The story titled: A Kindred Spirit Entered My Life But I Could Never Hold Onto Him was my confession about a past love affair that still conjures up a lot of emotion.
It suffices to say that I was crazy about the guy, and even though the relationship ended abruptly, I still have a special place for him in my heart.
Here's what's up...
The only thing I knew when Don left out of my life so quickly, literally in the blink of an eye (well not literally, but you guys know what I mean - it was fast as hell), he left a BRIEF note that said: "I miss my kids. I'm sorry." And I sh*t you not; that was it. He was gone!
Okay, for a little context (without spoiling the kindred spirit story, in case you plan to read it), he had two kids, that lived in Las Vegas with his ex, while we both lived in Los Angeles.
Now mind you, the kids had nothing to do with the story I told you, and only came up at the end, because that's how much they were a topic of conversation or concern during the relationship; which is why I'm making sure to provide this follow up to my earlier, lovesick confession.
Reflections about Reflections
Over the years, when Father's Day rolled around, I'd always catch my thoughts drifting back to Don. I'd smile and allow myself to be comforted in the fact that he was such a loving father.
This type of thinking always helped to comfort me on those occasions when I longed for what I knew we could have eventually had, if he hadn't left to go be a dad.
At the risk of yet another spoiler alert, he said goodbye in a note.
When I read that note all those years ago, in spite of all my hurt and pain, and miserable nights, I still held him up in my memory. Why?
Because I thought he had made such a grand fatherly gesture. He missed his kids, so much that he had to drop everything and go to them.
Was that really the case, or was that just his way of bailing, for whatever other reason that he wasn't man enough to enunciate? Had he really been that heartbroken over missing his kids, or had he just chosen the cowardly way out?
I thought about it over the years, but tried hard not to let myself dwell on it. Words for my past behavior would come to mind, like: Naive, gullible or stupid. But then, in his defense, I'd allow for other words, like unfair, misunderstood, or some other nonsense that managed to let him off the hook.
Of course I wanted with all my heart to believe he was a great dad, to have chosen his kids over romantic love, or at the very least, over great sex.
In reality, it turned out that the way he left probably had more to do with cowardice.
We actually came back into each other's life in later years when I moved to Vegas.
The reason I mention it now, is to say two things.
1. He CONTINUES to hold that special place in my heart, and I do believe he loves his kids a hell of a lot. BUT I discovered that his method of using avoidance, instead of confronting a situation was his M.O.
2. It wasn't his first time he took the cowardly approach with me, and it wouldn't be the last.
Just like most things in life, I had to learn the truth about how Don was the hard way. I loved him and I thought I knew him - not in time, but in character.
Our chance reunion in Las Vegas, and oddly secretive relationship (in spite of him supposedly being single), eventually began to show me what kind of man he must have been all along.
Then again, maybe it was the part where I went to visit him, and he wanted me to hide in the closet.
Wow! Talk about bursting my romantic bubble for good. I left his apartment that day and never looked back.
I'd be lying if I said I stopped caring, because I didn't.
But what can I say; I guess that's clearly MY BAD, given the way I've always felt about this guy.
It just goes to show; when it comes to affairs of the heart, you just never really know what's real.
Thanks for reading 😄