The Way

Every day we JUST ... LIVE... LIFE. We sleep, work, eat, clean, sleep, work, eat, clean and just keep repeating that over and over, day after damn day. We get used to it, as we are raised/conditioned to study hard in school to get into college, go to college to get a good paying job, or get into the trades, regardless of the type of employment we are working 5 days a week 8 hours a day (and that is not even the norm any more, some people are working 6 to 7 days a week and endless amount of hours). We are beating our brains, bodies and sanity into the ground. All for that pay check to pay the bills, to have the big fancy house, the luxury vehicle. Some are working to just to barely survive, barely coming up with the rent/mortgage, food, clothing, putting gas in their vehicle.

Again, this is "the way"...right?

What if "the way" is rocked. My idea on "the way" has been rocked to my core. It was the text message that I received about a week ago that did this. A family member I cherish more than ever, had fallen ill. Became very dizzy one morning, so dizzy that he called for an ambulance. After many tests, it has been determined he has tumors in his brain and in his lungs and was told he has been unknowingly been in the final stages of that dreaded word... cancer. My heart dropped. Actually, no shattered. One minute he was sleeping, working ,eating cleaning, living the normal life, and then the next minute finding out, the doctors really don't know how much longer he has to live.

I spoke to him on the phone two days ago and his piss and vinegar was still in his voice and that made me smile. And he says to me, I WILL NOT DIE! I am too young (50 years old) I have still so much to do, I will NOT LET THIS KILL ME, he said. And I put every ounce of my faith into those words he spoke, into his willpower to survive. Chemo wont begin until next week and that may drain some of his piss and vinegar, but I swear by everything in me, I am going to be his cheerleader every day, either by text or phone call, in order to keeping his strength up with my love.

So "the way", is it really f*cking worth it? To be tied to your chores, your job, making everyone else happy and then, when something like this smack the sh*t out of you out of no where, you are like, just as my relative quoted, "I still have so much to do".

I know its nearly impossible to quit jobs, run an explore the world, hell people can't even get out to explore their back yards. But we must make time for the little things, for our dreams, tell the ones we love that we do, every chance that we can get. Stop letting the "grind of life" control every single aspect of how we conduct our lives. We can't take the money with us when we pass on, so pay the bills, your food, but LIVE my GOD really F*CKING LIVE YOUR LIFE, because it is not guaranteed, Everyone, like it or not has a death clock and one day that clock is going to either run out of batteries or it will sound the alarm.

The thought of our life not guaranteed, we all do think about it, as it basically sits dormant in the back of our heads and resurfaces as a reminder (which we basically just blow off). But when it comes to your life and knocks on your home door, the money, the bullsh*t of fighting with your boss, busting your @ss for overtime, not being able to spend time with your kids cause your pulling a 12 hr shift at that jobs or endless chores at home. It wasn't f*cking worth it, was it? When the Reaper is at your side waiting.

This is my personal rant of hurt, anger, sadness and my reality. It makes me so mad that this beautiful soul one day will be gone. I try and not put any energy into thinking of that because that energy will give it fuel. Even though I feel helpless, I just have to keep texting him every day, reminding him how strong he is and how loved he is.

One day, just stop and think about your life, the hours worked, the money spent, how much time you are spending with family, how much time you are worrying about how the lawn looks, the house looks, and think about is this all worth it (it maybe for some) but not for me, when the Reaper is standing at my side with his death clock running out of time.

*These are My thoughts on this subject. What I have written may not jive with others and that is totally ok. We all have differently views about mortality*