Florida man Dumpster Dives Disney

A Florida man was arrested the other day for claiming he is the REAL Abu the monkey while hurling fecal matter into the fan at the popular location “The Rainforest Cafe.” He didn’t go down easily while he launched himself at families that mocked his disguise. Taking a child captive atop the volcano, He said he would let the child go if he could let his story be known. He is more real than the actual monkey Abu, since the actual monkey was a cartoon, he claimed.

His story goes as follows and as per his request he speaks these words. “The reason you have not seen the headlines “Florida Man dumpster dives disney” until now is because me and my esteemed colleagues are professional cosplayers, willing to play victim should anyone catch on to our tricks.” He claims

We came up with the plan in the late 90s and has since been developed to perfection. See the plan was flawless, only one of us needed to be employed and that was my more attractive friend Steve, who one day while playing beer pong I noticed looked just like Aladdin. He said well buddy, If I’m Aladdin than you’re my animal sidekick Abu. That’s where big dreams began to unfold.

We set a course through Disney, marking every dumpster with a glow in the dark banana sticker so I could also be able to preform by night. Making sure to be a stand up performance as I take my dives. But like any voyage. This required patience and skills. We must know the ins and outs of the park and do our best dives when everyone was preoccupied with fireworks or a more important character like Darth Vader or Harry Potter. I mean who is actually looking for a human monkey anyway?

You’re probably wondering If we are so good at this, than how come you’re reading the headlines? How did this great and unflawded plan go south? Well one particularly hot day in my monkey suit, a young child grabbled my tail and proceeded to claim I was not a real monkey to everyone in the surrounding area. He went on to say that he has a monkey and I was just a sad man-monkey lying to everyone and shame on me. At first I was able to keep up my composure, and waving a fist in the air whilst making Abu’s signature monkey sounds. But his words hit an un healed and fatherless Abu down to his very soul. People have been calling me trash for a while now so I knew Disney was my calling. He loved to see what tourists couldn’t manage to carry home. Couples fighting and discarded mouse ears and stuffed animals he would resell on the internet to unsuspecting Disney fanatics and adult “disnerds” everywhere.

Times sure have been tough these past few years. But the self proclaimed “most magical place on earth.” Has been calling all the shots and making its rounds to make sure we know that everything will be fine with a little extra spending money and the magic of double seated strollers in a blazing Florida sun.

It seems that Disney has everything under control now and assured families that they did not hire this particular character but his friend was sure to be fired for taking on an side hustle within the park. The man seems filled with delusions of grandeur about his life and times as the real Abu. Abu was not taken to prison as it is understood he has mental health issues from being a life long Disney fan and he is stuck in his acting role and can’t get out. He is locked in the box that is Abu. and they have agreed to foot the bill for A young Abu and when he has completed his stay in the psych ward he will come back to work at animal kingdom.