What does it mean to turn 19?

It feels very strange, to be honest. I’ve made all the biggest decisions in my life in the past two years. I can remember my 17th birthday like it was yesterday when life was normal and all that.

To be 19 feels very melancholic (and alcoholic).

I’m exactly where I want to be, and I know exactly where I want to go. Plans change and life happens, but it feels great having a sense of direction after such a huge period of uncertainty. It makes me very grateful and hopeful.

I finally feel like I’m in a place where I can express myself. There is nothing more freeing than that. I’m pursuing knowledge in its most fundamental sense in university. I’m constantly surrounded by amazing individuals who dream fiercely big. I’m living in a beautiful city.

You know that question people always ask on your birthday about your age,

“So, do you feel 19 yet?” - everyone ever

For the first time in my life, it feels like yes for me. Like YEEAAAH. I really do. Independence really does that for you.

As a hooligan myself, being able to live amongst other hooligans just sparks a vibe. For my birthday, I harassed my friends to come for a swim with me in the ocean as the sun rose. They didn't end up jumping in but I appreciated the emotional support.

Butt ass naked in my birthday suit, the run into the sea was legendary.

There were mountains and fog and shit. I like to imagine they’ll sing songs about that moment one day. Knowing me I’ll probably write one myself. The more I think about it. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do right now, sea shanty “drunken sailor” style.

I present to you Drunken Boyo a birthday special,

What will we do with a drunken boyo?

What will we do with a drunken boyo?

What will we do with a drunken boyo?

Early on his birthday!

Way hay and off they undress

Way hay and off they undress

Way hay and off they undress

Early on his birthday!

Put him on a beach with his other sus friends

Put him on a beach with his other sus friends

Put him on a beach with his other sus friends

Early on his birthday!

Way hay and off they undress

Way hay and off they undress

Way hay and off they undress

Early on his birthday!

Oh, man. Nuff’ said. I am absolutely recording that later. Anyways, back to the birthday feels! I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.

Do you know how you feel embarrassed when your family and friends sing you happy birthday?

I believe it has something to do with the fact that subconsciously, in one moment, it’s like they’re all simultaneously saying,

“Oh, today’s the day you came out of your mom’s vagina?! No way!”

but amplify that by however many people who are singing while making eye contact with you.

It’s just too much to handle! Thankfully it only happens once a year.

And thankfully, we have this other beautiful francophone song that we also sing on birthdays. It translates to something like the following:

My dear Mathieu, the time is yours

To let yourselves, speak of your love

My dear Mathieu, the time is yours

To let yourselves, speak of your love

Albeit it sounds much better en français, this is the best I can do to replicate the same kind of feeling in a non-direct translation. Every single time my family sang this one, it just made me feel special.

Maybe it’s because it feels more intentional and loving instead of embarrassing. With this song, everybody singing in one moment is listening to you speak of love. You end up feeling seen and understood instead of feeling bamboozled and traumatized.

To be fair, that’s simply my opinion. I’d like to finish by thanking everyone for the birthday wishes! I also recently just bought my first NFT so more on that coming up. Feel free to reach out and let me know what you thought.