Black Diary

They say everything happens for a reason and that reason causes change. They say sometimes it hurts and sometimes it is hard but, in the end, it is all for the best. Maybe that is true, especially for Reign Sommers. Well at least, that is who I used to be. It has been months since my husband’s passing and it is finally paying off. I loved Terrence Sommers with every breath in me… I just got tired of being reminded of my past. Here I am in the middle of winter signing the last piece of my freedom as Executor of a twenty-million dollar Estate. My heart has never been so cold.

I figured I could use a fresh start, so I sold the Estate and moved back to the city of Atlanta where I bought a nice cozy three-bedroom condo right above a coffee shop. It was a normal morning but this morning, he must have noticed something different about my walk. Or maybe it was the way the sun complimented the glow of my beautiful melanin skin tone. Whatever it was… he noticed! Any other time, it is usually a “good morning”, small conversations, then he would leave with a “nice seeing you again”. This time he fell into my soul without a worry whether something could stop him from falling. He just… fell! I fell into his heart and my cold heart was no longer. He made me feel whole heartedly whole again. The same feeling, I could remember when I first laid eyes on Terrence. This man saw my flaws and he forgave me. He read me from the top of my succulent lips to my red bottoms. And damn did he love me in my red bottoms.

The passion of love making was a day I could never forget with Drayton. It became a routine for us every morning we would pretend not to know each other and recreate the first day we fell in love. We did not think that we were moving too fast when I asked Drayton to move into my home. Besides, I thought it was better than renting a room with strangers. One morning I started to question it when he decided to make us breakfast. I am usually not a hard sleeper, but the night before was different than any man has ever touched me. He told me he loved me, and I trusted every word. It is always that little voice in the back of my head that I trust a bit more. “What are you doing”? I uttered. “Oh, I was just…” Drayton said. “You were just what?” “Thinking that it’s okay to snoop around now that you live here” I said as I began to raise my voice. “No wait…” Drayton said with confusion. I began to calm down as he reached out his arms to console me. “I’m… can you just give me a moment”. Drayton quietly kissed my forehead and said, “Your plate is on the counter, I’m going to meet with Troy.” He grabbed his gym bag and as he headed out of the front door, he made sure to reassure me that he loved me.

I knew I overreacted, but I was just not ready to open fully to Drayton about my past. “What’s going on my G. You good?”, Troy said as Drayton dapped him up. Drayton responded, “Yeah, man Reign just flipped out on me. I fixed her some breakfast and when I went to the bathroom, she got this padlock on one of the guest rooms”. Troy said, “Maybe she’s into some freaky stuff”. “Nah bro, not how she reacted. It was like Pandora’s box or something”, Drayton said with concern. Troy asked, “What do you know about her. You don’t think you’re moving too fast?”. Drayton responded, “I don’t know man, not much but maybe I shouldn’t have been snooping around”. Troy responded, “Man let’s go grab a drink you could use one”.

When Drayton came home later that evening, I knew that it was time I let my guard down just a little. “Hey babe!” Drayton said as he entered the house. I responded quickly, “We should talk. About earlier…”. Drayton cut me off and responded, “No look I’m sorry for snooping. I should’ve just asked”. I then cut him off and said, “No I shouldn’t have overreacted the way I did. My husband passed almost a year ago and I kept some of his things. I kind of made that room a memoir of his demise”. Drayton sincerely responded, “Damn, babe I’m sorry. I did not know. How did he pass if you don’t mind me asking”? I responded, “No, yeah! It was a freak accident. We did not have the best marriage. Can we talk about something else”? He grabbed me without hesitation and just held me close until we fell asleep on the couch.

The next few months were amazing with Drayton and I. He became the head analyst at his job, and I moved up and started my career as VP at my firm. I had to go to Florida for a business trip for a few days. My trust for Drayton has completely opened. The day I left for my trip was the day I would never forget. Drayton thought it would be a great idea to tidy up around the house. As he folded up the clothes and began placing them on my side of the closet, he noticed a crack in the hardwood floor tile where he found a box with a key. Drayton’s curiosity grew stronger and drew him back to the padded locked room. He took a big gulp as he slowly inserted the key and turned the key unlocking the padded lock. The room was well kept and furnished. Drayton looked inside the closet where I kept several suits of various sizes. He thought to himself that having different sized suits was odd, but he had no clue. He then drew his attention to the corner of the closet where he could see a shadow of something, I wish he never noticed. It was in fact my little black diary. He opened the diary and began to read. The more he read the more frightened he became.

And it read: “I used to think that love was about trust and honesty. Terrence, you make me believe otherwise. I just wanted you to love me unconditionally just like my father loved my mother. My mother had to kill my father not because she wanted to but because she had to. She always told me to not look for things I do not want to find. Why couldn't you just trust me. I forgot about them all and you brought them back to me. YOU ARE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM! I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID!!!”.

The hairs on Drayton’s forearm stood so high and he must have fallen so deep into this little black diary of mine that he did not hear me walk back in the house. I left my wallet in our bedroom, but I began to feel the rage in my body that I prayed I would never feel again. The trust, the sense of hope, it all became nonexistent when I saw that one room that was once locked open. The fire took over me and my heart began to palpitate. As Drayton read out loud the last insert, we simultaneously said out loud, “I hope you found what you were looking for”. The bat I had behind the bedroom door hit Drayton on the head as he turned around with that damn little black diary in his hands.

They say everything happens for a reason and that reason causes change. They say sometimes it hurts and sometimes it is hard but, in the end, it is all for the best. Maybe that is true, especially for Apryl Winters. Well at least, that is who I used to be.