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The Skinny Girl Diary

by Marissa Horstmann 3 months ago in Humanity

Journal Entry

The Skinny Girl Diary
Photo by Huha Inc. on Unsplash

Dear World,

All my life I have been a whopping 110 pounds. I have been bullied and been teased about it, being skinny doesn't have its perks. None at all. I find myself loathing my self image. I don't like it. I don't like that I can eat like 3 hungry wildebeests and still be the same size.

It's not that I don't eat, I do. Lots, well because that's what we need to sustain ourselves with.

"You should eat more" "Are you starving yourself?" "I wish I was your size"

First and foremost, no, you don't want to be my size. Shopping at teenybopper stores, and looking for pants that compliment my shape is like shopping for a rare gem. It's not easy being small.

Always looking at my self in the mirror, wishing I had a bigger bust line, so that I can wear all the fancier clothing and feel like a millon dollars, maybe even feel less shameful on what I look like.

I struggle a lot with self image, and I am sure I am not the only one.

People who tell me that I need to eat more, it's like pestering me to gain weight that will vanish within minutes of me consuming a meal. Doesn't matter what it is.

People who bullied me and teased me about how much I weigh, really did a number on me through the years, so I hope you all are proud of yourself, because as an adult I am struggling.

My last name used be "Nunn" that was before I legally changed my name to "Horstmann" when I was 16- years-old. They used to tease me and call me "Marissa 'Nunn' Boobs." Words hurt and that had carried with me all my life.

It still hurts and effects me to this day.

Being skinny isn't all what it's chaulked up to be. You find yourself covering up in the middle of summer with a baggy hoodie and leggings because you are too scared of what people may think of you. Years upon years of body shaming really caught up to me. So, now, I am really insecure.

I may be married now, but at least someone found me slightly attractive to do so. I still struggle even though he compliments me on a day to day basis.

No, you don't want to be my size, because you would find the same issues I am dealing with. Right now.

You may all laugh, but to me it's not funny. Body shaming someone is dire to their success. We should never have to body shame someone to make ourselves feel better, we have to live with it for the rest of our lives.

If I could afford to undergo surgery, I would. I would get implants and live my life happily.

They say you should love the skin you're in. I honestly don't love the skin I am in. For all the wrong reasons.

Maybe everyone should choose their words more wisely. There is always going to be people out there more beautiful or smart or whatever, but we should not be walking around picking on one another's images. That's how we were brought into this world. It's out of our control.

Being me is already harder than it has to be. So I could only imagine how other people feel about their own images.

We have wars that we are fighting everyday, no one knows about those, so maybe instead of be-littling, maybe start by up-lifting?

Just a thought. Coming from a skinny girl.

Sincerely,

The skinny girl,

-M-

Humanity

Marissa Horstmann

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