Zig Zag #4

I firmly believe everyone has a story.

As we pass through life, we get to be a witness of others' stories just as much as we get to be a part of them. With a person’s story, there are many acts and scenes that move things along. When a person decides to share any of these parts, the receiver of the share is getting just a glimpse into someone's life. A fraction of the whole. But that fraction is a gift. Especially when the story holds a secret.

In one of my many Lyft adventures, a passenger told me a sliver of a story that she gave me permission to share, but on the condition that I changed her name. Well, lucky for her, that’s a given with all the stories I write here. While the details are true, the names will always be changed. She has kept this secret for over 25 years, and she wanted it to stay that way.

The reasons we keep secrets are deeply personal. They say that truth sets you free. But I don’t think I agree. I’m 100% certain Carmella would feel the same.

I picked Carmella up at the San Diego airport. She flew in from Austin. We bonded immediately because I had just moved to San Diego from Austin. Wowza. Getting meta there!

We fell into easy conversation as it can happen with passengers. I wanted to hear all of the comings and goings of Austin since I missed it so. After she filled me in, she asked me if Lyft driving was all I did. I, of course, told her I was a writer, and I was exploring romance novel writing.

She asked a flurry of questions about my process, particularly where I get inspiration.

“Well, Carmella, why do you think I signed up to be a Lyft driver? People get in my car, and once I tell passengers I’m an aspiring romance writer, they are actually pretty eager to share love stories of their own or a love story of a relative or friend.”

Carmella was silent for a beat, as if she was thinking about sharing a story of her own.

“I have quite the love story myself. I don’t mind if you write about it, but you have to change my name. It’s a story I have kept to myself for almost 25 years. I have four children, and I don’t want them to ever find out.”

That statement felt heavy, but my interest was piqued. I couldn’t let someone preface a story like that and then not hear it. So I agreed.

“Okay. I would love to hear it, and I promise to change your name if I ever write about it.”

And what a story it was…

Twenty-five years ago it was the mid-90s. Austin had not seen the notoriety and popularity it has garnered in recent years. Back then, it was still a small hippy town that prided itself on its authentic brand of weirdness. One of the consistent Austin attributes that has never faltered no matter how much time has passed is Austin’s claim as the premiere live music scene that is unparalleled by any other U.S. city. And 25 years ago Carmella was in the thick of it.

One night, while out with friends, Carmella started chatting with an Austin rockstar on the rise. That’s just how it is in Austin. The talent comes out from behind the stage after a show to mingle with the crowd. Side note: Carmella refused to reveal the identity of the rockstar. According to her, he was/is pretty famous.

The sparks between Carmella and the rockstar flew and before she could say “Keep Austin Weird” she found herself in a relationship with this guy.

Like any honest-to-goodness rockstar, he had an entourage that included his best friend he’d known since childhood. The rockstar kept him close probably because he was one person he could sincerely trust. His best friend knew him before he was famous. So it was no surprise that the rockstar’s best friend always seemed to be in the background.

About three months into the relationship with the rockstar, Carmella could sense something was amiss. A lady’s intuition never fails her. But sometimes our hearts and heads over power our guts. The rockstar was gone for long stretches of time without the band so he wasn’t touring, and the best friend would always step in and hang out with her whenever the rockstar was gone.

But Carmella was dating a rockstar, and she loved what that meant. She was living it up in a great city, in her early 20s so, of course, she ignored what her gut was saying. She was dating a freaking rockstar!

One night, a few months later, Carmella was coming back from work when she decided to stop over at the rockstar’s house he shared with his band mates. Inside of the house, the rooms were separated by glass windows instead of walls so you could see through and across multiple rooms.

Carmella walked in and saw the rockstar through one of the window walls. His head was tilted back. His eyes were closed. His mouth was opened. She said it looked like he was in pain. But he wasn’t. Quite the opposite. Carmella’s best friend popped up right then. Yup, the rockstar wasn’t in pain. Carmella’s best friend was giving the rockstar a blow job.

Her. Best. Friend.

Naturally, Carmella broke up with the rockstar right then and there, and ended her friendship with her best friend. But this wasn’t the worst of it.

Carmella came to find out from the rockstar's best friend that not only was he cheating on her with her best friend, but also the rockstar had a whole separate life in another city. With a wife and a child.

A. WIFE. AND. A. CHILD.

Carmella was even more devastated. She was angry with the rockstar, but more than that she was pissed off at the rockstar’s best friend. Overtime, the rockstar’s best friend had become one of her best friends. The entire time, he knew about the rockstar’s other life. He probably even knew about her best friend and the rockstar. They had spent so much time together over the last nine months, and he knew everything. He never said a word.

Now, are you ready for even more of a plot twist?

A few more months went by, and Carmella calmed down and eventually forgave the rockstar’s best friend. She missed him. She missed hanging out with him on the regular like they used to despite all that went down. Eventually, they started dating, and got married. Twenty-five years and four children later Carmella and the rockstar’s best friend are still living happily together.

Neither Carmella nor her husband ever spoke to the rockstar ever again. They never speak of him period. They have never shared this story with their children, and from the sound of it, they never will.

Carmella never explicitly said this, but from what I gather in talking with her, the reason she never wants to share this with her children is because she’s embarrassed. She’s embarrassed that she went nine months without knowing. She went nine months ignoring her gut. She went nine months with everyone around her knowing what was going on while she remained in the dark.

I asked her what she tells her children when they ask her how she met her husband?

“Oh, we lied and made up a very sweet story. The two of us and the rockstar are the only people who will ever know the real details.”

It must be exhausting to keep up with all the stories. But embarrassed or not, it is her secret to keep. I’m just once again grateful she gave me permission to share it.

What’s her real name? I’ll never tell ;)

Oh, the secrets we hold dear.

I wish you a zig zag kind of week. Until we meet again.