The Night Before Christmas

It was the night before Christmas.

It was cold, quiet, and I was exhausted. It was like 11 pm, and I was like... I dunno, 10?

I was a child, nonetheless, at the mercy of her parents.

At the time, my siblings and I were spending the holidays at my dad's house. I woke up that night with a terrible "rumbly in the tumbly" so to speak. It was probably like a quarter till midnight.

I ran to the bathroom, holding in the rumblies as long as I could. Finally, that porcelain throne provided me the much-needed relief. I stank up that small bathroom.

It wasn't until then I realized I was in quite a predicament.

Not only were we out of toilet paper, but, there were also no tissues or even towels in the bathroom at the time. My "hail mary" backups were nowhere to be seen.

I remember drip-drying as much as possible, then opening the door to scream down the hallway. Of course, my dad's room was at the opposite end. Good thing my siblings were very, very heavy sleepers.

Eventually, he must've heard my cries because he came down to see what was wrong. Despite me having felt "clean" I demanded that he, on this cold CHRISTMAS EVE NIGHT, drive out and find me toilet paper. It was incomprehensible to my brain that literally nothing would be open.

He tried to talk me out of it, but I refused to budge. I would not go back to sleep nor be quiet unless he procured me the toilet paper I so rightfully deserved.

Begrudgingly he placated me. He warned me. It was Christmas Eve, everything and everyone was literally sleeping. No one was open on Christmas.

Store after store, stop after stop, we were greeted with nothing but milky darkness and quiet. That was until we saw a little glowing sign floating in the distance.

It was like a beacon of light to me, my hope rekindled that there would be an end to this fruitless journey.

"DRIVE." I demanded. Pointing to the glow that seemed to be the only light on for miles and miles. I was a pain in the ass the more I think on it, but this isn't about me.

Turning around, my dad headed towards that light.

Eventually, the name came into view. I remember it so fondly - Speedway. The one gas station that I didn't absolutely have the heebie-jeebies about if we had to stop to pee on any road trip. I gleefully ran inside to procure the precious cargo I had been seeking.

There it was, some weird 1-ply 2 pack of toilet paper that no one liked or needed. But to me, it was the first sign of respite I had seen on this desolate night. My toilet woes had been satiated. I nabbed it and handed it to my dad to take to the counter. This poor clerk had no idea why a dad-daughter duo (who looked absolutely exhausted) were out for toilet paper on Christmas Eve night. It had to have looked weird that I was basically thrilled at the idea of toilet paper.

We got back into the car, 2-pack in hand. You would think I would've been so completely hyped about the TP that I wouldn't be able to sleep, but you'd be wrong. We were like 5 minutes from the house, and I somehow managed to nap for those 5 minutes. When we got home, I safely put the paper into the bathroom and crawled back into bed.

In case you were invested, I never got back up that night to go to the bathroom.

Thus, every Christmas Eve my dad likes to ask me if I need to go get toilet paper. I will literally never ever live this down.

Though, to be fair, I'm pretty sure he needed the bathroom that night anyways so I guess our adventure counts for something.