Widowhood 101: The cremation mishap

Acting first and thinking later has consequences

The love of my life for 45 years and my husband of 40 passed away on March 7 2021. My children, brother-in-law and I decided together to have his remains cremated and my sister-in-law purchased a beautiful blue urn in a shade that was his favorite color. I set the urn on a shelf and after moving placed it on a table in my bedroom. I rarely thought about it or looked at it because I know my husband is in heaven.

A few weeks back I began pondering that his ashes should have a final resting place and thought about sprinkling them over his mother's grave. One day an idea came to me and I made a mistake when I did not first research the matter. I have a peace lily that was given to me at his funeral and I am thankful it continues to thrive. I decided to purchase a large planter and place my late husband's ashes in it and the peace lily on top.

Widow brain is a fact for some of us

Widow brain is real because I find that at times I act impulsively without thinking things through and this was one of those times. I purchased the larger flower pot and some topsoil and mixed the ashes in and placed the plant on top. I said "Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, and dust to dust as is common because my husband now was once again a part off the earth from which man came (sort of).

After I did this I researched the matter and found out I had created a disaster. The cremated remains which actually are bone and not ashes are loaded with sodium which diminishes the PH level in plants. There were products online that would restore the PH and keep the plant thriving but they were several hundred dollars and I did not want to invest this much money. I did some more research and found that using water with coffee or baking soda would neutralize the sodium and restore the PH balance so I tried these two.

My peace lily had begun drooping as it does when it needs water but was not returning to normal. After one week it remained the same. It did not die but neither was it restored. I did more research and found that if I took the plant out of that pot, thoroughly rinsed the roots, and replanted it then it might have a chance. For someone wondering why I did not bury the remains in a favorite spot or toss them in the ocean, there is a very good reason.

I could not think of a specific place to do so. The plant idea was the first that seemed right to me only it was very wrong. I have heard of people putting cremated remains in jewelry and wearing it around their necks but that was not for me. I was not trying to keep my husband near me for a very good reason. I had prayed for his healing man times and the prayers were always answered but thsi time they were not.

Making the most of a bad situation

Since the Creator did not leave him with me in his physical body I have to accept that. I do not communicate with any spirits except the Holy Spirit and I know once my spouse died the marriage was over. There is no marriage in heaven but I am still here on the earth with love in my heart for him. I just wanted to do something unique with his remains.

I pulled the peace lily carefully from the pot and rinsed off the roots as best I could. I then pulled it apart to make two plants and then repotted it in two smaller planters I already owned. I purchased two small artificial peace lilies and planted them in their pots inside the big flower pots that contained my husband's remains. It looks very nice but I am still waiting to see of the actual peace lilies will be restored. I think I may have overwatered them so I will wait a few days until they dry out a bit.

Even if they don't come back full circle I am thankful I found a creative way to use the cremation remains. I understand that someone reading will be turned off by this choice and that is their right. As mentioned earlier my spouse is in the afterlife and not coming back whether his "ashes" are in a grave, across the sea or in a plant. When I look at it it's just a reminder the same way a photo would be. I am thinking now of a way for my children to dispose of the both of us should I depart before this world ends.