Why am I here?

Somewhere between here and there, I lost my drive, my creativity to write on here on Vocal. I thought about it many times. But there simply was nothing that I truly wanted to write about. So, I decided that I am going to write about not wanting to write.

I guess it happens to everyone, what people call " writers block". I don't even know if that is what this is right now. I have had no desire to log on here, to read other people's work for inspiration, to look at my "Stats", which by the way, when I just logged on to write this, they are pretty damn depressing. Which also does not help with wanting to write on this platform, when I see that no one is reading the published poems and short stories I have on here. Even with my Vocal page linked to my Instagram account, still no activity. Which means no one is clicking that link on my IG to this page you are on now.

Makes you wonder, do people even care about writers any more? Has this digital world turned us into just mindless zombies scrolling and scrolling looking at pictures but not reading the captions? A picture on Instagram can get hundreds of likes, post a poem and/or story and you can get less than 100 likes.

Now it isn't about just the likes, even though it does help boost your ego, which in turn will make you want to write more, but only if the likes are based on your writing and not a half naked picture of yourself. It's about how the hell do you capture your audience attention without looking like an attention whore? Sure, I have read all the articles here on Vocal on promoting your page, I have done what I can. And it's not Vocal's fault no one is reading or liking or donating to me. Maybe I am not as good as a writer as I thought I was. Or I am a good writer but no one cares about what I am writing about. Should any of this even freaking matter?

Shouldn't writing just matter to me, if I am happy with what I have published, shouldn't that just be enough? Shouldn't it? Hell, one would think. But yet here I am bitching about it. Writers block, no drive, no ambition, no creativity...a black slate in my head, the page lays dormant....in the negative.....forgotten.

And yet, here I am writing, this is what I am doing, writing (if anyone is actually reading this). I somehow had the drive to open my laptop, log onto Vocal and start to work the creative side of my brain in order to put this bitching session online for everyone or no one to read. And you know what....if feels really good.

I wonder how many others this happens to on here? Where you just feel you aren't a good enough writer, you lose your motivation. I am sure many, gosh I really do hope I am not the only one that is at a total loss of words at times.

Being a creator is a thankless, penniless hobby or job. But we keep going right? Right? Someone please tell me I right here. Even if we haven't logged on in over a month, even if no one is reading your work, even if you are in the negative and forgotten.

You keep going, because deep down, this is really what you love to do. Even if it is a pity party for yourself. You just keep going. You just keep writing.