Warning: I Bite

That title isn't a lie. I can and WILL bite you. Why? Because, why not? It's fun, it delivers in shock value, and maybe I just like to hear you squeal...

Still there? Did I scare you off yet? If not, get ready to dive into the paradoxical, introverted, dramatic, complex - yet surprisingly simple - human that is me.

Usually the first thing I tell people when they ask about me is that I'm a Slytherin. For Harry Potter fans, that generally tells them enough. Even those who aren't fans tend to know enough to at least recognise Hogwart's "evil house." This then leads to me explaining that Slytherins are not all inherently evil, that we are just people who know what we want and how to get it, while they slowly and very politely extricate themselves from the conversation. Whatever. If they don't want to hear me out then they ain't worth my time. Bye, Felicia. I have no time for your judgements and misconstrued opinions.

Once upon a time, I would have let those judgements get to me. Once upon a time, I felt like I was always standing on the outside looking in. Everyone around me seemed to just click, whereas me, I was always the misfit. I used to believe that meant there was something wrong with me. But not anymore. Now I embrace the fact that I'm a badass bitch who more often than not frightens people. My partner even has people telling him that I scare them. He finds it funny. So do I.

I suppose, at first, I am quite hard to take, like a shot of hard liquor. I can be sarcastic as fuck, a bit of an asshole, witty, and my way of showing you I like you and feel comfortable around you is to throw insults at you - thrown with love, though, of course. Heaven help you if you are able to match my level of wit and throw it back to me. I will capture you and keep you forever, like my own personal, adorable little Pokémon. But I guarantee, if you do decide to stick around, you will get into that zone where you feel like you're floating on a cloud of magic and moonbeams. If you stick around, you earn yourself a friend for life - someone who is loyal as hell and will be there for you no matter what, who will love you so much that you forget your perceived flaws (I'm very good at making people forget what they deem as flaws), someone who will show you a whole new world that you never knew existed or that you never thought you could have, and someone who will help you bury a body - no questions asked - if needed. But I will NOT put up with your bullshit. I will not be someone you can walk over. I will not dim my glow just to make you feel more comfortable. No. If you feel uncomfortable around me, then it means I am DEFINITELY uncomfortable around you. You will know I am uncomfortable around you if I am very quiet and polite. If that's the side I'm showing you, you should probably run, for your own safety.

Another fact about myself that often scares people is the fact that I'm a redhead - and yes, everything you've heard about us is true. I'm also Australian - which means nothing to other Aussies - but it makes international folks do a bit of a double take. Most of the world seems to love us Aussies, even if they do think we're a bit crazy down here. We totally are by the way. I love this bloody country and I could not imagine living anywhere else. I love the weather, the beaches, the culture, the unique Aussie language which includes a lot of colourful swearing and the efficient way in which we shorten words, the wildlife, the ruggedness and vastness of this land, and the general "she'll be right, mate" attitude. I love that most Aussies are always willing to lend a hand. I love the dry sense of humour. I do NOT love the spiders. They can fuck right off.

Those three words pretty much sum me up: Slytherin, Aussie, redhead. That's the simple version, the nutshell version. The more in depth version will reveal how I have more sides than a decahedron. I am multifaceted, like a diamond that has cut itself down, slicing away the fake and all those "should be/have to be" labels that society wants to stick all over everyone. I don't HAVE to be anything except authentic to myself, thank you very much. The last few years have taught me much on this subject - in the most brutal way possible, of course; because when is life ever gentle when trying to teach you something *insert eye roll.* However, I have realised something important. Being myself weeds out the weak and discourages the toxic. It doesn't leave me with many people in my circle but that's ok, because I only want people in my circle who can accept me for all that I am. In saying all that, I've realised I have quite the talent for being a social chameleon. I believe this comes with being a Slytherin. We Slytherins are quite good at blending in when we want to, or if we need to. This can be rather effective in social situations as we are able to make pretty much anyone feel comfortable around us. Whether or not we utilise our chameleon abilities depends on the situation, how much we like who we are with, if there is something in it for us, or if someone we are loyal to has asked us to blend in and not make a scene for whatever purpose - like say, your partner's work Christmas party. Although that depends on how much you like your partner...

Anyway, I think you get the point. Some people say that a Slytherins chameleon abilities make them untrustworthy. How can anyone know who we REALLY are? Well, that's the thing. If we want you to know who we REALLY are, you will know. If we don't want you to know, then you won't ever know. It's a trust thing. So yes, we Slytherins are cunning and crafty when we feel we need to be, but we are also ambitious and fiercely loyal. Sometimes it's funny how all those traits can play off each other.

Honestly, as I'm sure you can tell, finding out I was a Slytherin was a huge thing for me. It really helped me learn a lot about myself, and by doing so, helped me learn how to conduct myself, how to carry myself and how to fully embrace myself in all of my excellence. Plus it resulted in me meeting some damn awesome people, and that gave me somewhere to be where I felt I actually belonged. Most of the time I'm pretty introverted, although you would find that hard to believe if you see me around the right people. Around the right people I am quite loud and a tad obnoxious, but in a good way.

I should probably include some nitty gritty stuff in here too, things like how I battle anxiety and depression every day, how I'm one of those Highly Sensitive People, which means I'm more often than not in a state of overwhelm. My nervous system likes to be a drama queen. It reacts to literally everything. Oh, that light is too bright? I MUST PANIC! Oh, there's too many noises? I MUST PANIC! Oh, this article of clothing is too rough? I MUST PANIC! Don't even get me started on frequencies. So yeh, my nervous system and I are still trying to work things out. It's a tenuous relationship at best, but I'm trying. Growing up, I was always told I overreacted to things, that it was all in my head or I was just making things up, that I was too sensitive and that I should just "get over it." Little did they - or myself for that matter - know that I quite literally couldn't. My nervous system is physically different, so something that may be a small thing to one person is a huge deal to me, and my body physically cannot let it go. It lacks whatever it is you need to switch off that fight or flight response, hence why I'm so often in a state of overwhelm. ADHD has been suggested to me several times lately and I'm currently working on finding out if there's anything in that. In the meantime, there's ways to manage. I'm always conscious of what I put in my body food wise, I'm careful to give myself quiet time and alone time when I need it, and I generally just try to take good care of myself without pushing myself too hard. Sometimes it means I go a week without washing my hair, but hey, at least I didn't spend the week in my pjs. I have to learn to look at and appreciate the small victories; especially over the last couple of years. My faith also helps me, knowing that God is strong where I am weak. Oh, and dark/self-deprecating humour helps, too. I mean, if you don't laugh, you cry... right?

I was raised in the Seventh Day Adventist Church and though I no longer adhere to Adventist beliefs, I am still a Christian. I just don't follow any particular denomination as I've never really found one that fits my concept of Christianity. Instead, I simply follow the example of Christ and strive to mimic it. Christ was love. He didn't judge or hate on anyone. He taught love and acceptance of our brothers and sisters, and so I try to be the best example of love that I can be, while still loving myself. As my wonderful naturopath once pointed out to me, the Bible says "love thy neighbour as thyself." If I don't love myself, if I don't treat myself with kindness, or if I'm not authentic with myself, then how can I love others? How can I be real with them? How can I be kind to them?

Cars should probably get a mention in here, too. I'm a bit of a car nut and love me a powerful V8. It was a car that instigated the first meeting with my partner. I was selling a Holden Torana and he happened to see the advertisement on eBay, and he decided to buy it. We still have it, although it needs a lot of work.

Life certainly hasn't been easy for me. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, I never felt I fit in at school or anywhere else, my family and I have been through several traumas and difficult times, and I've struggled with health issues for most of my adult life - nothing diagnosable, apparently. It feels like I've been through enough bullshit to put me at 90 years old. I'm only in my mid-thirties. People always like to say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I disagree. It may not kill you, but it turns you into an expert cynic with severe trust issues, raging mental health problems and a vicious, dominating desire to always be in control of everything. Though, I would say that it makes you wiser. I've certainly learnt a lot of things I wouldn't have learned had I not experienced all those traumas, and that's what I try to remind myself when I ask "why me?"

Well, I've managed to ramble on for 2000 words. I don't know whether this says much about who I am, but I think it's covered some important points. I'm a fairly private person, very selective about what I reveal and who I reveal it to, so this is enough. If you've made it all the way here to the end, may I just say thank you... and congratulations. You deserve some kind of medal.

I couldn't find a medal so I'll just shower you with gold stars instead ^_^ You're welcome!

Chan xx