Confessions logo

The Line Between Cheating and Flirting

In these days of virtually everything being online, the boundaries between innocent flirting and something a little worse can get blurry.

By Chai SteevesPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
Like
The Line Between Cheating and Flirting
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

I was Facebook messaging an old friend recently. She was in a bit of a state, fearing she's gone very far down the rabbit hole of online sexting.

It started pretty early in the pandemic. She was on her many evenings, and she had a friend — in Europe — that she would regularly text with. It got a little flirtatious but nothing too direct or explicit. They would have discussions about sex - how much they were getting or not getting mainly and a bit about what they liked and missed about regular sex. They told each other some fun stories. She said that she touched herself a little as they chatted but never told him that. She felt it would cross a line. She said she was a little conflicted because she enjoyed it but thought it felt wrong because he was a friend.

But she was bored, and she knew she enjoyed it. So she came up with a plan B. She signed onto a dating site. She had no intention of meeting anyone, but she started to chat there regularly. Her rules were — no chatting with anyone from the same city as her and no sending photos (but she would accept them from others). She got pretty into it. Chatting with men and women — and sometimes couples. Telling sexy stories and getting each other off. She did it quite regularly.

So her question to me… was she cheating?

I was a little torn. While it is not cheating in the conventional sense, it certainly would be considered, by many, to be crossing the line. And I believe her husband, had he known, would have felt it was crossing the line.

So… my thought process. First, there was a question of what her husband might be comfortable with. She said her husband had no idea she did this. She knew he was ok with her being flirtatious with other guys (it's kind of her nature) but that they were in no way in an open relationship. And he was also fine with her looking at online porn, and he knew she checked out dating sites and looked at guys' profiles.

I also asked her what he might think she did when she was online in the evenings. This was interesting. He goes to bed earlier than him, and she is far more interested in sex. So, he would have known she was masturbating in the evenings, and, she felt, he probably had a sense she chatted with guys. But, as I said, he knew she checked out dating sites and was fine with this. So she felt he probably knew she was chatting, but they didn't talk about it.

I asked her how often she did it and always with the same person. She said she would do it 3 or 4 times a week, and there were a few regulars she had gotten to know reasonably well. Men or women who understood what she liked and how to chat with her in a way she enjoyed. I also asked if she ever wanted to meet these people in person. Again, her answer was an unequivocal no.

So, the facts:

  • she was very regularly masturbating with people online
  • she did not share photos
  • she did not want to take the 'relationship' to any next levels
  • her husband did not know or at least acknowledge that he knew, and he had certainly not given an express ok

So, is it cheating? My answer to her was that it was not cheating. I said I thought it was 'wrong' but not cheating. Thoughts?

Bad habits
Like

About the Creator

Chai Steeves

I'm an eclectic guy - I like writing about sex, relationships, parenting, politics, celebrity trivia - the works. I'm happily married and a father of 2.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.