Train mishap

Whilst as a junior office worker in the City of London, one of our salesmen won a very big deal - so big that he took the whole company out to the pub one afternoon. We were drinking, and I was sent to the bar multiple times to get more beer. The bar was selling the beer in jugs, and as it took a while to fill each jug with Fosters, I asked for a sneaky pint to be able to drink at the bar (as quickly as I could), whilst waiting. I then carried 4 jugs back to the table, often to have them immediately emptied, and then I had to return to the bar again to get more. Again, as I was young - and free beer is free beer - I sculled down another pint of Fosters as a reward for my waiter duties. The afternoon became evening, and I was then told that people were drinking straight from the jugs, and that I needed to up the pace of delivery. The barman then told me that the bar tab was now over 1000 pounds - which to me was around a month's salary. I then went to tell the celebrating salesman, ushering him to me as I thought this was a private conversation to be had. He put his arm around me (he was a big and sweaty gentleman in a waistcoat), and told me that his commission for the deal was 100,000 pounds, and that he was happy to let it go to 3000. So, I was excited at more free beer, and then switched to drinking a jug whilst I waited for the other jugs to be filled. As the evening wore on, I eventually had enough time to stand with the rest of the staff for a few moments, and was laughing at their stories.

I realised that I had to get a train home, because it was almost 2 hours from London to my home. I tried to leave to get the train, and I was told to stay and be a part of the team. Free beer encouraged me to stay for a while longer, and then it came to the stage that my timetable told me it was the last train in just a few minutes, otherwise there would not be one until the next day - and then there was no point in going home, because I would not have time to get in to work for 8am the next day. I managed to rush to the train, and only just got on the train whilst the doors were closing.

The train was really full, and I was standing for the first 20 minutes until people started to get off and free up seats. Then I spied the girl. It was a bit of beer goggles, but to me she was stunning. Not a blonde bimbo in skimpy clothes, but an elegant and refined beauty that I really had to get to know. She was sitting just a few seats away from where I was standing, and I waited for a seat near her to free up. She was not talking to anyone, so I knew she was alone. I was emboldened by alcohol, and so when the seat opposite her came free, I politely asked if I could sit down with her.

The instant that I sat down, my beltline then put pressure on my bladder, and I realised how much I really needed to wee. So here I was, sitting opposite my dream girl, and suddenly unable to keep still because of a bulging bladder. I started a bit of a conversation, and managed to engage her (in my mind, quite well), but I was distracted by my wee pressure. I didn't want to get up and explore for a toilet, and I saw the ticket inspector checking tickets further down the train, so I waited (what seemed like ages) for him to come around, and I asked him where the toilets were. His answer was horrific - he said that this train has no toilets. To make it worse, this was an "all stops" train, so it was more than the usual 2 hours - it was almost 3 hours until I would make it to Fratton station, which was still 15 minutes walk from home. I gave him a pained smile, and went back to chatting to the beautiful girl - priorities, right? Then when the ticket inspector came back, I asked him if he could let me out at a station, let me use the toilet, and hold the train. He said he would let me out, but not hold the train. Added to that, I didn't know where the toilets were at each station, there was always the risk that it need a coin to get access, they could be closed, it could be in the middle of nowhere and I would have to sleep on the platform - lots of reasons not to get off the train. Of course, I wanted to keep chatting to the girl.

The train was emptying and I was making the girl laugh and toss her hair, I thought I was in! I had to reveal to her that I really needed to pee, and she said that I should do it out the window. I looked around and realised that the train was a newer style, where the windows were only tilting slits at the very top of the window, and no amount of gymnastics would allow me to get up there. We laughed that if I had been able to pee out the window, that there better not be people on the platform if the train is pulling in!

I was bursting, twitching and uncomfortable, but had the need to sit with the girl. I was desperate for a resolution, and had an idea. I turned around, and noticed someone with a fast food soft drink container, where they just put it on the ground instead of in the bin. The girl asked me what I was looking at, and said "I think that's my friend!" and excused myself. I walked up the aisle, scooped up the extra-large size slurpy cup, and headed a few seats further away. There was no-one sitting in the last few rows, so I scooted down, whipped it out, and started to fill up the drink container. It was filling up very fast, and getting closer to the top - but I knew there was more to come, and I couldn't stop mid-flow. I panicked - and looked for another cup. I could just reach a small espresso cup, and I managed to swap containers past the stream, just to catch the last little bit. I was finished, but had two warm cups - one huge and one tiny. I carefully put them down, fixed the lid onto the larger one, and then started to put myself away and zip up. It was then that I realised my angle that I had had to maintain in order to not be seen by the girl had meant that I had a kink in my drainage pipe, as it was caught over my fly, and that it was now un-kinked. I had a dribble, and a big one. It was very obviously warm, wet and visible. I tried to walk slightly sideways back to my seat and the girl, and just managed to sit down without her noticing the wet patch. She asked if I caught my friend, and I said that it was a case of mistaken identity.

I managed to carry on the conversation for a while longer, and then she motioned that I should sit next to her. I sat down, we looked into each other's eyes, leaned together, and then she put her hand on my knee. Straight into the wet patch. "Urgh, you couldn't hold it! Gross - this is my stop!". She said it was her stop without even looking up. Then she abruptly got up and walked down the carriage, out of my life, and towards my cups of wee. Just then, the train braked slightly harder, the expresso cup must have fallen over, and it splashed on her feet - she squealed and left the train quickly. I don't even think it was her stop. I was then left alone, with a wet patch in my trousers, and a smell of my river of wee running through the train.