Whatever I Do, I Just Can't Fit Into The "Toxic" Corporate Culture

“You have the best job in the world and when I grow up I want to be like you!”, my stepdaughter told me. I chuckled and thought to myself “If you only knew…”

You see, I work in the video games industry and those who aren't “from the industry” might think that my job is amazing.

Don’t get me wrong, it is better than the majority of the jobs out there. You get to play video games, work with a creative bunch of people, create fun experiences, travel all around the world and attend some of the coolest parties and events.

I used to love this industry.

I spent my childhood playing video games. My mother used to tell me that I would not accomplish much. I accomplished more than she tough — I’ve built quite an impressive resume playing video games and selling them.

I worked at startups, small indie studios and some of the biggest video games companies. I was there when small indie studios received millions of dollars funding and became big studios. I was there when the “members board” were formed and when investors started making calls on creative decisions.

I was the first to leave and many others followed.

Unfortunately the moment the studio starts earning big bucks they implement a lot of corporate policies that just kill the spirit. I saw it too many times.

I worked in big corporations because I was promised that it would be different when it wasn't. So I kept being disappointed all over again and kept leaving and coming back.

See there is just something so addictive about the video games industry that doesn’t let you leave. My friend who was falsely accused of sexual assault by a girl who wished to advance her career in video games through him swore not to come back ever again.

I’ve seen him at the video games conference this September in Instanbul. What happened? He needed money and he knows the drill — so he is back.

I am certain he will be out again by the end of the year.

Two years ago all I cared about were metrics for the games I was publishing. I loved the culture: the flexibility, the laid-back approach, the fun, like-minded people, the unlimited booze at events, the first-class flights and the corporate credit cards.

I considered the company to be my “family”, and back then I put my real family in second place.

Two years ago we had a shift in the company I worked for. They appointment a new manager in the team, someone who had zero experience in video games and used to work in finances on Wall Street. I knew problems were coming along with them.

Back then we had once per month team meetings in London which were convenient for everybody. The new manager implemented changes — 3 days in the office in London. I commuted 300 miles weekly and spent 3 nights in the hotel in London because of that — it was unsustainable, especially since I additionally travelled 7 times per month.

Our manager rarely showed up in London at our meetings!

I raised this as a concern, as I’ve spent 5 days a month with my partner. My personal life was suffering, while the business was flourishing.

I hoped that my manager would understand the situation and go back to as it used to be. Instead, I got laid off.

Why?

“I don’t think you fit our company culture”, the manager said.

Back then I was furious, it was unfair! It took me years to get over it. Recently I learned that the whole team fell apart and the division closed down.

I had a 6-months break from the videos games industry where I focused on writing. I had needs that my writing career could not pay off — so I had no other option than to go back to the video games.

I knew I would need to write as long I’ve been in video games marketing to earn the living I was accustomed to. But I had no time — my houses needed refurbishing. I jumped back into the corporate life, but this time I knew better: I knew I would not be a fit there and I knew why.

“I have a life outside of the work…”

I used to work 12 hours per day. I used to think about work 24/7. I had friends only from the video games industry.

I notice now that they are many of the folks in the office that think like I used to think — work comes first. They leave the office late, they are the most active in the team chat, they talk only about the work and seems like that they don’t have a lot of dreams and hobbies outside the work.

Now my life isn’t anymore centred around the job. I know I am great at what I do and I also know that I don’t have to invest it all to achieve great results. I am taking care of myself. In my latest job, I am leaving the office first. Why?

Because I don’t want my dog to suffer — he needs to go out. I remember how I mistreated my previous dog, I used to make him wait even 15 hours before he had his walk. It was inhumane.

I used to get upset with him when he wanted my attention — I had some extra presentations to make, go for late nights drinks or just read up on new upcoming video games. Now my dog is gone and so are those jobs. But I have regrets and these regrets are that I should have put my dog and family first.

I spent time with my family and friends now. I write and I teach — I have lots to look forward to when going home.

My life is not my work.

“I don’t do nonsense anymore...”

I am a people person and always was. But I am quite straightforward and I’ve been burnt a lot by fake people. There are many fake people in the corporate world.

I don’t mingle as I used to. As I’ve grown to like small groups of people and interesting long conversations. I can sense a fake from miles away.

Just recently a girl approached me at work that would love to have my job — she acted overly friendly, even suggested she could babysit my dog when I need it. Soon I realized that she was after my recommendation only.

The moment I gave her a positive recommendation — she disappeared.

Recently she told my manager that she considers me too chaotic. The manager stood by my side — there is no need for her to be speaking to my manager, we are in separate departments. I know too well what she is after and to be honest, she can have my job — I will find another one.

I hope that one day she will realize that the corporate job should not define her, because if it does then it's very sad. Life is bigger than the corporate world.

“My prioritise changed”

Back then I was chasing titles, recognitions, and 5 digit bonuses. To get all of that my health suffered: late nights, lots of alcohol and parties, travel and naturally stress.

The bonus didn’t make me happier in the end. Years later I am more fulfilled when I write an article that earns me $5 and that gathers responses and support from strangers all around the world. I’ve understood what is truly important to me, what my motivations are and what type of environment I thrive in.

I am the happiest now when surrounded by my family and friends when I am healthy when I am sober and especially when I am writting.

“I have my own opinions”

Often companies tend to hire young people that are easily moulded into whatever the company needs them to be. Opinionated people are a threat to a company, they are not easily manipulated. I used to do things that I didn’t want to or that didn’t go well with me, but to keep the job and advance in my career I kept doing as the company said.

Not anymore — If I don’t like something I say it now and if it means it will cost me the job then be it. I was hired for the experience — if they want to fire me because of my opinion.

Be my guest.

“I have the wisdom to know better.”

I am not 20 years old anymore and I’ve had my little share of experience. I can read between the lines and know exactly what to expect from the company. But I also know that I am under no obligation to give it all to the company and let my health suffer because of it.

My good friend passed away when he was 28 years old — he suffered from chronic stress. He was a Vice President of a prominent London start-up. Was it worth it?

In the last conversation we had he told me that he will take a leave and focus on his fiancee, I was helping him plan the wedding and I was so happy for them. They were meant for each other.

Sadly, last November he died, he had a heart attack.

I know better now — life is precious and my health comes above the company.

“I don’t expect anything in return.”

I was disappointed with my previous employments only because I expected as if companies owe me something but they don't! I brought big clients, increased companies revenues and when I asked for flexibility or raise not always I was given what I deserve. That’s okay — it’s business not personal.

If everybody was extra rewarded for the work they do — the companies would not profit as much. Now I know exactly why I am in the corporation, and I know it's temporary and I have zero expectations which would make me no resentments or disappointments.

“I know I can good money.”

Finally, I’ve also realized that I will always be able to earn well. I have the experience, the knowledge and the connections. If I lose my job today I would be able to find another corporate job.

I have the passions that I have turned into a side income.

Believing in myself and understanding my value has helped me be myself without caring what the company thinks about me.

I’ve already failed at corporate life anyway. Because it was never meant for me. I wasn’t cut from the corporate cloth.

I know I can work from anywhere, I value praise for my works from the community not from my manager. If I want to earn more this month — I can, it's only up to me. If I want to spend extra time with my family — I will not have to go request it within the HR system.

The corporate world isn’t for me anymore, because I have changed. And that is good — people should change and want more.

There has to be more.

Now I know that there is — and I’m the happiest I have ever been.