Unspoken Love

Ever since that drunken Christmas party when for a brief moment we both felt that spark as our eyes locked on each other and with a slight closing of our eyes our lips found each other for a moment. Such a brief moment yet that night and the entire year that was to come I desired nothing more than to experience those lips again.

A year later we met up for lunch at her favorite BBQ spot. The whole time we ate she kept teasing me that I wasn’t eating and she was right. It wasn’t that I had lost my appetite, it was more that I was utterly distracted by her deep brown eyes. As we waited for the check I wondered if she knew how much I wanted to hold her in my arms. Did she know how much I wanted to feel her lips just once more.

After eating and having a few drinks we walked towards the park. She had about two more hours to kill before she had to leave. I felt it in my chest that today I was going to make my move. I would bare my soul, expose my hidden thoughts and feel her lips on mine once more. Of course I couldn’t say any of these things. Damn near forty years old and I still feel like I’m in high school crushing on a pretty girl. While we walked towards the park both full and happy from the meal our hands for a brief moment touched and normally I would have said oops or backed away but as I felt the heat rise in my face I reached out in the pretense to grab her hand to just cross the street but the moment ours hands touched I felt her fingers wrap around mine and I knew she wanted to hold my hand too. We walked this way holding hands until we found a bench to sit on.

We sat on a bench with a small portion of shade from the tree behind us and for a moment we looked out over the water, both of us just sitting there in happy silence. At least that is how we seemed but I was a hot mess inside. I wanted to break the silence and tell her that I was still in love with her but somehow I couldn’t find it in myself to break the silence and she must have felt the same. Instead of speaking she pulled me closer and I put my arms around her. At this moment the sun had moved and it was beaming right into my face but I hardly noticed as she leaned into me. Her head rested on my chest and I could feel her breathing into my chest and I couldn’t speak even though I wanted to say something. God please let me say something , anything but I couldn’t find my voice and I felt betrayed by my own soul, my own fears. The pressure was building up in my chest and I thought I couldn’t catch my breath and then I realized I could smell her hair. The fragrance was light but sweet like honey in the wind and I took a deep breath. That breath allowed the pressure to go away but I still dared not speak. At least this time my silence wasn’t from fear but from just being happy for this moment. Right here on this sunny bench I had the girl who had my heart in my arms. She was peaceful and beautiful and then I noticed that her breathing slowed and she was sleeping in my arms. The sound of the water breaking against the pier and the sound of her gentle sleeping lured me into falling asleep as well while holding her in my arms.

Two beautiful hours later as we woke to our phones buzzing we locked eyes and I felt the heat once again rise to my face and before I could say anything I started to turn away but she gently touched my face and looked into my eyes. I searched her eyes to see if this was my moment but she just smiled at me and then nodded towards the train. Once again I failed to speak the words that were hidden in my heart but perhaps this silent moment of happiness and warmth maybe that was enough for now.