We're Moving After 17 Years At The Same Property.

When I look around my house, my head fills with good and bad memories. We are not in a bought property, but we are in a four bedroomed house which we rent from a council in the U.K.

When we first got this house, we weren't in a good place.

We were on the brink of being homeless, as the landlord decided to sell the private property we had rented. before that I had been renting a flat with my then boyfriend, who is now my husband. However, I had a couple of difficult moves, long before that too, all for various reasons.

I had never really known what a permanent home was before getting this house which is on the coast of Bournemouth, U.K.

A lot of horrible history had happened leading to this home, which has never been in the best shape, but served as a home to me, my husband and our six children for a short while, before my children had to be looked after because of severe illness, then it was just me and my husband.

There have been happy times, sad times, and heartbreaking times in this house, and it is painful leaving; but I must move forward so that I and my husband can start a fresh, new, life, and move forward from those memories.

My children grew up in the system, and they have no idea how much that hurts me. It wasn't my fault. I had taken many decades of violence, and that had made me too unwell to manage bringing up my children by myself. I lost one to adoption, because nobody knew how long it would take before I could recover enough to bring that child up, but I am trying to stay in touch via letterbox, even though, sometimes I can't write because it is painful.

Not everybody has children taken because they neglected or abused them. At the time, that was the only category available, because there wasn't one for mental health.

I have lived with stigma because of that for a very long time, and although it hurts to a point where I get mad with the local authority for it, I do understand why it happened.

I know that because of the nature of my condition, things would have been worse, and I'm terrified to even think about that, because harming a child has never been in my nature, and I would have never have forgiven myself for it, ever.

Before I move on, I want to point out that I am not allowed to name my child, and I can not name the adoptee.

However, I can say that I am much better now than I was then, and even though things went wrong at times,

I am so grateful to some of those foster carers and the adoptee for protecting my children when they and I needed it most.

I say some, because not all of the carer's looked after my children in they way that they should have been, and for some of them, there were a few.

Moving forward with this story...

When I first took this house, I said that it would be the last time that I would move.

However, my husband has severe disabilities, and the house plus garden has become more unmanageable for one, than it has ever been.

It is also too dangerous for us to stay here, because the house is decades years old, and delapidated.

• The garden grows fast, it is dangerously unlevel, and I do not have the skill or tools to remove the horrid Himalayan Bramble and other things that grow there.

Our council have refused help, and we have struggled for 17 years. Dealing with our garden causes me a lot of physical pain, and injuries, even when wearing protective clothing.

• The house has not been updated by the council since we moved here. We still have old copper pipes that are exposed, all over the house; and we nearly had a fire recently because the old electric box under the stairs could not cope with the newly fitted shower or stairlift, which was fitted via a DFG for my husband, and was never checked by the authorities.
• We have water marks above the main door, and the paint is peeling. We have had water leak from the upstairs bath into the light fitting on the ceiling below it, and it has been like that since we moved in, but has not been resolved.
• The pipes make extremely loud banging noises, which sometimes sound like the house is falling down.
• A pipe on the outside wall is badly peeling again, even though the council painted it.
• The roof above the porch, pools with a waterfall of water when it rains.
• There is a big wedge of a concrete slab leading down into the garden, which the council won't deal with, even though they know my husband can fall down it, and that could kill him.
• The house has too many rooms, where there is only two of us.
• The stairlift makes the staircase dangerous, and the downstairs toilet is more like a shed.
• The stairs themselves are very narrow, and the stairlift makes them harder to deal with. Also the upstairs bathroom is smack bang on the stairs which is a falls risk.

I could go on, but the list would fill the entire article.

We got the house on override at a time when we were struggling to get housing for the children, but things have changed since, and I am now a registered carer to my husband.

My daughter was living here with her own children for a while, but she has been permanently rehoused now, and it is time to think about the two of us.

We also have a housing shortage here in the U.K, and giving up this house has several bonuses:

• We get housed somewhere safer, and more appropriate for my husband's needs, which means he can lead a happier life, with less pain.

• I get a property that I can easily manage on top of my caring-role, which means that I will have more time for my husband, singing and writing

• A garden that is easier and less stressful, means my husband can start enjoying being out in the garden with me again.

• If the council do our present house up, once we have moved; a family with children in desperate need, can move in and have a happier life.

I will be sad to leave this old house, because it holds so many memories, but at the same time I will be happy, too.

Many people will say,

"Why do you care? Your children were taken off you."

As I said before, my children were not taken because I had done something wrong,

They were taken because of severe illness.

They are all grown ups now, trying their best to live their own lives, and we are proud of every single one of them, despite their own difficulties.

We have also had our share of pain and grief, in ways that we should have never had to experience it, and we wouldn't wish that on anyone who cares about their children in the way that we do.

My husband needs me now, and I need myself more than ever.

Good bye old house, old past; hello new start.