Your life starts on the other side

t was the toughest hike in Garland Park. There were parts where you were on your hand and knees, inching up a rock strewn trail cut through the hills. I had always been afraid to hike it. Too hard, too long, and too big.

That's me on top.

The trail to the top started with my abject fear of public speaking. I'm not alone. It's the Number One fear most people have. The mere thought makes palms sweat. Dangerously increases heart rates. Creates impenetrable brain fog. Dries the mouth spitless. Clenches the stomach. Speaking to a crowded room or worse a full auditorium. It did all of those things to me. I also know how I overcame my fear and suddenly had my world open up.

This story begins with a book I wrote. Unlike most of my other books this one became a bestseller.

For some reason which I will never understand, people don’t just want to read a bestseller, they expect the writer to get his or her butt out there into the world and talk to them. Speak in front of large groups. Auditorium-sized groups. Lots of eyes staring up at you on a stage. And you're all alone. On a stage. In foreign countries. Being laughed at. Being ridiculed in public.

Close your eyes for a second and imagine doing it. How does it make you feel?

When I imagined doing it, the fear stopped me cold. My agent said I had no choice. I had to stand alone on the stage of all those auditoriums filled with countless eyes staring at me. One hundred people equals two hundred eyes. Staring at me. On stage. Talking about my book. Sweating profusely. About to heave. Slurring my words. Sphincter clenched. Praying for it to be over.

Hoping to die.

I decided I needed help. Lots of help. A friend of mine who is also an author had the same fear. He went to Toastmasters. It worked. He now speaks to stadium-sized groups without breaking a sweat. Loves the attention. Can’t have enough eyeballs staring at him. Cannot wait to get out on that stage.

So I went to Toastmasters. There were 10 people in the group, seemingly friendly, only twenty eyeballs. More than enough to rev up The Fear. My first assignment was to prepare a two-minute presentation on why I was there. The thought of presenting to the group - 20 eyeballs looking at me - scared me witless. Writing my presentation was the easy part. As I thought about the presentation, I decided I needed a prop to hold onto. Something that would help protect me from The Fear.

I grabbed a piece of printer paper and on one side of a piece of paper, in bold black marker letters, I wrote the words “ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR …”.

At the next meeting I held my prop in front of me, holding onto it for dear life, while I spoke about how afraid I was of public speaking. I spent the two minutes cataloging the many ways I found to wiggle out of it, from grammar school through college and beyond. I talked about how it had held me back in jobs, and given someone else the promotions I deserved. I added up out how many dollars The Fear made me lose.

My mouth dried up as I talked about having my mouth dry up.

At the end the presentation, I dramatically flipped the paper over.

On the other side were the words “… IS EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED.”

I stopped holding my breath. The applause from the group was great. (I later learned they did that for everyone’s first time out.). But I was encouraged and everyone gave me great marks, telling me what a natural I was. I also discovered my new mantra.

"ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR IS EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED."

Since realizing that, and finding out there’s very little I fear that will kill me, pushing through fear has become a new game. If I’m afraid I make a point to do it. I may not like it. Then again ….

The only thing that stopped me from speaking in public was fear. And it was all in my head. I found out what was on the other side. I am now an “International Speaker” and have travelled around the world, invited by people from Paris to Kuala Lumpur to talk. Not dance. Not sing. Not juggle or do magic tricks. Just talk.

It’s a great mantra. Use it the next time you’re fearful and want to be fearless. Just remember what you want is on the other side. Or as I learned that day hiking, waiting for you at the top.