Who am I?

Kayleigh’s "Get to Know Me" #Challenge

My first sentence was f**k knows. But I've changed it since. Many times. Over three days.

So my first sentence.

I'm just an anagram of Alice I suppose.

Fancy right? Enigmatic and all that.

Yeah the truth is a little less so.

Ever hear the song, Alice? This. Reminds me of that.

And *This is so not my thing. Not my thing at all. But in the spirit of ‘doing shit I would never normally do’ in the midst of some kind of lingering mid-ish life crisis, I'm giving it a go.

If I’m honest I’m not sure I can even cobble together 10 things about me. By and large, I’m boring. Insular. But i'll try...

1. The actual most vaguely un-beige thing about me is that I have a serious chilli addiction. I know, it doesn't give you much hope for the 9 to come. Since my 5 year stint in South Korea, I am completely, unapologetically addicted to spice. If I’m eating it, It’s got chilli on it. If it hasn't. I'm not. I even have a handy portable, ‘Bring your own’ key chain bottle of the stuff. For emergencies.

2. Super truth. If reincarnation is really a thing… then I’m putting my name on the list to come back as my cat, well any one of the three to be fair. They are entirely pampered, utterly spoilt and I love every moment with them. Whether they are snuggled into me on the sofa or destroying everything in their waking path as they chase a fly, they make me smile every day. Plus, I’m single as holy singledom because I’m waiting for someone to come along who looks at me exactly like my Mowgli or Mogs, my little jungle boy who bears a rather uncanny resemblance to Hitler but with a much kinder temperament, looks at me when he wants biscuits. Never going to happen.

Here he is:

Whilst I’m at it, here’s Akeela, the wolf, I found her abandoned under a bush when she was a few weeks old. Gratitude in the pad of a paw. She goes where I go. Stalker style.

And Poe of the Edgar Allen variety, My little raven child. Who mostly is entirely unaware of my existence. Except at dinner time. Then I am the absolute G.O.A.T.

OK, enough fawning over the felines. Attempting this whole exercise was entirely so that I could talk about my paw clan, unashamedly. They're part of who I am, right?

3 I was/am an English teacher (I don't even know anymore) but now run the international department of a bilingual school so don’t teach a lot nowadays. Although, completely incongruent with my personality, I became an English teacher because my own English teacher taught me the power of a teacher and the many ways they can change your trajectory. I love our young people. The way they think, their compassion and the ideas they will put out into the world. But I’m ready to move on and I am on a mission to move out of education (in part motivation for joining Vocal-finding a voice...all that cheesy Wotsit stuff) . But that’s a whole other story. A very long, incredibly tedious story. If you know a teacher of any kind, you will have heard it all before. And, yawned - loudly, I’m sure. But, just to be clear for 'out in the universe reasons' if nothing else. My reason for the career change has nothing to do with my students. They are a joy. If I succeed in shifting I can’t imagine not volunteering or working with young adults in some capacity or other.

4. Embarrasingly, I am the worst kind of student-I have the attention span of a moth around a lightbulb. and really empathise with the kids I teach. I’d rather just fiddle about with something and figure it out by myself than be talked at. I just switch off. I really want to listen...I just...oh look...

5. I think people think I’m a complete knock on wood bitch when they first meet me because I don’t really engage much. I’m just awkward. I do that shifty feet thing that makes me look utterly suspicious. But, in reality it’s just my head whirling a million cogs a minute, worrying about what to say and how to say it. Small talk is the absolute worst. I just cannot think of a single thing to say about the weather. Even though I know I’m supposed to say something about it. I’m British. That’s what we do. And moaning. I cannot deal with whining on any level. Where I work there are a lot of busy people moaning about how busy they are. Which begs a certain question…

6. I’m shy because I’m cautious not because I’m shy necessarily. Though I am. There’s only four chambers in a heart and enough have been broken already. I have two beautiful friends who know all there is to know and who I trust implicitly (one of them being my ex English teacher). So, why risk it for a biscuit?

7. I am utterly convinced that I have a borderline, ‘sense of humour disorder’. It may not be an actual thing, yet. But it will be - I'm sure of it! I find the most ridiculously obscure things highly amusing. Seriously, what I think is funny, most people just don’t. I don't find slapstick even a little bit, corner of the lip upward curl. So, I've concluded it's definitely me. That’s it. I have absolutely no explanation for it.

I’m really struggling now…Um..

8. Weirdly, I love ‘The Wasteland’ By TS Eliot. I read it most days, not the whole thing obvs. - just snippets. I can pretty much recite it in its entirety which is #sad I also love language change, which a lot of English teachers I've met don't like very much at all. But I'm completely fascinated by it and love how language shifts as culture ebbs and flows.

9. I am completely and utterly tone deaf. I adore music but can neither play nor sing a single note. It really sucks. I listen to anything really, old Radio head, Ella Fitzgerald. And I have a bit of a penchant for country. Eminem. Music marks the mood,

10. And finally, if you got this far...THANK YOU!

It really irrationally irritates me when people don’t do what they say they are going to do. I never say anything I don’t mean. I just say nothing. And if I say it, I’m doing it. Hell or high water. Battle of the Daleks? It's happening. Usually to my detriment. It's probably the Taurus is me or the fact that a lot of people have said a lot of stuff they didn't mean over the years. Whatever it is. It is my thing. And I should say I'm working on it. I'm not.

* After and if I submit, I will invariably reread and spot all the stupid typos I've made. So if you get to it before I do, I'm sorry!