The relationship advice that saved my day

Yesterday I had a terrible morning, something didn’t feel right and nothing could make me feel better. Not my wonderful dogs, who always melt my heart when I hold them, not my partner whose hug always makes me feel better. On top of that, I noticed he was also having a bad day.

So the rest of my day I tried to make him feel better, when usually I would feel that he should be the one to comfort me, only then I would reply him with the same treatment. What a selfish thing to do, now that I’m seeing this from another perspective.

So here are some toxic habits I noticed in our relationship:

1. Whenever I was in pain I wanted him to notice and comfort me.

Never mind how he felt that day. I wanted to be acknowledged, I wanted to be treated special because I was sick. But what if he also felt sick? Who would make him feel better? That’s usually when we start to argue and make each other feel bad about ourselves.

But today I decided to make him feel better instead of waiting for him, so I hugged him as often as I could, I smiled at him for no reason, I often said sweet things to him, and with all that, apparently I started feeling better too. What a strange thing if I think about it now.

If you give love, you receive love.

2. We expect to read each other’s mind and I get angry when he doesn't do what I need. I used to think that he doesn't love me because he can't read my mind and meets my needs. For example, I need my heating pads boiled when I'm on my period, and he usually does that without me asking. But oh boy, if he forgets to do that, Lord have mercy on his soul.

Now what if I would always be the bigger person, I would always be the first to say sorry, to make the first step, wouldn’t that fix a lot of things? I have nothing to prove. I don’t want for anyone to come and say that they were wrong, I might think at the moment that I’m better or make me feel good, but it doesn’t do me any good. I just want for my family to be happy, so I can be happy.

Who can say is so happy after they won an argument even though the person who lost the argument felt awful afterwards?

Why should you wait for the other person to come to you and be the first to say sorry? Or why should I hold a grudge on a distant relative for 10 years when it doesn’t serve me anything? If hating someone is only hurting you, witch it usually does, why harm yourself?

3. Expect every day to be perfect

We all have good days and bad days, I don't always feel that I can be there for him, somedays I can barely keep myself from falling into depression, that is a constant battle. So I don't always feel romantic and lovable. Maybe I'm using all of my energy just to be sane that day. But that's ok, in a relationship we always need to find our way towards the other. Sometimes we drift apart, but what makes a great love story is that we always find the way back to each other.

Anyway, it was one of those days when we both felt so depressed that only the next morning would have fixed it. But taking that perspective made the day a little more agreeable and I avoided any fight, especially considering that the next day he is traveling for 10 days for work.

So it’s ok if sometimes nothing can fix your day, even if you are the bigger person, but by practicing small gestures of kindness towards yourself and the others around you fill your home with good energy.

Be the one to start the hug, I promise you have nothing to lose, and you win nothing but love.

Thanks for reading, I wish you find time to express your love today.