She's Magic, Fire, and Peace

Go quietly, please don't make a big deal of this." He thought in his head as he picked up the phone to end a 7 year relationship with a text message. "I'm done with you. I've taken all I can from you and now you're showing strength that I can't handle."

I wonder if this is what he thought as he sat down to text me while I was at work. Shattering all I had known for almost a decade. Was I ready for it? Yes I was because I was ready months, I had felt the end coming. Was it devastating? Yes it was. No matter how ready you think you are, the end of an Era always hits hard. Especially when you've been controlled for so long. When your voice was stolen so long ago and you became nothing more than his puppet.

But, would I go quietly? In the beginning, I did what he wanted but once the effects of him began to wear off I started becoming the person I was before him. And that's when I started to fight for what was mine. My things, my dog and my sanity.

The stronger I became, the more I had the courage to fight back. No longer would the anger and threats be enough to make me back down. No longer would I give in just to keep the peace. I found my voice again and I was damn sure ready to use it.

Once he realized that I was not going to back down is when the devil came out. Threats of taking my dog, saying things like "If you were here I would kick you in the head!"

His anger was once so savage it would scare me into submission but no longer.

I pushed back and met his anger with a rage like he had never seen before. I yelled. I screamed. I said everything I had wanted to say to him in 7 years but was too afraid to say then. But of course I was labeled the crazy ex because I stood up for myself. And he was shocked that I could treat him the way I was.

He's changed you see. That's his line once again. The same lines he fed me when we started dating. At that time his ex was the crazy one. So it seems we've come full circle again. Only now I'm playing that role in his life. Well so be it. Cycles of chaos always come with him. What he's most afraid of now is that I will tell my story and some will see him for who he really is. But this, my friend, is my story and I will tell it as I lived it.

So you can call me crazy but I succeeded in taking back what is mine. My life, my family, my friends and finally my voice. I have a huge crowd behind me cheering me on as I go. Whom I could not have done this without. There are also those who agree with him and think I'm the crazy ex. That's fine. Clearly you have no place in my life and have never really known me at all. If you had you would see that I was good to him. He was good to me in public, sometimes. Behind closed doors, never, he acted like I didn't exist.

Damage was left by him that will take me a lifetime to get over but the fire inside me, that wants to incinerate every trauma he left in me, burns strong. I will rise from this like the strong independent woman I was raised to be and I will do all the things I was never allowed to do when he controlled my life.

I will have a career that I love, I will spend time with my family and by God I will write.

With all of the self reflection I've done I now see the magic that lies inside me. A Magic that I have always had but just lost for awhile. I will move on from this and make it known to the world that no human has to tolerate the treatment that I was given.

Now that I am done fighting for my life. I am at peace. I never want to allow him another second of my time. I have created a life after him. There will never be another life with him nor anyone like him in it again and that is my promise to myself.

To all the people in the world who are living quietly to keep the peace, I wish you strength to find your voice again. I wish you time to find your inner Magic and feel peace. You can get past this time on your life, take baby steps but keep moving forward.