bleeding scratch upon her cheek.

“This is the end for you, Anna. I warned you. You didn’t want to listen.” She brings her arm back and plunges the knife down, straight into the girl’s heart.

The vision blurs and goes black. It’s the end of the memory, the end of her life. I stay in the darkness for a bit longer before trying to go back in time again. I need to find another memory to before this woman killed her. I keep pass through different memories. From when she was young, playing happily with her family. I take note of what her parents look like. I find one that gives me a name. Her mother is angerly calling for her. Anna Elizabeth Haven. I find her in the living room of her childhood home coloring the wall with marker. I can’t help but snicker a bit at the cute little blonde girl as she attempts to throw the marker across the room and hide behind the couch.

I send myself forward in time to when she’s older this time. The house is different and she’s with a group of people. They all seem to be having a good time. She has a glass of champagne in her hand and she’s laughing with a man about the same age as her. She laughs with him and gently puts a hand on his arm. Clearly, she’s smitten. Then the scene changes and she’s watching from a distance, hiding behind a wall as the women who I watched murder her is with the same man. They are in the back of the house, covered by darkness, but a small light from the porch gives you a clear view of who it is. The man hands the murderer a small packet, its hard to see what’s in it, but my guess is drugs.

A branch breaks and both snap their heads to where we are hiding and an angry face spreads to the murderer. Our victim turns and runs but isn’t fast enough and is caught. She’s in the same predicament as I watched from the future of these events. Held against the wall by this woman, being threatened not to say anything. Before she can do any damage, the man comes into view and stops her.

“She won’t say anything. Will you, dear?” His voice is deep and filled with authority. Making you want to listen to him.

She shakes her head under the hand of the murderer. Her green eyes wide with fright. Tears streaming from them.

“Let her go.” He orders. The killer looks up at him in surprise. Not believing what he’s saying. “She won’t do anything. She can’t, if she doesn’t want her father getting in trouble.”

If her eyes could go any wider, they would be bigger than her head.

“Oh, that’s right, you don’t know. Your father is the man in charge of all this. He runs the illegal trade of drug running. He did a good job keeping it from you and your mother, didn’t he? So, I suggest if you want to keep your prefect family, you don’t say anything.”

She nods her head, tears still streaming down like a waterfall. All this information seems to be to hard for her to handle. The man goes in and caresses her cheek. She does all she can to flinch away, attempting to get away from him, but it does her no good. He still trails his fingers down her cheek, wiping away her tears. His attempt at calming her down is futile, it does nothing but make her cry more. I’m tired of this scene. It does nothing but make me realize the how bad the situation was for her. I can probably guess that she told someone and that’s what got her killed.

I let myself leave the memory. The scene goes black and I’m sent back to the present. I let my eyes open and I’m staring at the dead body that my hand is still resting on. I remove my hand and put my glove back on. Everyone is staring at me, waiting for an answer. I revisit my memory on what I just witnessed. Getting it all together before I let everyone know.

“We got a problem. This isn’t some random act. This was vengeance. Her name is Anna Elizabeth Haven. Daughter of Nathanial Haven.”