You were right about one thing.

In the beginning you always told me that we had some sort of connection that could never be broken. You were always sending me quotes about soulmates and saying that you had never been in love before me. You were so damn romantic and I had never felt so good about myself. You did everything you possibly could to make me feel loved and wanted. You sent long love letters through emails and text. You would send me videos of you singing love songs to me. How could I not fall hard for you?

After some time though, when you would tell me that we had a connection that couldn't be broken it filled me with fear. There had to be a way out, I couldn't survive life with you and I knew it. I would panic inside and want to scream when you would say or do loving things because I knew those times were prelude to a cycle of abuse. I stopped trusting you and I walked on eggshells when you were around.

This is the cycle of living with a narcissistic person. And I was so stuck in it I didn't see a way out.

After we split, you made the comment that I was creating drama because you had found someone else. You said that my issue was jealousy but about that you were wrong. She can have you! She's welcome to the abuse, the torture, the belittling comments, the neglect, the pain and heartache that you will eventually shower on her. I tried to warn her but I'm labeled as the crazy ex. So be it, I have done what I could to be a good person and I'm left with the battle scars to prove it.

So jealous, NO! I am not jealous. What I am is angry. Angry at you for the years of pain and suffering that you caused me and my loved one. Angry at myself for allowing you into my life. Angry at the people who refuse to believe what is right in front of their face. Angry at the losses that I had to swallow when I came home. Angry at you for throwing my stuff away, for refusing to give me what is mine. Money, material things and an explanation as to how the hell you could ever justify what you've done and blame me in the end.

And the worst feeling of all, is embarrassment. Embarrassed that I ever let someone like you into my life and I fell for all the sweet words at first. I look back now and I wonder how I ever believed you but like so many other people who have been there. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I was truly a fool for not seeing through you.

I'm a smart woman and should have been able to pick up on the red flags but I was so blinded by the prince charming act that you put on I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. That blinding personality eclipsed everything around you.

Your whole life you have put on an act. You've been the funny one, the joker, the one that everyone adores!! Always making fun and smiling that sickening fake smile of yours. So many people have been fooled by you. But not me anymore. You are the worst sort of human there is. Hiding a devil behind an angel's face.

So yes, I am embarrassed for every time I overlooked your faults, every time I allowed behaviors to happen. I hate knowing that I allowed you into my life time and time again only to be broken by you in the end.

I hate you for what you've done and continue doing. I know you're sitting up there laughing with your new girl and your friends, saying all kinds of horrible things about me and making me look like the crazy person. I know this because you did the same thing when we got together when you talked about your ex's. So, enjoy yourself now because someday the truth will come out.

I used to hate myself for allowing you into my life but I am learning that I was not to blame. Not for any of it, nothing I had done could have changed the way things went because you controlled that. In so many ways, you dictated the course of events from day one.

I have moved on, you no longer have a place in my heart but you have left me with so many traumas and triggers that it will take me a lifetime to get over them. Some may never leave me, but I will do my damndest to get rid of every scar you've given me. Every whip mark will fade away and hopefully heal so it doesn't hurt anymore.

So, no. I will not likely ever forget you. But not in the ways that you think. I won't forget the pain and torture that you gave me because those things may haunt me for the rest of my life. You have had a lasting impact on me.

I panic when someone raises their voice now. Inside my stomach gets all tied up in knots and I start shaking. I want to run away and hide from everyone.

I worry constantly that I am making people angry. I second guess my own judgments of people. I don't trust easily. I watch my surroundings when I'm out in fear of seeing you. Even though I know that you're across the country, I still fear you.

I wake up crying sometimes because I've had a nightmare that you came back into my life and locked me inside that special hell you call home once again. I turn the radio off when certain songs come on because it reminds me of times you used to scream and throw things.

But, thankfully I have something that I never had access to when we were together. I have an amazing support system behind me cheering me on with every baby step I take towards healing. My friends and family have been my strength through all of this and I tell them every day that I love them for it.

My new partner truly has come into my life and picked up all the pieces of me and helped me begin to put them back together. He is the man that you could never be. Patient, kind, loving and does his best to love me the way a person should be loved.

So, jealousy has never been a feeling that I've had toward your new life. But , you will never believe that because your ego won't allow it.